A big stick to beat myself with......or it is ok?

[Page62]

My DD is 4 and a bit and she is in nursery. She is in the nursery of the school where she will be going to Reception (can go all the way to age 13). When i looked at some of the threads here, i saw that a number of mums actively teach their children phonics, reading etc...apart from making cards with her (where i tell her the letters to write), drawing/painting, reading to her - it has never occured to me to "teach" her or do activities with her that obviously reinforce what has been taught to her at school. Whilst i think when she's older i will definitely help with homework, it has never occured to me to start teaching her how to read - especially as she doesn't yet come home with homework or such like.

She knows all her letters and numbers, can write any letter i say to write, can guess at reading a word (memorised books, guesses from the first couple of letters etc), can add a bit - so not really concerned about her progress. It's more whether what i'm doing is considered lazy parenting. I got so guilty reading the other threads i ordered jolly phonics - but am not sure if we would really do that (or colour the peppa pig pictures i've printed in the office instead - much more fun).

Sorry for being so waffly, with lots of recent comments here against working parents (i work FT), i guess am being a bit sensitive.

I guess the activities i currently do with her when i get home - i.e. colouring, reading books etc - also allows DS (who is 23 months ) to be involved.....

of course it's not lazy parenting, I'd say that was far more the norm.

It doesn't matter. Let her play. They don't have to be learning and working all the time. Don't feel badly. Let a child be a child, is my philosophy! Run, jump, imagine and be freeeeeeeeeeeeee

seriously. Don't be silly.
She should be having fun.
Two people I trust ( my mother who had 8 children and ran a nursery & my DD's pre-prep teacher) both said leave it alone when I brought this up. If your child starts showing interest and is drawn to letters and shapes etc then go with it. But at 4 she is better off exploring and expanding her fine & gross motors skills, speech and communication and her self help skills.

Find another stick

I agree. Children will spend long enough in school, doing homework, studying etc. Let them play while they can!

page62 - I'm with you 100%. That could of course be because I work FT, or it could just be that I think children will learn things if/when they're interested, so the best thing you can do is feign show interest in the things they're interested in learning about at the time.

Weird!
I used to worry about the exact same thing.
Friend has taught her child reading and maths to secondary school level before he has even started reception! Entire conversation consists of quantative facts. !!!!
Mind you, he has trouble talking to and playing with other children and I'm not convinced it is a good idea.

I do painting and sewing and stuff with mine and the odd bit of reading. A bright child will soon pick it up no matter what age they start.
I did really agonise for ages but why would I want to rob my child of the first few years of just having fun and developing her personality? DC is very chatty, makes friends, is interested in the world, and really at her age reading is not very much use, they play imaginative stuff all the time.
Don't worry, this frenzy to get pre school children on the academinc ladder is entirely adult led, not child led. And all the stats show they even up at 7/8 anyway and sometimes early starters actually fizzle out as a teenager cos it's just too much and I think it would be worse to go to school, be really ahead and then watch people catch you up and pass you!!!! Better to start off where it's all new and improve steadily.

Also, the stingy side of me says I want the teachers to earn their money and actually teach my child, not have child sitting there bored cos I did all the work at home!!!!

If my child asks I point out numbers and shapes (she is 4) and she is very eager to write and she copies out the letters to make the words. This gives her so much pleasure, but it is a "pull" from her not a "push" from me.

Relax!

That's a relief.....i just read a few threads where mums have taught their children to read by age 3 or something because they seemed really interested (so not questioning) but i suppose my DD would also be interested but i am not ! (interested in teaching her how to read at that age IYSWIM). So i suppose (as always) i felt some level of guilt.
it's the working FT thing, everywhere i turn, there's something i'm not doing because i (supposedly) never am around.

It sounds like you're doing lots of good things with her - reading to her will help her make sense of learning to read when she gets to school, painting and colouring are good for motor skills. There's no benefit to her in having you teach her stuff which she will do when she gets to school, chances are you'd do it differently to the school method anyway, then she'd have to re-learn it.

Teachers will thank you more for teaching her to listen, take turns, put on her own coat and shoes, ask when she needs to go to the loo, etc, all of which the nursery will be doing with her anyway.

Enjoy her while she's home, and find another stick to beat yourself with....

Don't treat anything on a mumsnet thread as 'the norm'.

have been through this. Ds started school as a "tabula rasa", he only knew the letter A.

my dad keeps on and on at me to teach our 4yo dd to read, because I could read by the time I was 3, he thinks that is some sort of sign of intelligence or something! In fact, I was bored in primary school while everyone else was learning to read, and felt a bit left out while waiting for everyone else to catch up. It seems to have been more for his plaesure than mine, and I'm not going to be bullied into pushing my dd! She is learning really well at nursery. Her teacher told me that she (the teacher) hates when parents try to educate their children and do it differently to the way they do it at nursery, leading to confusion. I do do some stuff with dd1, mainly letter recognition games and stuff she brings home from nursery, but I agree that if they do plenty learning at nursery when they get home its better to let them play a bit!