Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird?

40 replies

HmmOk · 12/08/2023 07:21

I've been having counselling. Got email from counseller saying due to rewiring the building "we will meet on Zoom for our next appiontment".

AIBU and uptight in to think it should have been her asking me if I was ok to do the appointment virtually? I dunno? I've never done online counselling before.

Fully prepared to hear that I'm just behind the times now when everything is online!

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 12/08/2023 07:23

Is this weird ?

i would say bizarre…..and grabby

Fairyliz · 12/08/2023 07:24

Yes I would feel awkward and uncomfortable having a session via zoom, I hate it.
I would politely decline and ask to reschedule when work has finished.

KajsaKavat · 12/08/2023 07:27

It’s become so common, but I have always refused this. They can’t penalise you for that because online counselling is so very different to being in the same room as someone.

it’s not weird as such it’s just accepted after covid that online counselling is generally ok for people.

you can politely tell them how you feel.

Original poster
HmmOk · 12/08/2023 07:31

The thing is I think I'd be ok to actually try 1 appointment on zoom. After all I've never done it and maybe it's fine for me.

The bit that made me feel weird is the presumption that it's ok saying "we will" meet on zoom without running it by me.

I dunno I could be being princessy and nitpicky though.

OP posts:
littleboymama · 12/08/2023 07:41

I agree with you OP I had perinatal counselling in my pregnancy and if they couldn’t meet face to face that week they’d always email or text to ask if I was happy to have our appointment on zoom that week. They should know that some people do not like to video chat their private life and would much rather be face to face. To message that you will be rather than can you is not right in my own opinion. Yes, you may get comments saying it’s common these days and I agree it’s common but I still believe they should ask!

Angryappendix · 12/08/2023 07:48

The thing is, this is her only option for you this time and she didn’t want to cancel on you. It’s not rude or assumptive, it’s just the way it’s going to need to be.

You aren’t being forced to go, in fact you said you could give it a try so your choices are either cancel or go.

If you feel you can afford to miss the therapy and don’t want to go n Zoom then don’t go.

Original poster
HmmOk · 12/08/2023 07:49

Is it a red flag?

I had opened up the other day about a past controlling relationship and she was so reassuring and supportive at the time that it wasn't my fault.

Now I suppose I'm a little worried she thinks I'm a soft touch she can boss around.

OP posts:
Angryappendix · 12/08/2023 07:50

A red flag?

I mean this kindly but - it’s not that deep.

RaininSummer · 12/08/2023 07:52

She probably wasn't thinking it through to ask you how you felt about it. Zoom is a commonly used medium these days but I agree it would have been thoughtful and courteous to check with you.

Original poster
HmmOk · 12/08/2023 07:52

Yeah I get that I'm maybe oversensitive due to past shit. I'm wary. Hence posting to see if I am maybe overreacting.

OP posts:
KajsaKavat · 12/08/2023 07:53

HmmOk · 12/08/2023 07:49

Is it a red flag?

I had opened up the other day about a past controlling relationship and she was so reassuring and supportive at the time that it wasn't my fault.

Now I suppose I'm a little worried she thinks I'm a soft touch she can boss around.

You are overthinking. If it doesn’t work out with this therapist you need to find another one, you don’t have to stay with one if you feel it’s not ok for you.

but no, it’s not weird. Or a red flag.

mynameiscalypso · 12/08/2023 07:57

It would have been nice to have been asked but I've both sent and received similar messages to my therapist - I emailed the other week to say I was going to be in the office so we'd have to meet on Teams and not in person.

From talking to him (he runs a clinic with about 15 therapists too), the demand for in person hasn't recovered post-pandemic. He used to be in clinic in person 6 days a week, now he barely does one day a month.

For what it's worth, I hated online when we had to switch because of Covid but I very soon got used to it and now find it so much more convenient although I have to have face to face appointments every couple of months.

Original poster
HmmOk · 12/08/2023 07:59

Yeah I know I don't have to stay with any counseller. It's more the opposite problem that I feel I may be too quick to quit and run if I'm being oversensitive when really, it's a non issue.

Hence seeing what people think here and pleased to see most people don't think it is dodgy!

Trust can be hard.

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 12/08/2023 08:06

I totally get you. The number of times I've overreacted (particularly to an email from my therapist) and quit is quite impressive. Luckily, my therapist gets it and understands and we work through it. It's almost always me reading too much into a quick email that he's sent and not thought about too hard. We laugh about it now but I also accept that it's one of the reasons I'm in therapy.

GoodChat · 12/08/2023 08:10

I wouldn't like it.
I was given the option of online or in person, with the online option being available sooner.

I opted for in person as I didn't want to run the risk of other people being around/overhearing, moreso on their side than mine.

Zanatdy · 12/08/2023 08:12

Fairyliz · 12/08/2023 07:24

Yes I would feel awkward and uncomfortable having a session via zoom, I hate it.
I would politely decline and ask to reschedule when work has finished.

Yes she should have asked you if that’s ok. I’d go back and say you’d rather skip this week as you prefer face to face.

Zanatdy · 12/08/2023 08:12

Having read your updates, with respect, you’re over reacting

painochocolate · 12/08/2023 08:15

You're reading far too much into it.

Some people are used to switching between zoom and in person so frequently that they forget for others that it's a "big thing". That's all.

missmollygreen · 12/08/2023 08:55

You are really overthinking this

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 12/08/2023 09:01

Definitely over thinking. Moving meetings to an online forum when face to face isn't possible is totally normal. It's not a red flag. The therapist is doing her best to make sure you don't miss a session. Just give it a try. If you don't like it you don't have to do it again.

Bigflop · 12/08/2023 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TeaKitten · 12/08/2023 09:08

It’s not a red flag, you’ve opened up to her and made yourself vulnerable and you are worried she’s taking advantage because of your past experience. But she isn’t, you feel this way because of your issues. If you are happy to do the meeting on zoom just go for it.

FuckertyFuckFuckfuckery · 12/08/2023 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don't be such a bitch
@HmmOk has said they were in a controlling relationship and now she is being told how they will communicate, told not asked
@HmmOk it's OK to say no, you can control of what you feel

Bigflop · 12/08/2023 09:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ApolloandDaphne · 12/08/2023 09:22

I imagine she has compiled a generic e mail which she has sent to all her clients to let them know there can't be face to face and that she will need to use zoom. It's not something that needs any overthinking. Either do the session on zoom or say you would rather wait for face to face.