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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does anybody else feel like 'Is this it?'

21 replies

Wagonwheel123 · 12/08/2023 19:47

I've been working with some 18 year old students and they've had the leavers ball, finished a levels, some going to uni, some travelling, getting into first relationships, all the excitement is to come. I know it can also be hard to be so young as you haven't emotionally developed yet, but I think I'm just feeling a bit nostalgic.
I graduated uni 10 years ago, had a few years living abroad which was great, now I'm back here, working,with approx 36 years until retirement age (will probably be a lot longer in reality!)
I am lucky that I live with my partner in a small but nice flat, I like the city we live in, and I see my family often, I also go on nice holidays or trips a couple of times a year. I am in good health.
Sometimes you just feel like 'Is this the rest of my life?'
I don't earn much, always looking for ways to improve on that. Rarely see any friends, maybe a coffee once a month but that's it. They all just seem busy and uninterested.
I don't know if I'll even end up married, partner isn't ready yet, but it's all just a waiting game.
Just feel a bit unfulfilled sometimes and don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wagonwheel123 · 12/08/2023 19:48

I've joined a meet-up to make new friends, went for a coffee with one girl, unfortunately we had absolutely nothing in common and we were completely different. I'll just keep trying.

OP posts:

OwlBabiesAreCute · 12/08/2023 19:51

Yes, frequently. I have DC who are at the uni / leaving home stage and makes me wish I could have all that still to come!

swanling · 12/08/2023 19:52

Do you not have any moments of satisfaction, joy, peace, anything positive in your day to day life?

Sorry, I don't understand what you think should be there that isn't. It sounds nice?

Original poster

Wagonwheel123 · 12/08/2023 19:54

I do yes, I just feel like it's mostly the same, work, come home, go shopping, tidy, etc.
Occasionally go on trips which I do enjoy.
I have hobbies but just lost a lot of motivation ATM.
It's so hard to make friends as an adult, and I see people planning these weddings and buying houses (I know it's not the be all and end all)

OP posts:

doyouwanticewiththat · 12/08/2023 19:57

Totally get you , I'm at that stage now , but older than you are. I wonder if we all feel like that at some stages in life . I remember feeling it when I was qualified in my first career, and been working in it a while , and now I'm feeling it again after having a family and an amazing 20 year second career, which is now unfortunately coming to an end.. maybe time to just find some new challenges..

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 12/08/2023 19:58

..... that's when we had children!!

swanling · 12/08/2023 19:59

So is it excitement you want? Because you can choose to make plans that you will feel excited about?

Or is it that you feel like you're not "achieving" the right life goals? And if I say you were getting married / being promoted / having a child / watching the child graduate, then you'd be happy?

Because with the second scenario, that's pretty much a recipe to never be happy in the moment because you're always deferring it into a future fantasy. You can opt out of seeing life that way. There's no medal at the end, focus on the present moment.

Or are you feeling lonely?

LetMeEnfoldYou · 12/08/2023 19:59

Yeah. I'm in my 40s and just think...what exciting adventures are there to come? None, they're all behind me.

Original poster

Wagonwheel123 · 12/08/2023 20:03

It's a combination of the 3 I think!
It's so easy to make friends at school/uni as you've got that in common (even if looking back some weren't the best friendships)
But I never realised how hard it would be as an adult. You have to find people who are actually interested in friendship, many aren't. Then you have to have a connection with them, and hope they don't just stop bothering.
Opposite sex friendships can be tricky as you never know what they're really thinking and their real intentions.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wagonwheel123 · 12/08/2023 20:04

I suppose we all get it at some moments in life as other posters have said!
I just need to make some more exciting plans. I haven't had any annual leave since start of April so that's probably not helped.

OP posts:

EmmaPaella · 12/08/2023 20:07

I felt like that at your age yes. Apart from having kids which is quite extreme unless you are really ‘there’, looking back, I should definitely have booked more holidays/travelled. Not having annual leave since April is rubbish. I did this too and now make sure I always book regular breaks.

swanling · 12/08/2023 20:08

For me, I think it's important to remember that the flat moments are the flip side to being able to feel joy. You wouldn't be able to notice the excitement/joy if you felt that way constantly - it would just be nothingness.

As long as you don't feel flat and miserable all the time.

Original poster

Wagonwheel123 · 12/08/2023 20:08

Thank you. I've got a week off the end of this month luckily!

OP posts:

Original poster

Wagonwheel123 · 12/08/2023 20:09

Yes that's true, it's a balance I suppose.

OP posts:

Pinkitydrinkity · 12/08/2023 20:11

Yes I know what you mean! I have an v nice life but every week I sit at my stupid desk doing my stupid emails and think, is this really what I was put on this earth to do?! I’m hardly saving lives! There must be more to life - but what? 🥲

A crisis in between quarter and mid- life perhaps?

swanling · 12/08/2023 20:12

Have you got anything planned for your week off?

Do your hobbies involve other people?

Even if it doesn't lead to the kinds of friendships you hoped for, joining activities with regular groups of people can give you a sense of being more connected to others

Original poster

Wagonwheel123 · 12/08/2023 20:13

I'm sorry you feel that way too :(
Yes, I'm going away :)
That's a good point, I do things like parkrun which involves being around a lot of others. Hope this will pass soon.

OP posts:

Parseley · 12/08/2023 20:20

I think you’ve answered yourself in your posts - it’s friends and connections. If you can get tips on that and work on that you’ll feel ok op. Life without social connections feels empty, yes posters will come along and say how they never see anyone and crochet and they love it - fine but we are social creatures and I think it stands out they you are craving that.

Pinkitydrinkity · 12/08/2023 20:20

Also do you work from home a lot? I find it very isolating and definitely doesn’t help the apatheticness!

NoStrangertotheRain · 12/08/2023 20:25

I think it's the downside of an an incredibly privileged life.

We don't have the daily struggle of finding clean water or growing our own food so we search for dissatisfaction instead of languishing in our good fortune.

WomanAtWork · 12/08/2023 20:27

I definitely felt like that in my early 30s. Everything was so planned and so perfect, life had been carefree and each “next step” felt so logical. I travelled, went out, just loved life. But it went a bit flat as friends got busy with young families.

Then I lost a parent, got married myself and had a baby and life just got so busy and I haven’t looked back. I know kids aren’t in everyone’s destiny, but for me having two kids has been utterly fulfilling. And one of them persuaded me to get pets, so now I have them to look after too!

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