If children are close to someone dangerous that doesn't actually hurt them, can that affect them?

[Tidyingthemess]

I feel weird about this and not sure how else to put it. I have always had a strange anxiety around a childhood memory of a sensation in my body that sometimes still comes back. It is essentially a sense of fear and dread, that is somehow vaguely sexual. I hate when it happens, obviously. Dismissed it as just being a weird thing with no obvious explanation.

I've recently learned that a family friend from many years ago abused his daughter who was my age. For years since I was born this man would visit our house with presents for me a few times a year, always paid me a lot of attention which I thought was because I didn't have a dad. I found him a bit full on, I think because I didn't know what to make of a man paying me any sort of attention, but was not consciously scared of him at all. I'm sure nothing ever happened to me because I'm pretty sure I was never alone with him.

I wonder now if that particular anxiety was something in me picking up on the fact that he wasn't really a safe person to be around as a child?

Can children pick up on cues that they don't understand at the time? Sort of like how as adults we can get the creeps if we see some man is perving on us, but as adults we know exactly what is going on there?

I'm realising as I think about this now that he stopped visiting when I became a teenager. I guess that's probably just coincidence though.

Yes, children do pick on things that adults either don’t notice or in some cases ignore because it’s easier than facing the truth.

He probably did do something that was outside of Norma boundaries even if you weren’t aware of what that could mean. Maybe hugged you a fraction too long or sat too close? You can’t remember specifics because you were so young but can remember the sense of unease.

Maybe. I’m sorry this happened.

I’d say you did pick up on it. We have a sixth sense for a reason.

Yes absolutely kids can sometimes sense these things. That's why we have to take it seriously when a kid says "I don't want to see uncle X" or whatever.

However sadly some kids don't sense it and we shouldn't expect them to have to, to keep themselves safe. It's adults' job to do that.

Op I have exactly the same kind of thing but it relates to a memory I have of a babysitter I was left with when very young( who was a 15 year old boy). I have no memory of him abusing us but I have a very clear memory of him coming into our room when it was dark. It happened at my grandparents house and I always hated that house for no apparent reason. I have often wondered about it but also conscious that it’s possible to create a scenario in my head as an adult. I feel really creepy about the whole thing. He did used to torment me in other ways whilst not babysitting so it could be a feeling of dread related to that. My younger brother was present and has suffered severe MH condition but there was also quite a lot of trauma in our childhoods so it doesn’t mean much. I would say you either picked up on something or he did something to you. Even a ‘sitting on my knee ‘ type situation that you realised wasn’t quite right if you’re certain you weren’t left alone with him.

I'm not saying this necessarily happened to you, but I have childhood trauma that my mind has blanked out, I think for self-preservation purposes. I simply can't access those memories (my sister can). I wonder if therapy could help you.

I have a trauma from when I was about 6. I’ve often wondered if I dreamed it or made it up, but I still remember it clearly, so it must have happened.

Is it possible that he did something so long ago that you don't remember it - possibly something not massively traumatic in itself but clearly on a pathway to something worse e.g. putting a hand on your thigh, something that your 3- or 4yo self wouldn't have understood as dangerous, and another adult saw. If something like that happened the grownups around you might well have made sure you were never alone with him again, but might not have stopped him from being around (pre Jimmy Saville it was more "normal" for adults to just make sure their own kids were safe from such men, rather than "outing" them). That might have triggered a sense of unease without you ever really knowing why.

Yes absolutely I used to really dislike an uncle my mum’s brother in law. He was overly sweet, asking me to sit on his knee etc. turns out he was shagging their young lodger, beating up my aunt a whole of load of other stuff. Very very abusive I don’t want to go into too much detail. But I always really disliked him growing up.

God, shitty men cause so much pain and confusion. I am so sorry for posters who have had similar worrying and unpleasant situations, and also those of you who know something bad happened you. It's shit.