Photos from a family gathering on Facebook

AJ65 · 2023-08-13T03:03:42+00:00

Last weekend I went to a family gathering with various aunts, uncles, and cousins. The aunt who hosted the gathering asked the photographer of the family to take pictures of her grand and great grandchildren in front of the house and I enjoyed watching them all goof around. After the event, it became clear that photos had been taken of all the cousins, except me. The 'photographer' cousin posted gorgeous pictures of all the other cousins posing together, and various family groupings. The only picture of me is one of me and my uncle where I'm in side profile looking terrible and he looks extremely concerned about me. That would be bad enough, but my cousin is also still FB friends with my ex who has blocked me on FB, so I'm pissed that the only picture he'll see is me looking terrible with my uncle looking concerned. Am I being unreasonable to ask my cousin to take that picture down?

TheSilentSister · 13/08/2023 04:07

Ask her but tell her why otherwise she might think you're being odd. I get it though.

Original poster

AJ65 · 13/08/2023 04:11

The 'photographer' cousin loves my ex. The first family occasion he came to she took a billion pictures of him and maybe 2 of me.

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SpidersAreShitheads · 13/08/2023 04:42

Why do you care what an ex thinks?

If the fact that your ex will see an unflattering photo of you is the only reason to ask for it to be removed then I think you need to let it go and move on. It’s not healthy to fixate on whether an ex thinks you look good in a photo they may incidentally glimpse. Let it go - your ex’s opinion of you is unimportant.

twoandcooplease · 13/08/2023 04:43

I would ask her to take it down first. Just say that you're not looking your best and would rather it wasn't online

But re the family picture - that's sad you were left out, I'm sorry. I wouldn't say something about this until the next time though. It might have just been a mistake

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 13/08/2023 04:45

I would just ask for them to take the photo down.

declutteringmymind · 13/08/2023 06:25

Honestly, let it go, and let your ex go to.

Obviously this cousin is a right piece of work. Of course she's being a bitch. My SIL does this. As soon as I walk out of the room, she gathers the family and takes pictures.

Maybe tell a few loyal family members, and they'll be sure to include you next time.

Instead of taking the pics down, perhaps you can send a generic message to everyone asking that they do not put pictures of you on social media if they are friends with your ex.

If you do this she can't carry on as she will lose favour with everyone else. This person will likely be all about the way things look, and she can't go against you.

Original poster

AJ65 · 14/08/2023 00:37

SpidersAreShitheads · 13/08/2023 04:42

Why do you care what an ex thinks?

If the fact that your ex will see an unflattering photo of you is the only reason to ask for it to be removed then I think you need to let it go and move on. It’s not healthy to fixate on whether an ex thinks you look good in a photo they may incidentally glimpse. Let it go - your ex’s opinion of you is unimportant.

I should have been clearer. This is my ex-husband and the father of my child. We had a particularly unpleasant break up and he does not have any contact with our child.

It's not just 'an ex'.

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Noargumentsnowworse · 14/08/2023 05:54

I could probably guarantee your ex won’t cares certainly not as much as you think. An unflattering pic TBH he’s seen you at your best and worst.
I seen a picture of my ex wife still married so wife 😂 you know the really smiley look at me happy one’s but I don’t know is she didn’t look her usual hot. Self, actually hope she had a good night and on to the next post,

SpidersAreShitheads · 14/08/2023 06:50

AJ65 · 14/08/2023 00:37

I should have been clearer. This is my ex-husband and the father of my child. We had a particularly unpleasant break up and he does not have any contact with our child.

It's not just 'an ex'.

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Ah right OK.

So, with my practical head on, what's the actual issue here?

Is it a safety thing - you don't feel safe if he sees images of you and knows where you are/have been?

Or is it that you just don't want him to see images of you, particularly unflattering ones, because he's a giant arse?

If it's the former, then you'd be absolutely right to ask for your photo to be removed and to be untagged from the post (if you are tagged in it). Your safety should always be paramount.

If it's the latter, I would go back to my previous comment that it doesn't matter. Don't let him or the"photographer" that's clearly on his side know that you're bothered. Better not to have any reaction at all to the photo or else it looks as if he can still get at you. Take the high road and ignore it. One bad photo won't make any difference to the situation, and it's better for your mental health to try and rise above it. Don't give him any head space at all.

I would say there are two very different approaches depending on the reason that you don't want him to see your photo.

Either way I'm sorry that you're stuck in this situation - it does sound like a bloody nightmare and I really do empathise.

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/08/2023 06:56

SpidersAreShitheads · 14/08/2023 06:50

Ah right OK.

So, with my practical head on, what's the actual issue here?

Is it a safety thing - you don't feel safe if he sees images of you and knows where you are/have been?

Or is it that you just don't want him to see images of you, particularly unflattering ones, because he's a giant arse?

If it's the former, then you'd be absolutely right to ask for your photo to be removed and to be untagged from the post (if you are tagged in it). Your safety should always be paramount.

If it's the latter, I would go back to my previous comment that it doesn't matter. Don't let him or the"photographer" that's clearly on his side know that you're bothered. Better not to have any reaction at all to the photo or else it looks as if he can still get at you. Take the high road and ignore it. One bad photo won't make any difference to the situation, and it's better for your mental health to try and rise above it. Don't give him any head space at all.

I would say there are two very different approaches depending on the reason that you don't want him to see your photo.

Either way I'm sorry that you're stuck in this situation - it does sound like a bloody nightmare and I really do empathise.

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I agree with this.

CandyflossKaren · 14/08/2023 06:59

He's still just an ex!

Why do you care so much?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/08/2023 20:44

I would say 'please get rid of that photo I look awful in it and especially with you stil being fiends with my ex it's v embarrassing!

Original poster

AJ65 · 16/08/2023 23:59

SpidersAreShitheads · 14/08/2023 06:50

Ah right OK.

So, with my practical head on, what's the actual issue here?

Is it a safety thing - you don't feel safe if he sees images of you and knows where you are/have been?

Or is it that you just don't want him to see images of you, particularly unflattering ones, because he's a giant arse?

If it's the former, then you'd be absolutely right to ask for your photo to be removed and to be untagged from the post (if you are tagged in it). Your safety should always be paramount.

If it's the latter, I would go back to my previous comment that it doesn't matter. Don't let him or the"photographer" that's clearly on his side know that you're bothered. Better not to have any reaction at all to the photo or else it looks as if he can still get at you. Take the high road and ignore it. One bad photo won't make any difference to the situation, and it's better for your mental health to try and rise above it. Don't give him any head space at all.

I would say there are two very different approaches depending on the reason that you don't want him to see your photo.

Either way I'm sorry that you're stuck in this situation - it does sound like a bloody nightmare and I really do empathise.

Show quote history

Thanks, it's the latter, but it is a bloody nightmare. Today I realised the comments I couldn't see on old photos were from him. Blocking is really unpleasant, but you're right I should probably just let it go.

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