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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Next door conplaint

21 replies

NotChained · 13/08/2023 19:03

Just wanna know if AIBU to be a bit annoyed with this. Moved into this house last summer, neighbour is lovely a 30 something old man who lives by himself with his two dogs.

The walls we have are thin, we don't hear next door all the time but we do hear the dogs yapping quite a bit and whenever they do have someone round or next door is on the phone. It is like they have no inside voice and are so loud that a normal conversation sounds like they are in the same room.

he probably hears us too so don't mention to them how bad we hear him whenever he has someone over or any conversation. I can hear him thumping about every day it sounds like a t rex lives next to me when he walks my house shakes but again I don't say anything.

Since moving in we get several notes through the door. One was please can my boyfriend move his car it was too close to the drive, yeah no problem. (waited til we had gone out to put through the door) The next time he was out and my boyfriend played some music whilst he was out, he came home unexpectedly to wfh my boyfriend spotted him 5 mins in and turned music off. He waited until my boyfriend was out and put a note through the door rather than coming and knocking so that's two notes so far. Ive left notes before with my number in case of any issues.

This weekend we had some people over and had some music on. We were in the garden for a bit so kept it down. We then moved inside into my back room extension that isn't attached. Closed all doors and I made sure it was barely audible in any other rooms. All music was off by 8pm.

Lo and behold in the morning I'm leaving for work and the father comes out complaining saying that they couldn't play their music in the garden or listen to the TV. That no noise comes from their house. I apologised, noted it was in the extension and off by 8 and said to come knock next time and I'd turn it down if bothering.

However now he is sat having a party with loads of people out the back talking and carrying on. I feel like I can't do anything in my house without a moan and he is putting passive aggressive notes through my door or sending someone else to complain rather than talking to me.

I feel total hypocrisy a) by saying he never makes noise. He does I'm just too polite to point it out, b) I feel like I'm not allowed to do anything in my house. I always try to be a considerate neighbour but I feeling totally hypocrisy moaning about me having people over for a couple hours when they are doing the same and the complaint was they couldn't play their music. They are still all out there now in the garden carrying on and being noisy hours after I've been told off. If it had been me and it was a one off I would have Just kept quiet?

OP posts:

DysonSpheres · 13/08/2023 19:12

On the face of it it sounds like YANBU.

That said when my neighbours are in the garden dining alfresco it's as if they are literally in my dining room.

Did you play the music in the actual garden? Or inside the house but you were in the garden with the doors open before moving into the extension?

Busubaba · 13/08/2023 19:25

'neighbour is lovely a 30 something old man'

Old man at 30?

Bloody hell!

madeofcheeze · 13/08/2023 19:27

Busubaba · 13/08/2023 19:25

'neighbour is lovely a 30 something old man'

Old man at 30?

Bloody hell!

I think OP means 30-something-old man. At least I hope so!

madeofcheeze · 13/08/2023 19:28

Having music on outside is annoying. No one else wants to hear it.

ChimChimeny · 13/08/2023 19:30

madeofcheeze · 13/08/2023 19:28

Having music on outside is annoying. No one else wants to hear it.

I agree but it sounds like he's doing it too so it's a bit rich complaining when the OP did
And.music indoors which is switched off at 8pm is definitely not grounds for a complaint

1993GoToo · 13/08/2023 19:32

Smile say ok, and carry on as you like

boboshmobo · 13/08/2023 19:44

Probably means 30/odd so typo

Original poster

NotChained · 13/08/2023 19:45

Yes I mean it as in he is 30 years old, and a man haha. Yes I totally agree about music outside, I had it really really turned down and he was doing it too, so his father's complaint was that they couldn't hear their music. Also we weren't out long maybe half an hour then went into the extension room.

I fully hold my hands up if I've caused a nuisance, I've apologised. but my issue is complaining that they couldn't do exactly the same and the fact that we were out half an hour if that and they have been out all day and are still out there at almost 8pm carrying on. I just wouldn't have said anything. It feels like total hypocrisy.

OP posts:

cansu · 13/08/2023 20:03

It is hypocrisy. I would stop being so accommodating. Sitting outside with friends is normal. If he complains again tell him straight that any noise is normal family noise. If he wants complete silence he needs to move away into the middle of a field. He will get absolutely nowhere with any noise complaints. Sounds like he is a bit of a bully.

itsgettingweird · 13/08/2023 20:03

Ignore.

Don't engage. Don't acknowledge the notes.

Shred them and put them in the recycling bin where they belong.

Enjoy your house. It's not even noise nuisance until after 11pm so he's chancing his arm.

It is hypocrisy. But it doesn't mean you should tiptoe around him and not live a normal accepted level of life.

CaroleSinger · 13/08/2023 20:07

Maybe he's doing exactly the same because he's asked you several times to keep it down and has had to keep asking again, so now feels like he will make some noise back?

Original poster

NotChained · 13/08/2023 20:14

@CaroleSinger No this party has been planned all week before we had ours as the stuff has been set out in the garden at the start of the week. We weren't even meant to have it at ours but a friend got poorly so we had to move it to mine.

Since living there, he has had multiple people over and parties where we have heard him, we haven't said anything as we figure it is part and parcel and it doesn't happen that often. We have had two parties since moving in, one he was out for and once he came back we turned it down and last night. So overall he has had more than us. Double standards comes to mind to be honest.

I listen to the dogs yap all the time, I've been woken up at 5.30am to the dogs yapping and him stomping about shaking my bedroom. but I've never said anything because living next to someone you just learn to put up with day to day noise.

OP posts:

Jibo · 13/08/2023 23:03

Don't understand this. Does the 30yo guy love alone with dogs, or does his dad live there too?

Just ignore the notes and pretend you never saw them. He can text you.

Magenta65 · 13/08/2023 23:11

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and I’d be saying or shoving a note back to him explaining all the times you’ve put up with his noise, how excessive it can be, how accommodating you have been and that all your noise is considerate and part of living attached to someone. Any further issues come and speak to you at the time or you don’t want to hear it.

purpleboy · 13/08/2023 23:34

Keep note every time his noise disturbs you. Then next time he complains pop your detailed log through his door and remind him noise is a two way street!

Original poster

NotChained · 14/08/2023 08:21

@Jibo he lives alone with dogs but his parents are over a lot. I think as he was having a party they stopped over for a couple of nights, not sure why he can't just come and speak to me though. It may not sound like it but we are on friendly terms but we always say hello to each other, take each others parcels in and have a chat asking how we are.

That's why I'm so perplexed with the whole situation. He must think he is some kind of ninja but I can tell you now he is not.

OP posts:

GabriellaMontez · 14/08/2023 08:36

He does I'm just too polite to point it out

Why? Why aren't you speaking to him about this ? The exact thing you've told him to do. Instead, you're writing it on mumsnet.

Speak to him. Have a dialogue and give him some understanding of your perspective.

queenMab99 · 14/08/2023 08:44

I would wait until he is out, then put a note through his door, complaining about the notes he puts through your door, and how it makes you feel harassed. He is a twat, and how ridiculous that a 30 year old man would need his dad to go round and complain to next door.

Fraaahnces · 14/08/2023 08:49

I think it’s telling that he waits until BF goes out to pop the notes in. He’s bullying you. Just go over and calmly let him know that you have had enough of his notes and double standards. You will live in your home making normal, reasonable life noises and if he doesn’t like them, he can move to an island.

Original poster

NotChained · 14/08/2023 12:04

@GabriellaMontez because it's just normal day to day noise! He is allowed to have people over and walk round his home.

The walls are thin, does he have the voice of a fog horn and walk about like an elephant - yes. But I've just accepted being attached to someone is how it is especially with thin walls.

I don't feel the need to put a note through or go knock and say by the way you're really loud when you talk and you are really noisy. If it happens I will say something but then it is just tit for tat.

I want to keep good relations which is why I don't say anything. I'm not going to go storming round, just the double standards really annoy me, when it is being made out that he is some kind of ninja. If the time comes I need to say something I will.

OP posts:

GabriellaMontez · 14/08/2023 12:48

Who mentioned storming around?

Why would you do this?

Use your words to describe how you can hear him and his activities. Exactly as you have here. Maybe he'll understand that both tolerance and consideration is required from both sides. That's not tit for tat.

The double standards are all yours. Expecting him to come round and communicate. But not doing the same.

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