Changed name and fuzzed some details as it’s quite identifying but I’m a long term poster and do offer support to others here whenever I can.
I was just sat, after another hell of a tough day trying to cheer myself up. These little chats I have with myself keep me on the straight and narrow because I don’t really have any real life confidences other than long suffering DH now. I was taking stock of where I am in my journey of life and the fact I still battle trauma and mental health but have come such a long way. I’ll offer a very condensed version, but ultimately I grew up in a home where I experienced every type of abuse that exists, ran away at 15, ended up working in the sex industry and catching a nasty class A habit. Ran away again from the gang I was trapped by and started a new life in a new area with a small baby ( not exposed to drugs , was a turning point) and survived long enough to change my mindset and work a 9-5 I hated. Nursery fees paid by benefits, tears in the bath at night due to exhaustion and very hard to budget and maintain a nice home , but at least we had what we needed most of the time, life was hard, I made mistakes and had breakdowns and minor wobbles but I fought a good fight and never ever let him go without and I was was fiercely protective due to my own experiences growing up so he never experienced any abuse or suffered beyond some poverty and hard times. Said child is very happy and healthy and successful now as an adult , we have a great relationship. I was fortunate enough to settle down with a great guy and have another child who has some mild SEN but is bloody fabulous and talented and happy. We live in a nice home and we are solid as anything. I’ve just had to choose between 4 offers to do my postgrad because I achieved a ridiculously good score with my BA and fought for my life against PTSD and anxiety to finish it and yet, I absolutely smashed it. Now I feel unstoppable and so lucky life gave me another shot. I still deal with hassle and drama from my family but I feel so immune to actually being harmed by their antics now, I keep strong boundaries and respect our sanctuary so much that most of them don’t even know where we live. Today was hard, I’ve had a lot piled onto me mentally again by the ‘dysfunctionals’ as DH calls them, but I’ve maintained my calm and look forward to the future . I can’t wait to get back to uni in a few weeks too! I have such big plans now. I’m so grateful. Deeply, deeply grateful.
Thats all really, I hope my story gives hope to someone else with a really rough start in life who’s fucked up. You can move past things, beat addictions and achieve stuff, our struggles don’t define us.