Always the listener? AIBU

[Rosyleigh]

The few friends I have seem to always open up to me, which is fine to a certain degree, I consider myself a good listener. However, more and more over the last couple of years I seem to give an inch and they take a mile, monopolising the whole meet-up ( 3 or 4 hours) with their offloading (not about anything particularly important nor a desperate situation iyswim). I do try to interject but they always bring the subject back around to them. This isn't an isolated event, this has happened time and time again to me with 4 or 5 separate friends. If the conversation was broken up with a heartfelt 'How have you been Rosy?' 'What have you been up to Rosy' 'How's that new medicine working out for you Rosy?' I could kind of get over it but I'm starting to think it must be me, something I'm doing wrong or am I just crap at choosing really unlucky with my friends?
YABU - Suck it up. That's just what friends do
YANBU - Your friends are shit. Get new friends

I can't help much, but I often get the same. I do have a few friends who'll ask questions and show an interest in me, which is lovely. But in general I find the same as you. Many of my friends talk about themselves and show very little interest in me. Like you, if I try to interject, they turn the subject back round to them.

I often wonder what I'm doing wrong. Like with you, friends have told me I'm a good listener, and I genuinely enjoy hearing about people's lives - I find it fascinating. But I wonder why they don't feel the same - do they find me dull? Is the way I talk about things boring? Are the things I say boring? I just don't know. But sometimes, after lunch with a friend who's talked about herself for a couple of hours and shown no interest in me, I feel really sad. So no help, but empathy!

This isn't an isolated event, this has happened time and time again to me with 4 or 5 separate friends.

You need to be more assertive and lead the conversation.

Oh @Labradorandme I'm so sorry to hear this, and I can totally empathise - this is exactly how I feel after - just really sad.

I suspect you are definitely not dull, nor what you say is boring, its easy to blame yourself but try not to think like that - there's nothing more boring than someone that talks constantly about themselves - so they most certainly should win that award! This is them not you, and unfortunately, I think people do tend to take advantage of a giving person, be it an ear or something else. It's really sad but at least we are not them 💕💐

@OwlBabiesAreCute I am actually assertive, I just am not selfish and let people talk and give me their news with the hope that at some point the conversation will turn, but with certain people it just doesn't. Not sure I'd want to 'lead' a conversation, for me a conversation is give and take - there should be no 'leader' (at least when I've had good conversations with others that don't 'lead' - that's how it's always gone)

Op you are misunderstanding me. You can't just listen and 'hope' it will turn to you or nothing will change, they have already made it clear that won't be happening.

So talk about something you are interested in. And if they change the subject - you change it back. Or tangentially change it to something else. That's how conversation flows, not the monologues you're describing.

@OwlBabiesAreCute ah I see what you mean. Yes I will try that in future, it feels a bit rude, (if they haven't finished telling their story - which last time didn't actually end!) but you are right, it's what I need to do. I wish I didn't have to consciously steer though, be nice for the conversation to flow equally and naturally. It's only with certain friends (admittedly I seem to have a number with the same fault) with others it's naturally more even sided. Thank you for your advice, it's appreciated