Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If an adult tells you they have between 20-30 close friends…

60 replies

Nosleepforthismum · 13/08/2023 22:33

AIBU to think wtf and how can that be true?? I even asked if some were more acquaintances but no, insisted that all 20/30 of them are really close and talk all the time.

Guy in question is 25 with no kids but even so, it must be bullshit surely? How many close friends do you all have? I have three at the grand age of 33 and I figured that was pretty good going!

YANBU - clearly a liar liar pants on fire type of bloke. No one has that many friends once you’ve left school.

YABU - 30 friends is very normal in your 20’s.

OP posts:
Riapia · 14/08/2023 04:03

I wonder how many of the 20 - 30 would class him as a close friend.

HalfwayToMyMamasHome · 14/08/2023 04:10

I wouldn’t think he was lying unless he has form for lying.

I have 12 that I would class as close friends and I haven’t particularly made an effort to make more so I’d think it’s possible for some very outgoing people.

Of my friends, 7 of those are here, I see them all at least weekly, sometimes daily, phone and text every day without fail and we go on holiday together. The other 5 are back home, friends from childhood, we only see each other 4/5 times a year but speak on the phone every week and text most days. They see each other every week.

saffronsoup · 14/08/2023 04:16

I don't think he is necessarily lying. At that age, I had work friends, friends from uni, friends from various sports / hobbies, friends from a volunteer program.

Close friend doesn't have a specific definition. People I see and talk to weekly and spend time with to me are close friends. At that age, I had that many. Now maybe 15 - although I don't see everyone weekly anymore, there are still at least a dozen people that I consider close friends.

HmmOk · 14/08/2023 04:24

Of my friends, 7 of those are here, I see them all at least weekly, sometimes daily, phone and text every day without fail and we go on holiday together.

You call and text the same 7 friends every day without fail? Really?

What do you chat about on the phone every single day? How do you fit in 7 calls, as well as the texting?

Does it not stress you out a bit?

Genuinely curious as an introvert, no shade.

squishee · 14/08/2023 04:27

I'd guess they are "really close" as in just a mouse click away, and they talk (post / message each other) "all the time".

HalfwayToMyMamasHome · 14/08/2023 04:48

@HmmOk

Yes really. 🤣 Not usually 7 phone calls, theres usually a few of us on a call.

We chat about anything, sometimes only 10 minutes, sometimes an hour or so if I’m not seeing them for a few days. It can be a few times a day. 🤣 Texting is a group WhatsApp.

I don’t really get what you mean by it stressing me. We like each other so like talking to each other.

Trixiefirecracker · 14/08/2023 04:54

I would say I have 20 odd close friends. We don’t hang out constantly but we message, a large group of us all know each other so group chat. They come and stay often and we go on holiday and weekends away with each other, sometimes couples at a time or larger groups. They would be the people I would call if I needed anything. Our kids grew up together. We pick up exactly where we left off if I haven’t seen them in a few weeks. I don’t think it’s too odd that this happens.

3rdtimemumma · 14/08/2023 05:05

My mum must have about this number! Though she'd never tell people about it.

She is out almost every day with them, always has people to stay, has lots of dinner parties with friendship groups/couples, is amazing at remembering everyone's birthdays and sending presents. Most she's been this close to for 20-30 years, some 50 years now.

My parents go on holiday with groups of other couple friends they've known a long time quite a few times a year and often visit and stay at friends houses abroad (the overseas people are more acquaintances that they've met on holidays). Often if they have a +1 her many friends invite her to wonderful things and many have told her she's their best friend .

She's an awesome mum, nanny, wife and sister (3 siblings) too. I will never be like this (I have so many acquaintances, but 4 close friends and not as close to my 4 as she is yo her 25ish). It takes a huge amount of organisation. Most people would probably drop the ball somewhere, at some point and make someone feel unappreciated, but not my mum! I guess socialising IS her hobby and she works it into everything- gym 3x a week always with friends etc., sunday school teacher with friends. Etc.

Must tell her this! It's really only as an adult that I've realised how special/ unusual she is.

yogasaurus · 14/08/2023 05:07

5 friends from school

5 friends from first Saturday job
5 friends from uni
5 friends from work

It’s possible.

UsingChangeofName · 14/08/2023 11:35

Well they aren’t all close friends but they could be fun going out friends.

How do you know?
If you see people regularly / chat / play FIFA / go out, and have known them for a while (potentially since starting school), it isn't for someone else to decide that you "aren't close".

I mean, as an aside, I have people I would consider to be close friends that I don't see that often - maybe once a year - but, because I have been friends with them for decades, and share history, I'd still class them as close friends, or good friends.

redskytwonight · 14/08/2023 11:43

Agree I think it depends on what you mean by close friend.

I have old school friends who I probably only see once or twice a year and talk a handful more, but I know if I had an emergency they would drop everything and be there for me.

On the other hand I've got people that I see/talk to way more regularly and I wouldn't consider them to be "close". Work friends probably fall into that category. We happily chat all day and go out on social occasions but they don't know my deep dark secrets or what's going on with me beyond the superficial.

Rewis · 14/08/2023 11:51

I had drinks with a teammate and she has tons of friends. She didn't refer to them as close friends but still. Like their friendship group includes 30 people and they do weekends away. She has her birthday in a part and last year 40 of her friends stopped by. One of the weddings she went had the grooms 60 closest friends.

MyMotherWorked15Hours5DaysAWeek · 14/08/2023 11:54

I have one best friend of 16 years. Two close friends and another three less close friends that I see in groups with the kids. So I think I’ve got 6 friends. I’m 27 with one child. I don’t think I’d have room in my life for that many friends OP, but I wouldn’t see it as a red flag per se.

IchWill · 14/08/2023 12:00

I'm lucky enough to have a lot of friends, I make friends wherever I seem to go. Which is a comfort as I've very little family.

When my mum died suddenly, her insurance wouldn't pay out, and my friends raised £3.5k in 46 hours so I'd not need to try and find the money for a funeral.

Around 10 of my friends I consider to be my best mates. They are from varying circles, but every time I organise a party, or get together my friends all get on like a house on fire. I know I could count on any of those 10 when I need them, no matter what. Equally, I do a lot for my friends in return.

Like I say, I consider myself to be really lucky. I love my best friends as if they were my family. Conversely, my DP is as outgoing as me and only had a couple of close friends.

IchWill · 14/08/2023 12:01

DP isn't as outgoing as me, that should say.

thecatsthecats · 14/08/2023 12:03

At that age I had at least four groups of 5-8 people, plus their other halves. Home, work, university, local.

You can't predict who of those will last and who are only in the moment. One of the home friends is completely off my radar now, but another of them moved near my parents so I see her all the time. The local lot were my regular pandemic zoom group. Haven't seen hide nor hair of the work ones in years, but yes, we were close for a while.

25 is a great friendship age.

Wenfy · 14/08/2023 12:06

It’s possible. If you’re part of a church / temple group, or have many external interests. Some people also make a huge effort to keep friendships as it’s extremely important to them. Having more friends is also more common amongst non-British people who aren’t white - as most other cultures have a ‘everyone’s a friend until they prove themselves as enemies) mentality

WetBandits · 14/08/2023 12:12

If you’d asked me that at 21, I would have said I had maybe two real friends (and I’d just done three years at uni so you’d think I would have had more than that, but they all drifted away after uni ended and as a naturally very social creature, I was thoroughly miserable!)

At 29, I’ve just counted 17 close friends who I could call at any time, day or night. I still have the two I mentioned before, but most of these friendships developed when I went back to uni at 23 and I’ve met some since then. It took me a bit longer to find ‘my people’ and some of them don’t know each other but I am genuinely so much happier and more secure in my friendships in my late 20s than I ever was in my teens/early 20s. Smile

BatheInTheLight · 14/08/2023 12:14

I get my social fix in work. I don't have time outside of my family for anyone else. Any free time I have is me time (thank god!). having 20-30 friends sounds absolutely exhausting to me.

cheezncrackers · 14/08/2023 12:14

I had masses of good friends in my 20s who I went out with regularly, because I was very sociable and out several nights a week.

Bluey124 · 14/08/2023 12:21

My partner and I have around this amount of close friends. We socialise a lot and so meet a lot of people and the bond has just grown with them all.

MangoMandy · 14/08/2023 12:24

Perhaps his definition of "close friend" is different to yours. I'd probably call someone a close friend if I saw them regularly, invited them round to dinner (or whatever), knew all about their kids and what was going on in their lives etc- by that definition having 30 is not particularly unusual.

AlyssumandHelianthus · 14/08/2023 12:27

Presumably he's just more social than average? There's a bit of middle ground between him being a liar and this being normal.

ManateeFair · 14/08/2023 12:50

Maybe his idea of 'close' is just different from yours. Or maybe he has small core groups from different areas of his life that add up to 30? Like a few old school/uni friends, a couple of people he knows from a hobby that he regularly has a drink with, a few people he met through work, a few people who were originally his partner's friends, etc. I probably wouldn't count all those people as 'close' but maybe he does. I can see why you felt like raising an eyebrow, but it does sound to me as if he wasn't fibbing but just has a different mode of close friendship.

I'm not a very sociable person and while I'd say I've got plenty of friends, I wouldn't say many of them were close. Maybe two that I'd consider 'close' in that I think I could message them any time for advice about anything and they'd support me, and a couple who are more 'old' friends than close friends in that we don't talk a lot but if we do, it's immediately just like it was when we saw each other every day.

caringcarer · 14/08/2023 13:34

If he's single and belongs to a couple of sports teams I would think it is possible. My dson2 is single but has lots of close friends 10 from a Saturday cricket team he plays with every week and meets up with several in between games but sends and receives messages from all several times throughout the week. He also meets up with these cricket friends on a mid week training night too and they all go for food afterwards. He plays for a second cricket team on Sundays and 3 of them are in both teams but 8 different players he's friends with too. They play together every Sunday and do a midweek training session together too again a lot of messaging goes on between them. They go for a burger together after training session most weeks. He has 6 friends he has grown up with and 1 of those plays cricket with him. He meets up with these 5 friends Friday evening to go for a drink and meal out. Again lots of messaging between them all. He also has a friend from Karate he sees each week and they meet up on another night each week to go running together then buy a coffee and chat. He has close work colleagues some of whom he meets up with outside of work too, to go for a drink with or occasionally the cinema. He's invited his work friends all over to his new house for a BBQ over August bank holiday. He's just very sociable and I think if you play sports with a team over the years they become close friends. I noticed since my DS1 moved away to live that DS2 invested a lot more time with his friends. When he moved into his house he had 11 of his friends offer to help him move his things in. He's had a friend who is a plumber do some bits of plumbing for him, one who is a plasterer plaster a piece of wall in his kitchen and 2 of them fitted him in his new kitchen and wouldn't take payment but said he could buy their next meal out. He has fed 3 different cats this summer and house sat for a pair of dogs and a cat belonging to his friends. They all help each other out. He's also helped one friend move into a different house this summer.