To wonder if this is normal behaviour in my mum?

[Flowerhouse]

She's 76. Happily married (or used to be!) Very comfortable lifestyle, wants for nothing. Should be living the dream retirement really. My dad worked very hard all his life and my mum supported him. Dad retired just before covid hit. They like all of us struggled with lockdown etc. I think really this is when I noticed changes in her but I've no idea if it's a result of that or just an age thing.
She is becoming increasingly moody and quite argumentative. Never used to be. Was always happy, we are a very close loving family and mum was our absolute rock. I would say over the last year it's harder to have proper conversations. Not because she doesn't understand you but because she'll either disagree and go on and on about it or she won't respond like how she would have previously. It's really difficult to explain. My dad says they argue every single day because she won't stop going on. It's about anything really. From the car going to the garage to deciding where next to go on holiday. I suppose it's like she can't make decisions anymore so overreacts and takes it all out on my dad? I know early signs of dementia can cause mood swings but she doesn't have any other symptoms at all. She's just not quite like she was 5 years ago. But is that to be expected at 76 or should I be concerned? Would appreciate it anyone has experienced similar.

It's because her house was her domain and now your DDad is always home getting in the way and not knowing how to do things her way

It's normal and frustrating for both of them to acclimatise to this new setting

My DM had to sort of train my dad to think to do basic tasks

When my DDad retired from his city job where he commuted so was away most of the day she said he was completely doing her head in constantly being around

My DDad had a very well paid senior role and had little common sense in basic areas as my DM is very controlling so likes doing things her way around the house so she's had to learn to accommodate him and teach him

They have lots of holidays abroad and UK city breaks each year so I guess that's fun for them to plan and do

She gave him tasks like chopping up veg, collecting bread each morning and the papers. He has his tasks like hoovering, painting etc

They go into London a lot on day trips and also see friends separately, DM is more sociable than DDad but he has connected with friends of his he didn't have time for.

Family visit them from all over and they're great hosts and have the space.

I'd say it took my DM at least a couple of years to get into the swing of having him around

My Mum is 79 and has had some very similar changes in personality like you describe.

For my Mum, it was us announcing we were looking to move house (so not live locally to her anymore) that seemed yo trigger an overnight change in her, which then got worse and worse over the subsequent 18 months. I have a very superficial relationship with her now, because she can't talk about anything that isn't her thoughts or opinion, I just have to nod and agree. It makes me sad, we have always had a close, caring and respectful relationship.

I considered dementia. It's possible. I actually think it's down to a significant decline in her mental health, self esteem and confidence. But she wouldn't admit that or accept me suggesting it.

Is she anxious at all?

Yes so my DM became more critical and controlling towards everyone and was a bit unbearable for a while to be around

When you say “it's like she can't make decisions anymore” that could suggest it could be very very early signs of dementia. With some kinds of dementia it’s more logical reasoning, decision making and planning that goes, rather than the memory problems you’d associate with Alzheimer’s. I hope it’s not, but worth bearing in mind and seeing if there are ways you and your Dad can change how you communicate with her that might help.

for example if it’s harder for her to think through decisions, that may be that decisions are making her anxious, and her way of coping with that is to go on and on about it going over and over it. She may struggle to follow the reasoning if you or your Dad suggest something different. So one trick is to focus more on removing the anxiety, than arguing about the decision. It’s really hard though .

Good luck

My mum is similar, she's 78 and she has lost her resilience and her ability to cope with the unexpected, Covid absolutely did not help. My dad was in hospital this week and she has really struggled without him, I think she felt lonely and vulnerable but she used to be so independent. I used to think she would be the one who would cope better on her own than my dad but I don't think so now.

Thanks for the answers. Not just me then. I'm going to discuss it with my siblings. PP describes it better than me 'speaks with her thoughts and opinions' very true. Not all the time but most of it.