Is this normal?

[Rosie97]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months. He’s lovely and, before him, I’ve had my fair share of cheaters, liars and manipulators.

Before we were together, he went on a date with another girl whilst dating me. Problem was later on in the relationship he said I was the only one he’d dated that year. I found out via a friend and he’d lied about it.

Other than this, in our whole relationship, he’s given me no reason to doubt him. Because of my history I always assume the worst and I worry he’s cheating. OCD has been discussed with my GP, for example my compulsion would be to check his phone to confirm he’s not, and then I’d want to do it again later down the line.

However we’re 27 and he’s never on his phone around me. He says he values time with me and he chooses not to be on his phone. As soon as I leave the room he’s on it, and if I ask what he’s up to he’ll say BBC sport or a game.
If he shows me something on his phone, he’ll do it quite quickly and then just swipe the app up and lock his phone again. When I confronted him he said he didn’t realise he did this, and it’s his decision to decide he doesn’t want to be on his phone around me because he wants to enjoy my company.

He doesn’t post very much, rarely takes pictures of me and I just know I’ll never be in his profile picture (but his exes have).

is this normal?

Are you sure you're not over thinking it because to me it seems that way so far.

He likely doesn't have time if he is working but the fact he's leaving you messages or ringing you at lunch would suggest he's using the time he does have to communicate with you, because he wants to.

I get how it feels it's hard to trust and you are maybe second guessing everything, God I know because I've been duped for over a decade and it wasn't good relationship

However, in reality the relationship wasn't bad and it only became bad because my partner couldn't step outside her own issues and as a result she was abusive. Had she been able to move past her issues, seek help and trust that I was genuine it would have been fine. Over a decade, marriage and children I did everything I could to prove that and ultimately she sabotaged it at every turn until it was destroyed by things that did not exist.

Not everyone uses their phone or social media, I don't and I make a point of not being glued to my phone with someone I'm seeing. It's basic manners and they are more important to me. Likewise, if I'm working I will make time to speak to them or send messages but sometimes you just don't have enough time to do it consistently at work as you are working.

Please don't go through life living in the past, being unable to trust you need to trust people at some point. Don't do what my wife did and destroy hers and everyone's lives around her by living in the past and being unable to trust.

Talk to him and explain and he may open up. Communication is key.