Does anyone have experience of complicated grief? Very depressed

[HmmOk]

Don't know what to do. There's no way to fix anything and it all feels too much, like I'm grieving for the parent who has died plus a few decades of wishing I'd had a different life with them.

It's got to a stage now where I'm struggling to get out of bed, or bother to eat and my mind is blankly grey. Though I do eat because I'm very lucky to have DP who looks after me.

What did you do for complicated grief to make it stop overwhelming you?

Oh love

Grief counselling maybe? Are you actually able to sleep when you're in bed? If you're not rested everything seems so much harder to deal with. Maybe have a chat with your GP?

This sounds similar to the situation with one of my parents - a sense that I could now never fix something that wasn't ever fixable. However, I felt like I wasn't grieving enough, though I felt a lot of loss while they were still alive. But all feelings of grief are valid and I second the suggestion of counselling, to give these complicated feelings the attention they need. A short run of sleeping pills might also give you some relief. I'm sorry for your loss and all these awful feelings.

I am sorry you are going through this. I had a very difficult relationship with a parent and we didn't speak for a number of years. Reuniting was down to me accepting that they would never change and I would have to make numerous sacrifices - which I did. Their latter years were marred by illness and they were more mellow, more of a parent but I was never able to discuss the bad times or have a voice.

They died over 2 year ago, and I too struggled with why I grieved when they were prepared to cast me away whilst living. I believe that part of my grief was that I was never able to address the past.

All grief is personal, complicated and not always linear. I suppose I have come to terms with it not always being bad, there were good times also. Happy memories, quirks and anecdotes I can share with my children. I have accepted that times and circumstances were different back then and I refuse to dwell on them. However, I will never know if they regretted their choices.

You don't say if your loss was recent. Have you considered greif counselling to talk through your feelings.

Thank you.

I sleep and sleep and sleep, it's all I can do.

I'm having counselling but not sure if it is making me worse. I'd prefer to just forget everything or at least shove it to one side and counselling is like shining a massive spotlight on everything.

It was still all there and haunting me before I went to counselling so I was still struggling then anyway.

I just need everything to go away and not be true, and obviously can't make that happen.

I can't stop crying for my mum.

It's not the later years I'm sad for, because our relationship had really evolved and we had become such good friends to each other and so loving. Nothing was left unsaid, I realise I'm lucky to have that

It's the absences from childhood and young adulthood when I really needed her.

I understand. My dad died earlier this year in a really distressing way after a long illness.
I actually hated him and had been low contact for decades. I knew I would have to step up up to support my mum though and dreaded it with all my being. He was emotionally and verbally abusive all through my childhood.
I have grieved for the father I should have had. I felt desperately sorry for him too which surprised me, or maybe it was sorry for myself I don’t know.
I went through all the motions for my mum and was there when he actually went which was traumatic. I think I am still in shock actually.
Take care of your own self, be kind towards yourself. There is no competition in grief but I do wish I could just grieve a parent in the “normal” way.

I am so sorry for your loss.
My brother died from addiction in May. I had supported him unconditionally for 20 years through so so many terrible times, but in the past 6 months of his life I had made the decision to cut contact for my own family's sake. Grief is the most complicated and devastating thing you could ever go through, and when there is history, guilt, anger, bitterness, sadness and many 'what ifs' it makes it all the more awful. I would suggest support groups and perhaps trying a different counsellor. My therapist is honestly the most incredible support and has helped me so much it's hard to even put into words.
If you ever need anyone to chat to, please feel free to private message me. Sending you love xxxx