To think coffee and a chat with a female friend/acquaintance isn't the way to fix your marriag

[PurpleSteak]

I was out this morning with a group of friends and acquaintances for a sport. One of the men was well off his game, he apologised , he'd only had an hour's sleep.

Me, just been interested/making conversation, said why's that? Expecting him to tell me about a big night out.

Anyway, he's having problems at home but "it's OK we're working through it". I said I hope out works out, you've got my number if you want a coffee or a chat. Then we went back to talking about sport.

I just said it in the same way that I would for anyone else telling me about any other problem. Kind of if I can help you know where I am.

Usually when I make that kind of offer I follow it up and often people are glad of it and do take advantage of the offer of a chat. I know when something terrible happened in my life, I was much more thankful for the ones who made me feel they really did want that coffee than the ones who said "you know where I am...." and we're never heard of again.

Anyway I don't for a minute expect him to take me up on it and I shouldn't make the offer again, should I?

I shouldn't make the offer again, should I?

Unless you actually do want it to look like you're making a move on him... Is there anything we should be reading between the lines here, OP?

No absolutely not. He's a nice man, I don't know him well but he's always seemed pretty smitten by his amazing wife, who I don't know, but he's often talked about very positively. I've never heard him say a bad word, which is unusual, most people moan about their partners sometimes?

Anyway I've no idea what the issues are and genuinely wish them well. I think the very fact that I just see him as a friend and barely notice he's a man (rather than a person iyswim) is the reason I offered.

I just know when I needed people it was wonderful when instead of saying "you know where I am", they said "how about coffee Saturday morning?"

You already answered your question in your post title. Not sure why you would want to push him to chat about his marital problems.

Stop being a weirdo OP and inviting other peoples husbands for a coffee & chat about their marriage.

I don't want to push him to do anything, he can talk a out whatever he likes or nothing. I just remember what a difference people made to me when I needed them and some of them weren't the people I thought would be "there" for me.

Anyway obviously it's not something that should happen, I suppose on reflection I've shocked myself with the offer and realisation that I shouldn't follow it up like I usually would. Which might be a shame but is definitely best.

Your post doesn't go with your title.

if you have his number & you a million percent don't fancy him, then there's no harm in texting him to see if he wants to talk over a coffee. But frankly most men would rather shave their eyebrows off!!

I wouldn't make it again. Just ask him how he's doing (in a general way) next time you see him for your hobby and that opens the door if he wants to chat as he knows you know.
You've made the offer once, it was kind and he probably appreciated it and that's that.

I don't think it's weird at all. If it was a genuine offer I'd follow up and if he says no then don't press any further. It sounds like a kind offer to me.

If he contacts you then I’d suggest you arrange to meet up as a group. If he doesn’t contact you then leave it be.

it’s kind you’ve offered to someone who may want to chat and need a friend but I wouldn’t chase it. I’d leave it to him and then make sure he’s aware it’s purely platonic

It was a nice idea OP and came from a good place, but I agree with you, I don't think him being seen meeting for a coffee with a woman from his sporting group is going to do his marriage many favours.

I don't think his wife would see it as a kind offer.

I wouldn't repeat/follow up an offer to meet and talk to anyone out of the blue, tbh, unless they initiated it again by bringing up their problems another time. Making the offer once seems like plenty! If something like this happened again, I'd simply express sympathy and a hope that things improve for them.

Your post and your title don't seem to have been written out of the same thought process. Either you think that a coffee and a chat with a female friend is likely to help someone with their troubles, or you don't, but your title suggests you don't, but your post suggests you do. Or is it that you think it's only women who should speak to their friends about their marriages, or have coffee with other women? On the other hand, why did you ask him if he wanted coffee and a chat if you think it's dubious in an opposite-sex situation?

No it's inappropriate. Don't be one of those women it's tacky and desperate. Get your own husband.

Why do I get the feeling you're way overthinking a casual gesture, because you want it to be more than that...

You had it right in your title. Coffee and a chat with a female friend is NOT the way to fix your marriage.

Which makes it a bit weird that you offered, really...

Considering that's what my ex friend offered my now ex husband when we were going through issues and now she's shacked up with him... No it's not really OK in. My eyes but I'm biased