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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU potential friend and social anxiety

3 replies

OodleLoodle · 13/08/2023 20:19

I moved to a new area last year and having been using apps to find potential friends to meet.

Got contacted by someone in April, who seemed to share a lot of same interests, and we agreed to meet up. Between getting in touch and meeting, she was a very intense texter (I'm not really a texter but understand needs must when meeting people online! So might be a bit biased) but this was near constant instant replies even when I spaced my replies out and repeated questions if I didn't answer immediately (not why aren't you answering, but more asking questions about meals, sending links, starting new conversations if I didn't reply within the hour).

She was going through a break up at the time, so put some of the neediness in texting down to that. When it came to meeting, she recheduled 3 times at short notice and then finally on the fourth said she was suffering too badly with social anxiety to meet up.

She's now got back in touch after 4 months on silence, says she's feeling better and has started to text again. I'm in two minds about whether to go down this route again and wondered what the general consensus is?

AIBU I should give her a second chance, it would have taken a big step to get back in touch and worth seeing if this is a potential friendship

AINBU to explain (politely) I'm not interested in pursuing a friendship now and back off - this sort of behaviour is clear red flags

I really don't want to get dragged into someone's drama/flakiness before we've even met, but do normally believe in second chances!

OP posts:
SpamFrittersYouSay · 13/08/2023 20:20

I'm not sure that I would. Id be inclined to leave her be.

OodleLoodle · 13/08/2023 20:40

SpamFrittersYouSay · 13/08/2023 20:20

I'm not sure that I would. Id be inclined to leave her be.

I feel a bit like that too, but then feeling a bit... unkind to think like this?

It's absolutely not that I'm not there to support friends if they're having issues, but it just seems a really off footing to start on?

OP posts:
SpamFrittersYouSay · 13/08/2023 21:08

I sphere that it's an off footing.

Support friends when they're down, not when you've just met them.

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