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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

17 replies

threefiftysix · 13/08/2023 12:33

Had friends over yesterday for lunch. Husband and I shared workload for cooking although I did the mental prep beforehand (planned menu, online shops etc).

I wasn't feeling great yesterday but we went ahead as these friends live in America so wouldn't be able to reschedule.

They arrived at midday and I was hoping to be done by around 6.

At 6, friends started making noises about leaving, we all have young kids.

Husband asks if they want to stay for dinner and insisted we order a takeaway to spend more time together and so they don't have to worry about food when they get back to their hotel.

Friends say yes. I'm absolutely livid, so exhausted after a day of hosting and not feeling well and just wanted to get toddler into bed and go to sleep.

AIBU to be annoyed that husband did this or is it just a normal thing to do? Probably didn't help that I wasn't drinking as wasn't feeling well whilst husband was knocking back the wine!!!

I really like them - it's not at all personal, just was exhausted.

OP posts:
panko · 13/08/2023 12:34

He should have discussed with you in private before offering

ManchesterLu · 13/08/2023 13:09

Did he know you weren't feeling well? He might have thought he was doing a good thing, maximising the time you spend together given they live so far away?

Busubaba · 13/08/2023 13:11

He wanted more time with them, you didn't because you were feeling unwell.

He may have underestimated how unwell you were feeling because you had been capable during cooking the meal and hosting the guests in the afternoon.

You could have said you felt unwell and gone to bed with your toddler.

I don't think it's a case of anyone being unreasonable, just having different needs.

Original poster
threefiftysix · 13/08/2023 19:29

Thanks for responding.

He knew I wasn't 💯 but I wasn't really unwell. More run down and tired. I perhaps should have been more vocal about it.

He definitely did think he was doing a nice thing, there was no malice or anything there. I'll probably get slammed for saying this but I just feel like he should check with me before extending the invite to dinner. Although I'm not going to lie - if the tables were turned and we had good friends round who we hadn't seen for a year and I was tipsy I prob would have done the same. So I probably am being unreasonable 🙈

I am generally 'in charge' of the social calendar- he never has a clue until the day before when I tell him x or y are coming over tomorrow. So in some strange way, I feel like he should have checked with me first.

OP posts:
xyz111 · 13/08/2023 19:31

I don't think he was being a jerk, probably thought if you got takeaway, no one needs to cook and you can just carry on chilling out and not have to worry about dinner.

TeaKitten · 13/08/2023 19:34

I think it’s you BU here, especially with your update. You weren’t really ill and it was clearly a one off.

UltramarineViolet · 13/08/2023 19:36

Inviting them to stay for a takeaway in the evening is a fairly normal and nice thing to do if you didn't already have plans for the evening

I can't imagine being annoyed with my DH for doing this unless the guests were people that he knew I didn't like or I had expressly asked him not to invite them to stay later than necessary before their arrival

SweetPotatoAndPeanutStew · 13/08/2023 22:07

Sorry, I think you are BU.

Lollypop701 · 13/08/2023 22:53

not unreasonable, just tired and narky. He thought it was ok you would have too if you’d been you. You weren’t, he’d had a few beers and and didn’t read the room. Shit happens

EmmaPaella · 13/08/2023 23:01

YWNBU. They was a bit of a curveball by DH. I’d have been done by six too.

Alloveragain3 · 13/08/2023 23:04

I don't see the issue but I also wouldn't have hesitated to leave DH to entertain and let the guests know I had to go upstairs to put DC to bed and wasn't feeling well so might fall asleep.

ErinAndTonic · 13/08/2023 23:22

I'd say you are because it's not like you had to cook and fuss around, it was just a takeaway and you could have gone to sleep if you were genuinely unwell. It it's just tiredness you can slop in front of the TV easy enough.

As the friends aren't local, it makes total sense that they might need to see each other longer. I wouldn't expect my partner to ask me permission to do that, but if I was exhausted I'd probably have eaten and went off to bed and said my goodbyes.

UsingChangeofName · 13/08/2023 23:27

YABU.

these are friends you clearly can't see often PLUS they were going back to a hotel.
Getting a takeaway sounds like the most sensible course of action.
Being 'a bit tired' wouldn't have stopped me asking them myself, let alone being cross with dh for doing so.

Original poster
threefiftysix · 14/08/2023 20:03

Thank you everyone. I think I probably was being a bit unreasonable. Good to know!

OP posts:
HelloSquire · 14/08/2023 20:10

Hope you are feeling better @threefiftysix but I would have excused myself and buggered off to bed with a cuppa

Original poster
threefiftysix · 14/08/2023 20:14

I'm feeling better thank you! I'm not sure why but I would find it really hard to do that as I'm pretty certain they would then have insisted they should leave

OP posts:
HelloSquire · 14/08/2023 20:25

That's good @threefiftysix but it's their choice if they decide to go, tbh that would be the polite option

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