To think you DONT buy someone with an ED chocolate

[mbpitta]

I've NC as I know my friends are on here and this is outing

My DS is 15, he was sectioned for 3 months due to his poor mental health but the main reason (the reason something was done) was due to his eating disorder getting worse, he was dangerously underweight and he hadn't eaten for days. He came home 10 days ago and he seems to be doing better.

My sister has never been supportive, before it got worse and he was sectioned she made a comment about how he should want to be strong so he should be eating a lot more like teenagers do and that he was setting a bad example to his younger brother by not eating.

She went on holiday and came back today, and she bought both DCs a lot of chocolate back. DS seemed very uncomfortable and has since told me to let his brother have his but I am concerned incase she wants DS to eat some in front of her, I will speak to her but she hasn't listened in the past.

She lives with us but I am thinking of asking her to leave as she's already made unhelpful comments, I made DS a bowl of pasta which is his safe food for dinner as he didn't want what I made the rest of us and my sister made comments how we wouldn't get a choice on what we ate for dinner growing up and away from DS told me he'd eat when he wants to as he knows he'll have to go back to hospital if he doesn't, but I'm just glad he's eating. She also have made DS worry as we are due to go on holiday at the end of this month and she's told him he can't plan his meals ahead when eating out as some places don't have menus online and DS is now saying he doesn't want to go

AIBU in thinking you don't give chocolate to someone who's just came out of hospital for an eating disorder and AIBU in thinking of asking her to leave?

Of course you don’t. I had an ED and would have not been able to eat chocolate in front of someone for show. So many people have no clue about EDs

It's not just about the chocolate, it's all of it. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Tell her to shut the fuck up and leave. Is she completely clueless?

No you don't. But if she doesn't understand then she might have thought it would help. Or at least didn't want to treat him any differently from his brother.
However YANBU to consider putting your son first and asking her to leave.
You do what you have to.

She seems to be deliberately triggering him when he is suffering so much? I would ask her to leave because she does not seem to be a safe person, which is what he needs right now. Can you trust her not to make comments when you're not there?

She needs to be told to zip it in no uncertain terms. If she makes one more comment about his eating she has to go. Have you tackled her over these comments?

Your DS must take priority. She needs to fuck off out of the house. She's insensitive and unhelpful in a delicate situation.
I hope things continue to improve with your DS

I would be packing her bag for her. And definitely not going on holiday with her.

Your son is recovering. He needs a safe space with people around him who love him

She can get to fuck.

Is she always this horrible

Every time she mentions food she is triggering him. Your poor DS I really feel for him. He is trying to tell you how she makes him feel.

She needs to go. Before she does any damage.

I don't think she is a safe person to be around him so much. He just fell anxious constantly is she's in the house. Ask her to go. Help her leave, but she must not be around him anymore.

Sorry. "He must feel anxious constantly if she's in the house."

YANBU to ask her to leave, and I think this is what I would do. But I also imagine she thinks she is being helpful.

She is actively harming your DS by undermining his recovery, and jeopardising his mental health. Please, please prioritise your son. She needs to go. Eating disorders are so difficult to recover from, a fuckwit sabotaging that recovery is appalling.

I have been where you are (with my DD when she was 16). Your sister is clueless and actually presents a risk to your DS’s health. I would be telling her to leave and limiting contact with her until he is much better.

I hope your DS is getting decent support. I wish you well. To give you a view from the other side; DD is 22 now, just about to graduate and doing really well. It’s a dreadful illness, but there are positive stories. All good wishes to you both.

Wowsers. Wonder why she feels the need to help raise your kids. What’s her stake in getting involved with such a serious matter? Is she pretty dense generally or is it just around eating disorders?

The chocolate holiday gift thing might just be thoughtlessness (being very charitable indeed) but the rest of your son’s diet is a definite opportunity for her to practice minding her own business, not her kids, not her decisions. I’d be telling her she needs to back off or she won’t be able to socialise with your kids (any of them). Depends whether it’s more important to her to speak her mind or be around her family; her choice, entirely, if she can’t keep her thoughts to herself that’s not of your or your son’s creation. Really don’t see the need.

It's not just the chocolate but her comments. She is clueless and dangerous to your son. It seems you have tried to tell her but she won't hear. You need to look after your DS and remove her from his life, for now

Yeah if it was just the chocolate I'd say it was thoughtless.

I hate to point out that there is alot more you could be doing. If this happened in my house it would happen once. Your child is living in fear about returning to the hospital and your sister is tormenting him. Imagine when it's just her and him. What does she say? She needs to go. You also need to cancel the holiday.

She is being very unkind. I have an ED and husband and 2 kids and often need to eat safe foods that they aren’t having for dinner.

Chocolate wouldn’t be a good gift for me as I just won’t it at all. A lot of her comments are just vile.

she sounds very uncaring!

She sounds very unhelpful, unsympathetic and unempathic. A nightmare for a child to live with. (??)
Do you think his mindset might improve if she moved out? Don't EDs often stem from a feeling of lacking control..? I don't mean she has caused it but she certainly can't be helping matters.

Why does she live with you and why does she think it means she gets to tell your son what he should or shouldn’t be eating/doing? And why have you been putting up this instead of telling her that your son’s meals are none of her fucking business because she is not his mother? She sounds like an overbearing, nosy bully.

My DD has an ED and can hardly eat anything in front of others and definitely does not eat chocolate at the moment.

Tell her to back right off, she has no clue.

I could see if it was a different type of ED, people might give chocolate out of ignorance not understanding binge triggers (BED sufferer here who was always given chocs or told "go on, you can have just one!" No, I would not only eat the whole box alone in one sitting i would buy three more and do the same with them l)) but with anorexia surely they can see there is a fear of food associated with it ?

sounds like they don't believe in the anorexia at all . They sound toxic to your child's recovery.

Your poor son, having to put up with this vile cow 's nonsense.

Why does she live with you? Yes, I’d want her to leave, she could really impact your sons recovery. None of you need any extra stress.

Well all EDs are very different so it really depends on your ds, so I wouldnt say as a generalised comment that no one with an EDshould be bought chocolate - however your dsis sounds like a complete liability and Id be moving her out asap. Your ds will be more affected by her presence overall than by a present of chocolate. Could you swap his present for something he would actually enjoy at the moment but a similar value