Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think his ex his crazy

21 replies

Dancesalong · 13/08/2023 19:24

So second marriage for me and DH- we both have children from first marriage and none together (and that won’t change). Every year we have a family holiday abroad with all the children and while I do day trips in holidays etc with just mine (when his are with their mum) holidays are for all together time. We obviously pay for the whole thing for the family holidays, DH ex has never even given her kids $10 dollar’s treat money for holiday.
DH ex wife goes away 2-3 times a year and has never once taken her children so goes away with her boyfriend, she has never as much as taken them on a UK holiday. Ex has decided she will take them away in October but o my if we pay for the kids! DH doesn’t want his kids to miss out as ex’s boyfriends kids are going and as his ex doesn’t work (no disabilities or issues just has never wanted to) she can’t afford her children’s costs. She sent DH the quote and the kids are £800 each so she wants £1600- DH has said absolutely not and just because we work doesn’t mean we pay for everything, we pay and take them with us we are not paying the other way.
Ex has hit the roof saying we are selfish and money oriented and the kids this weekend openly said it’s our fault there mum is stressed- DH pointed out she could always get a job but they said she doesn’t want to (kids are 11 and 14).
she is crazy right and I am not losing my mind 🤣

OP posts:

ThinWomansBrain · 13/08/2023 19:27

Lazy rather than crazy maybe.
And entitled.

ShortColdandGrey · 13/08/2023 19:30

So because she doesn't work, she is expecting her ex-husband to pay for their holiday. She is off her head.

Catusrusty · 13/08/2023 19:42

I'm confused by the mixing of dollars and pounds.

Original poster

Dancesalong · 13/08/2023 19:53

Sorry our last holiday with them was to the USA but we are UK based

OP posts:

Redshoeblueshoe · 13/08/2023 19:56

She is certainly a CFer

OrchardBlack · 13/08/2023 20:03

She needs to get off her arse and get a job then doesn't she.

I was in a very similar situation with my ExDH OP. The mediator asked her why getting a job wasn't an option and she said 'When would I do the food shop?' It was just completely alien to he that she is as financially responsible for the kids as EX DH was. She once applied for more CMS when we got married because 'You have two incomes now'.

These people exist, unfortunately.

OrchardBlack · 13/08/2023 20:03

Christ don't know what happened with the paragraph there!

Testina · 13/08/2023 20:05

She doesn’t have to give them pocket money for a holiday on your time. So for that, YABU.

I’m almost impressed by the gall of asking for money to take them on holiday though 🤣

Assuming their father is paying a fair level of CMS after a fair divorce settlement (and I mean fair: not simply legal settlement) then I’d be quite open with the children that she’s taking the piss. I don’t Iike the idea of dragging kids into it, but sometimes they do need some clear facts.

”I’m sorry that mum feels stressed, but we are in separate households now, I pay for holidays I want to take you on, and she pays for holidays she wants to arrange.” That’s pretty logical for 11 and 14 to understand!

Original poster

Dancesalong · 13/08/2023 21:41

Yes the divorce was fair and she gets weekly maintenance, she asked for it weekly rather than monthly as she struggles budgeting we also often have additional money requests such as coats, hats, football boots, school trips which my husband pays towards or all off

OP posts:

purplebluediscorain · 13/08/2023 21:47

He needs to stay firm with the no and stick to it and explain to those kid there’s no reason why she can’t work to take them abroad and that you already spend enough money on your own holidays and give weekly maintenance. If he gives in she’ll be asking for the next years holiday to be paid for too m. My partners ex doesn’t ask for a penny towards the holiday or spending but she knows she’ll get spending money from my partner for their son and that is it.

Hufflepods · 13/08/2023 22:07

DH ex has never even given her kids $10 dollar’s treat money for holiday.

Why would she? Their father has decided to take them away, it’s down to him to fund the treat money.

He doesn’t need to give her money to take the kids away with her bf, it’s honestly weird to have even entertained that.

NewName122 · 13/08/2023 22:09

Yes she's crazy. Bat shit crazy.

NewName122 · 13/08/2023 22:10

Hufflepods · 13/08/2023 22:07

DH ex has never even given her kids $10 dollar’s treat money for holiday.

Why would she? Their father has decided to take them away, it’s down to him to fund the treat money.

He doesn’t need to give her money to take the kids away with her bf, it’s honestly weird to have even entertained that.

No it is not, many do. I give my nephew a £10 note when he goes on holiday for spends, it's not weird.

NewName122 · 13/08/2023 22:11

Hufflepods · 13/08/2023 22:07

DH ex has never even given her kids $10 dollar’s treat money for holiday.

Why would she? Their father has decided to take them away, it’s down to him to fund the treat money.

He doesn’t need to give her money to take the kids away with her bf, it’s honestly weird to have even entertained that.

Om my, Apologies! I need my glasses I read that wrong 🙈

pictoosh · 13/08/2023 22:13

She's a tryer anyway.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2023 22:14

Bless her heart. He should just ignore it now he’s said no.

Original poster

Dancesalong · 13/08/2023 22:16

i don’t expect her to fund their treats but she still gets maintenance and benefits when we take them away for 2 weeks. Maybe it’s my family’s culture as if my niece/ nephew go on holiday I give them 10/20 each for them to get them self something as does my mum with all grandchildren.

OP posts:

HappyHappyy · 13/08/2023 22:18

Agreed @Dancesalong I do the same for SD and always give friends children a few pounds to spend too.

Original poster

Dancesalong · 13/08/2023 22:19

DH has said no so then start the constant phone calls which he has ignored ( we had the children so no emergency’s) and when he doesn’t answer the texts saying she deserves help taking them away as we are the only ones who have memories so far of going abroad with her kids, the kids will be upset, the experience will benefit them as we haven’t taken them to that country etc etc (emotional blackmailing)

OP posts:

Olika · 13/08/2023 22:28

Is she wants to take her kids on a holiday then she needs to finance it. Absolutely ridiculous.

Shuggie1234 · 13/08/2023 22:30

So sorry you’re having to deal with this OP.
Your post reminds me of when my DSC were young. I went back to work full time after having both of our DC because we couldn’t afford for me not to because my DH was paying ex’s ‘mortgage’ and all the debts she ran up as well as maintenance for the DSC (fair enough) Meanwhile she didn’t work for over 20 years. And the ‘mortgage’ didn’t exist her father bought her a house outright. Money grabbing CF!
still makes my blood boil thinking about it.

Flip