Birthday fail

[Anonymouslyposting]

I am fuming and need to be talked down.

It is my birthday. I was woken this morning at 5:40 by the baby, as always. I am co sleeping while “D”H sleeps in the spare room. Checked my emails to find one from the builders saying the project we are having done (which should be finishing next week) is going to take another 6 weeks.

I had told my husband I didn’t want a present from him (I don’t like him spending money on something I probably don’t need or want) but that I’d like something sentimental, possibly involving photos, from the kids. On the kids’ behalf he has got me a flimsy honey twirl and an oil diffuser of the kind I would have bought for £5 when going through my witchy/goth phase at age 15. I haven’t eaten honey except on holiday in Greece in the 14 years we’ve known each other. He had clearly just gone to the nearest shop to his work (he later told me this was what he had done) and picked up a couple of things that he thought he’d get away with, zero thought at all.

It’s not about the money, he earns nearly £200k so has plenty to buy something nice but honestly I’d have been happy enough if he’d just got my three year old to draw me a card. I wanted something that I could keep and would remind me of the kids being so little.

I told him I wasn’t very impressed.

Despite him working from home I didn’t even get a cup of tea in the morning. He did go out and get me a cake at lunchtime which was nice.

My birthday dinner was a takeaway that I ordered and paid for myself, set and cleared the table and shepherded my three year old through. Husband turned up late.

We are not in a great place relationship wise, nothing earth shattering just living separate lives while he’s working and I’m on maternity leave. It would just have been nice to have a bit of fuss made today.

We had made our peace and moved on and then husband sat down to watch TV, looked sulkily at me and then told me I’ve been really horrible to him by telling him I didn’t like the gifts.

I feel like throwing something at him.

@AdaColeman you've missed off the second half of that sentence.

" I had told my husband I didn’t want a present from him (I don’t like him spending money on something I probably don’t need or want) but that I’d like something sentimental, possibly involving photos, from the kids"

She told him what she wanted. Like, properly spelled it out.

Oh Ada, you appear to have missed the last part of OPs sentence off your quote.

Here you go,

.....but that I’d like something sentimental, possibly involving photos, from the kids.’

He didn’t do that for OP. She didn’t bring it on herself as she clearly asked for a very reasonable gift from a husband that she shares children with.

You told him not to get you anything. what do you expect.

what did you want? A nice meal out with him? Some time by yourself.

i think you’re being very unreasonable.

I agree. Lots of people (ok, men) will take 'oh don't get me anything' as an excuse to do fuck all. Don't downplay your birthday as if you don't mind if it doesn't matter. Make sure everyone knows that you expect some effort and recognition. That way they can't worm out of it and blame you.

Can people not read? What did she want? It’s literally there in the OP.

That his sentimental gift was a honey twizzler makes him a lazy git. No, he doesn't get to feel bad that you told him so. He knew better, he just cba doing better.

Yes absolutely nailed it.

When my DC were small I wanted one of those pottery hand/footprint things. Every single birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day when my DH asked me what I wanted that's what I told him. I wanted a nice keepsake of those gorgeous chubby little fingers. Every time I got crap presents. He couldn't be arsed to take them to the pottery place, too much like hard work.

They grew up, I stopped asking, and eventually one year I opened the gift that I had asked for over and over again. My DC were SIX and FOUR years old. Their fingers were not small and cute. I actually hate the picture. Every time I see it I get cross and sad at how little he cares. He knew what I wanted and he just didn't care enough to inconvenience himself until the kids grew up and it got easier.

Although at least he knew he was shit and would never have tried to gaslight me for being disappointed.

Happy birthday OP, I hope your weekend improves

This OP! 👆

Ask him why bother working hard but not treating his dw on her birthday..

^ this

Exactly.

When I said similar to DH I got a little photo book with DD and me from birth to my birthday. Drag and drop for maybe 15 minutes of his work but I LOVED it.

Tea in bed, take the baby for an hour, order nice food. Or, since he's minted, throw money at it!

"To be fair to him he does work long hours and we are very much in the thick of young children so are both exhausted so romance isn’t top of either of our lists at the moment."

You say you have money. Use it to improve your relationship. Outsource jobs so you can carve out more time to spend with each other.