Worse ever summer. Had a financial crisis and have no money at all, huge amounts coming in next month but fuck all atm. As soon as I realised what was going to happen I applied for a credit card to cushion the blow, it would have seen us through till the September big money… and guess what? Fucking Royal Mail seem to have lost it. Twice. So we’ve not been able to afford to do anything. I’ve paid my childminder as normal but she bunches up all her annual leave and I’ve been alone with very hard work DS 24/7 pretty much for 3 weeks. I’ve not been able to work, he doesn’t get to sleep till midnight most nights and as the weathers been shit and I’ve had no money for activities so we haven’t left the house. He’s been extremely aggressive, he’s punched me, spat at me, called me a c* etc because his food obsession means he asks for food 700 times a day and I have to try and control it to keep him healthy. I collapsed today and left him with his father who works long hours 6 days a week and I just sat in my room and stared at a wall. Then DH gives me a hard time for leaving him to cope on his only day off work. I feel so bad about it but I just couldn’t face him today and he loves DH and prefers him so he would have been bothering him all day even if I was there trying to deal with him. I’m in my room crying now, I’ve had half a sandwich for dinner, DS has just passed out after a marathon weekend of about 4 hrs sleep. I know DH wants me to go and sit with him and watch a film or something but I just can’t face being near anybody. He told me we were skint because I spend so much on childcare because I can’t cope! Which is true, it’s more than our housing and utilities combined and much more than I earn, But I really can’t cope, I’m suicidal much of the time, I’ve not socialised for 3 years and go days between getting dressed or brushing my hair because life just isn’t worth it with my son around me all day. When I’ve got help again and I’m working again I’ll be fine. I just can’t do 24/7 like this. DH is wonderfully practical and supportive but he just can’t hide the fact that he’s so disappointed in this family. I feel the same too. We’re both giving it everything but are desperately unhappy. Family support is actually zero- no contact at all. DS is in infants and awaiting diagnosis for obvious issues and we are the quietest, most softly spoken and non confrontational people, really not cut out to handle all these outbursts. He’s much much better when he’s been taken out, but indoors 24/7 is pure hell though. Anyway, that’s just it. Roll on September ! absolutely no way I’m letting this happen next summer , I’m going to start saving money now. Thank god they grow up , once again, I’m going to bed unwashed and scruffy to cry myself to sleep ready for tomorrows inevitable shitstorm. we had a holiday booked and paid for, but we won’t go now because of lack of spending money and the fact that I can’t handle the idea of spending a week cooped up with them both so I’m hoping I can give the holiday to someone on Facebook or something? DH should cancel his week off work really too because We’ll only argue as DSs behaviour gets worse when his Dad is around. So yeah worse summer ever.