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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let my boys have games consoles in their rooms

29 replies

3Blues · 13/08/2023 18:36

I know this is slightly controversial amongst parents, and I don't judge either way, I just do it my way for my reasons, but now I need to know if I ABUF or not?

I have three DS, 13, 12 and 5. We have all games consoles in the living room, as well as a TV in the conservatory. DH and I also have one in our room - kids have access to all of these. We don't allow games consoles in their rooms, as we don't want them hiding away all day and not functioning - I.e. going out with friends, sports, family time etc. I know kids who spend all day and night playing on these in their rooms - and they refuse to contribute to chores, school work or family life.

My DC 13 has just asked if he can sleep in the living room tonight so he can play on the games console with his friends all night. I've said no. And now I'm public enemy number 1, its unfair that they can't have consoles in their rooms, they're being left out etc.

DS 13 has a laptop, phone etc in his room. He's allowed to play during the day, the boys work on a rota system when we don't have plans. AIBU?

OP posts:

BCBird · 13/08/2023 18:42

I applaud you. Stand by your convictions. I would say no devices at all in bedrooms. Thry can play etc where you can monitor the duration. I'm.a teacher and have noticed a worrying trend where some pupils mainly boys, are physically falling asleep in lessons because they abuse unrestricted access to their devices. Public enemy number 1- oh well,I wouldn't lose any sleep over it🤣

NotAMug · 13/08/2023 18:43

TBH I don't understand why he can't do that as a one off, it's school holidays.

My teens are 17 and 15 and are basically nocturnal in school hols, they both work lots also and get up when they need to. At 13 I wouldn't have allowed them to do it every night, they probably wouldn't have wanted to as they would have been tired but teens love doing stuff like this and personally I can't see the harm at that age.

purplebluediscorain · 13/08/2023 18:45

Again as above I don’t see the harm in a night every now and then as a treat but I’d make it clear it was a treat and won’t be repeating very often and after all it is the holidays no harm will be done. It’s your life their life and the way you want to parent.

SecretVictoria · 13/08/2023 18:45

Has he got friends staying over or does he want to play online?

If they're staying over, I’d let them, as long as they kept the noise down in consideration for the rest of the household.

How long are you going to insist on this though? If he gets a PT job and buys his own and wants it in his room when he’s 16/17, you’d have a job to stop him.

BibbleandSqwauk · 13/08/2023 18:45

My 14 yo does but only in the last year and only because we don't have an extra downstairs room and I was sick of it being in the living room. He does spend a lot of time up there now but it's picked down at night (easy to do with parental controls). Given that it's the middle of the summer hols I'd allow a one off all nighter but be v v clear it's a one off.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 13/08/2023 18:46

Do they all share a room? I think the older son and maybe middle son should be able tonget away from youngest and family life. I also agree they need family time but surely it's fine if monitored

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/08/2023 18:49

I'd move the console the friends are playing on into the conservatory and let him do a late night gaming session with his friends. It's not all the time, it's holidays.

Mine don't have screens in their bedrooms either. But if dd has a friend round for sleepover then they can game til 11pm or whatever together if they like.

NotAMug · 13/08/2023 18:51

Mine have had them in their rooms for a long time but don't play them all the time. They haven't always been trustworthy with it all so never had to remove the consoles or put controls on them. If they abused my trust they would have had them removed. Obv its totally up to my 17 how he manages his time/sleep but DS2 is still at school so if I felt it was affecting him I would step in.

Anotherdayanothermoodswing · 13/08/2023 18:52

I voted yanbu but for the no console in room but am now wondering if the aibu was for vetoing the all-nighter? If so I would allow that as an occasional thing in the living room, especially over the hols, but again fully agree with principle of not in room!

My two are a bit younger but my sister did the same and carried on until about 16 before she caved. The other reason was a lot of the games have online chat and she felt (rightly imo) that she wanted to monitor that - even though she said it was sometimes like having 6 boys in the room not just one! 😆

ThePitsofDespair · 13/08/2023 18:52

I did this and it was fine, DS had his console in his room from age 17 and not before. I also game which was why I did not allow it. Don’t worry about the actual games, worry about who they meet online plus as you say too much time online.

sunshineandshowers40 · 13/08/2023 18:52

I was always against my boys having consoles in their bedrooms but the older two (14 and 13) have them in their rooms now. Youngest games downstairs. It's how the "socialise" with their friends.

Family time is important but it's the school holidays so I'm much more relaxed with screen time.

Herbiebanannas · 13/08/2023 18:53

Why can’t he play with his friends overnight during the school holidays?

Poor kid will drift away from his friend group if you keep this up.

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 13/08/2023 18:54

I don't see anything wrong with you saying no. They have access to devices through the day and the night is for sleeping. I would also worry about unsupervised online access and the biscuit cupboard being raided if it was mine!

If it makes you feel any better we have 1 TV in the house which is downstairs. None of mine have had TVs or games consoles in their rooms and they've survived. I've heard countless times about how unfair or mean I am and how everyone else's parents allow them to play 24/7 on the xbox.

pinkfondu · 13/08/2023 18:55

Yabu a one off treat in the holidays is fine

2chocolateoranges · 13/08/2023 18:57

As a one off I would allow it , it’s the school holidays.

neither of mine had computers , laptops in their rooms until they were 14/15.

they still never locked themselves in their rooms, they were always out and about.

LonelyFlans · 13/08/2023 19:00

Not a chance OP. Keep consoles/TV downstairs and don't allow an all-night/late session at that age, even in the holidays.

FionaChapman · 13/08/2023 19:02

I’d let him as a one off, just make sure he’s aware it isn’t happening every weekend.
My kids have consoles in their rooms but they don’t have unlimited access, they have to ask before going on, same with watching their TVs.

VisionsOfSplendour · 13/08/2023 19:03

No screens in bedrooms here either but I would definitely allow a one off all nighter downstairs

GlitteringUnicorn · 13/08/2023 19:07

No electronics in the bedrooms here either.
Boys- 14 and 13. They have consoles, iPad, phones. Laptops but all kept downstairs.
They are lucky though as have their own room downstairs with table tennis, pool table and darts board.
I haven't had any push back (yet!)

supersonicginandtonic · 13/08/2023 19:10

My older 3 have consoles in their rooms. You just police it. I don't see anything wrong with it. They socialise with their mates on there often and I don't want to be listening into their conversations all the time, they deserve some privacy.

Herbiebanannas · 13/08/2023 19:13

Can someone explain what the issue with a 13 year old stay in the lounge overnight to game with his mates in the school holidays?

He isn’t online chatting with ransoms, he is trying to socialise with his mates in the way kids his age do in 2023.

I genuinely don’t see the issue, so if someone wants to explain what the harm is I am all ears.

I suspect people who are dead against it don’t understand how these things work and will state he will be groomed and end up murdering someone as a result of playing violent games, when in reality he probably wants to play FIFA or something with his friend group.

SnowyPetals · 13/08/2023 19:14

I don't think the location matters particularly, you can police it by using parental controls, turning off the WiFi or removing the controllers.

Nortam · 13/08/2023 19:18

My kids have consoles in their rooms but they are only allowed on them when I say they can. Normally this is a few hours on a Saturday and Sunday.

As a one off I think it's fine for a teenager to go on late into the night. But your house your rules.

cheddercherry · 13/08/2023 19:41

It’s super tricky as it’s their way of socialising now isn’t it, so while I perhaps wouldn’t move it to his room fully I think nights in the summer or as a treat would be different? I’d not want mine to be looped out of something if all his close friends were chatting away and also think at that age he could get some privacy away from chatting with his family all around. But I also appreciate I only have one son so I wouldn’t have the arguments from slightly younger siblings if you started tweaking rules for one so I can see why you have a firm line across the board with consoles.

pilates · 13/08/2023 19:49

It is isolating him from his friends and as it’s the school holidays I think I would allow him. But it would be on the understanding he doesn’t start shrieking and yelling. I think I would set a time limit as well.

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