Male friend needs advice...

[womanking]

Hi, name changed as these details belong to a male friend of mine. He is like a brother to me and he needs help.

Friend, let's call him Mike, has been in a relationship for 10 years, 1 DD (age 7) and a joint mortgage. Mike put more money into the purchase of the property and worked hard to renovate the property. Brick by brick he made a house a home. Mike and DP, let's call her Emma are not married. Both work.

Emma has suddenly decided she wants to end the relationship. She wants to sell the house and move on. She is requesting approx 75% of the sale as she feels she deserves a better home than Mike as she will be having DD more. Mike is wanting 50.50 minimum as he has a great relationship with his DD and would like that to continue. Mike does not want to sell the home.

Mike earns more than Emma, this is why Emma feels she deserves more post-split.

Mike is a great guy, a real family man and I can honestly say everything he has done for the past 10 years have been for the sake of his family. Emma has cheated in the past and it is thought that she has met someone else...again... although she is denying it at present.

What advise can I give Mike? Emma has told Mike that she can't go to court as she hasn't got the money.

I don't want Mike to lose his home and his daughter.

Please help Mumsnet 🙏🏽

Mike must see a solicitor. It's up to Emma whether or not she does.

What advise can I give Mike? Emma has told Mike that she can't go to court as she hasn't got the money.

This seems like it's the crux of it. She wants to take the lion's share of everything he has and take his daughter for the majority of the time, and she's effectively telling him not to take it to court. Whereas...he's offering an even split when he put most of the money in, which is more than fair, and she's cheated.

It's pretty clear that, even if she had the money, a divorce court wouldn't be too impressed with her idea of a fair deal.

Of course, it's not a divorce, it's nothing more than a financial dispute - if this was in any court other than family court, she'd likely not even get 50%; she'd get equity proportional to what she put in, and no more.

I'm no expert, but it seems to me that Mike should try to separate the financial and custody issues. If the financial issue comes first, he can win, and if it's determined that he should get more than 50% he can still give her half and show good faith going into the custody case. That will almost certainly bode well in family court, particularly given all of her history.

@KnickerlessParsons Thank you
@ntmdino Excellent advice, thank you so much 😊

As they are not married, it’s very simple & it really doesn’t matter what Emma wants, the only thing that matters is how the house is owned on paper.

1. Are both their names on the house?
2. Are they joint tenants or tenants in common?

If In the absence of marriage, the house will be split 50/50 if joint tenants or according to the percentages they own if tenants in common. If the house is only in one persons name, then the other person is out of luck.

Even if Emma wanted to go to court, she’d have next to no hope of getting a higher percentage under TOLATA in the absence of extenuating circumstances, not only would it be extremely expensive but the bar to reach to be successful is really high, for example if their child had a disability & needing a home with special adaptions etc.

Is your friend in the position to buy her out?

As they are not married, it’s very simple & it really doesn’t matter what Emma wants, the only thing that matters is how the house is owned on paper.

^^ This. The rules are different since they aren't married. What did they sign at the solicitors when they bought the house? Was any deposit ring fenced?