To miss romantic love in my life?

[Mumanddone]

For background: I have a husband (my first love, been together for 13 years) who I love/ adore dearly. We have a 2 year old who is the light of our lives. My life is very pleasant and I realise how privileged and easy it is. But I miss being “in love”, if that makes any sense. Those first pangs of love when you think about nothing but the person, your heart does flips when you see their name pop up on your phone, you can’t take your eyes off them etc. the excitement of first love is almost like a drug and I haven’t had it in soooo long.

I find myself watching films and feeling so jealous of the fake couples who feel that (no-one ever seems to make films about the couple that have been together for yonks and spend their evenings on the sofa catching up on their day) and then feeling so silly!

There are so many types of love but it bums me out I won’t experience those throes of stomach churning love again. Am I alone?

Judging by a lot of experiences here it's not all as exciting as you think in the romantic world. There is a lot of heartache/ disappointment and mess. It's a bit dangerous to fantasise about it as what you have is what most people want. Can you find ways to spice up the romance in your..quite solid relationship.

We've been together for 22 years since we were 14. Whilst it's not constantly butterflies, I do still get butterflies now and again and I still fancy him.
Have you tried spending some time apart like going away on a trip without him?
We don't do this often but when we do, seeing him again brings back some of those amazing feelings.

I sometimes think this but then I remember the crashing highs and lows and how it was such a relief to realise that I wouldn’t have those lows any more

When did things change? Do you think it’s a feature of how long you’ve been together or is it having a small child?

It’s not impossible to still feel butterflies after many years together. You can still have flutters and excitement and all that while enjoying the stronger more meaningful connection of an established relationship or marriage.

When I watch things like that I think fondly of breathless shagging in hotels and buying impractical underwear etc. Things have changed a lot and I’m glad we got to do it when we did rather than feeling sad we’re at a different stage now.

These days we have a preschooler and a baby, the last hotel we stayed in was a travelodge after a specialist antenatal appointment away from home, I choose bras to accommodate huge breastfeeding boobs instead of suspenders belts, we talk about interest rates and how high the mortgage will go rather than planning nice holidays. But I still think he’s the most attractive man on the planet, kissing him makes my tummy feel funny, we still have romance in between nappy changes and buying school uniform.

Is there something you could do to make things feel more exciting? Or are you happy with how things are and just pine for the newness of a new relationship?

It’s definitely on account of having a child. In a way, we’ve both poured all the love we had for each other into her. Breastfeeding for nearly two years made me almost asexual but that’s definitely improving. I suppose she’s still very little and the spark will come back as she’s bigger and more independent. I do still fancy my husband but I really miss that spark of newness. But as others have said, with those highs come some bad lows.