Should I go to see MIL

[Reeet33]

Don’t get along with mil. She’s controlling and I stopped contact apart from Christmas, weddings etc. kids and DH go every weekend to see her. Her friends daughter is visiting from America next week and she’s said she wants me to come and see her with kids next week (DH will be in work). Should I go or not? I hate spending time with her. She has OCD I believe with narcissist tendencies. She can’t help herself and will criticise everything from moment I get there. I have no idea who this person is whose visiting and I’m sure the couldn’t careless if I visit or not. It’s just MIL plan to make it look like we’re all close. On weddings and parties for example she literally snatched party bags from me and told host “we’re one family so no need to give her one as I have one”, it’s odd behaviour like that that annoys me. She also makes me feel my kids are hers and has told me many times she does a better job of looking after my kids than I ever will be capable of!

I would not go and can't believe she has asked you! You don't even know this person and assume your kids don't either? She's just trying to play happy families in front of this woman, it's not for you to put yourself out to enable this.
Hope you are able to say no and it not cause any issues with your DH. X

No.

Why are you even questioning it? Of course you don’t go, why on earth put yourself out for the daughter of a stranger for a woman you don’t need to be seeing? ‘Sorry we’re busy next week, see you at Christmas!’. Easy.

Don’t go. Apart from anything, it’s only her friend’s daughter, so not actually someone who is anything to do with you and presumably not someone who is actually bothered about meeting you and your kids?!

Another no. She sounds like a nightmare

also She gets in a huff when I brought a child a present for the birthday we all got invited to as she said it looks bad and only she should get presents as “we’re ONE family”. That doesn’t bother me as means I don’t have to get anyone present and save money but it’s embarrassing turning up to events empty handed if you know what I mean!

Definitely don’t go! I have a family member like this, she’s only doing it so the daughter returns home saying how close and lovely you all are. She’s just trying to show off to her friend.

I wouldn’t go, and have refused similar summons’ from my MIL. As to the present thing, just go with what you feel is right.

In my experience, we were only ONE family when it suited her, and she was stunningly unsupportive to me as a member of that family. So I guess that colours my answer to you too Op.

I know what will happen when I get there she will make me so nervous. She’s very controlling about her kitchen so if I offer to help she will give me a very iffy comeback like “what you will make it!” And laugh. I get so nervous even drinking tea there as she will look and tut! I feel like that lady in keeping up appearances who gets nervous and drops her tea cup infront of hyacinth! Also feel like a crap person sitting there infront of guests and not helping her dish out food etc. it’s very awkward.

I wouldn't go,tell her you're rearranging your fridge magnets.

😂

I wouldn’t go.

and in future I would always take whatever the hell I want in terms of hostess gifts etc to parties I’d been invited to along with MIL.

nobody looks bad turning up with gifts

"Sorry MIL, I already have plans and DH is working. You're welcome to collect the children and have them for the afternoon so they can see X"

MIL is somewhat like that and tends to summon us for command performances when her old friends visit. It turns into a comparing session. Afterwards there will endless discussion about X's daughter who has married a millionaire, X's son who has just bought a Tesla - cash, and X's grand daughter who is the first person ever to be awarded a quadruple first from Cambridge 😂
We now refuse point blank. Not getting into it. We are not her porcelain figurines to be brought out and displayed on the sideboard, then pushed to the back and left undusted for six months.
God that sounds bitter, but how I hated those visits.

You are still obeying her strange rules. Stop - you take a gift “no MIL, I’m married to your son and have children with him, we are one nuclear family, I’m giving a gift from our household, you can do what you want from yours.” “No MIL you don’t parent my kids better than I do, why are you lying to everyone?”

I would talk to DH though, is it good for the dcs to spend time with her? Is he correcting her each time? If he’s not and letting her put you down for an easy life then that’s not ok.

Nope, fuck that.

It’s a no from me. I definitely wouldn’t be up for spending precious time with this particular MIL.

I'd be very busy that day. There's a reason that you avoid her and you need to keep to that decision.
As others have said, this is all about the optics and what will be reported back by said friend who is visiting.

Is your MIL Indian as the whole we are 1 family is the traditional way for us.

Oh aye, I see, aye.