DIY when you could pay someone instead?

[RoyKentsTieDyeTop]

DH and I fundamentally disagree on this. We’re both off work this week to get shit done round the house. Shit has been down, mostly, hurrah.

But some of it omg. We had a new sofa delivered. We could have paid £30 to have the old one taken away. We could have paid £30 to have the council collect it from outside. But no. DH has spent most of today with a hacksaw and hammer making it small enough to fit in the back of the car to take to the tip on Monday. For the sake of £30.

I know it’s not worth arguing. We’ve been married for a very long time. And fair to him, he hasn’t demanded I help (because I’d just pay someone given the choice).

But I don’t get it. He’ll happily spend £30 on books or gifts or food or fun. But this is the hill he will die on. I tend to think my time is more valuable, maybe?

Who is being unreasonable?

For context I will happily paint walls or do gardening (up to a point) but I would always pay for a carpet fitter or wallpaperer, this is fine. It’s heavy lifting and rubbish clearance we seem to disagree on most. I dream of a skip for the garage for eg; DH would rather chip into it with random infrequent trips to the dump.

Neither are being unreasonable

If you want to spend YOUR £30 on paying for the sofa to be taken away thats fine. If he wants the save HIS £30 by doing it himself so he can spend that £30 of something else then thats also fine.

If he is saving money I dont see why you have a problem really?

I would find it interesting to know is whether or not he would still choose to do the same if he was getting rid of a sofa tomorrow?

I would pay for the sofa to be taken away and disposed of even though my teen son would probably enjoy destroying the sofa with some power tools.

There other things I would have preferred us to do today. The garden still needs attention; the front door needs painting. Instead I’m shut in the back room with the dogs while he attacks the sofa in the front room (dogs would go mad to get in with him if alone).

I see it as a waste of our time, he sees it as saving our money. Both legit I think, but I want to get my own way 🤣

Does he get enjoyment and satisfaction out of this sort of stuff? Did his parents or more likely, his dad, do this sort of thing?

DP is the same. When we got a new washing machine, I ordered it and stupidly said 'it's £20 to take the old one away or we can take it to the tip' and he chose to take it to the tip. He is strong enough to lift a washing machine into a car, but still.

He's the same with his car and often spends hours outside in the cold. I've said to take it to the garage but he says he wants to put into practice what he learned while watching his dad and uncle fix their cars (they did it because they couldn't afford to run cars that didn't break, or take them to the garage when they did). So I leave him to it.

To be honest, we do most things ourselves, however cheap, and yes, we'd probably saw the sofa rather than have someone collect it. Not because of the money, but the sheer stress, anxiety, pain in the arse, of getting someone else to do things. Invariably they don't turn up, or turn up on the wrong day/wrong time. Getting anything done these days is a nightmare as people are so flaky and unreliable.

We're kitting out our son's new flat in a different city and had been looking for some decent furniture in second hand shops. Before we went over, we googled what shops there were, locations etc., and liked the look of the BHF charity shop, but were a bit put off by some bad internet reviews, re unreliable deliveries. When we went over, we went to the shop and there were a few things we liked. But you could overhear a heated phone call about a missed delivery and whilst we were looking around someone else came in and started complaining about a missed collection. Afterwards, the staff just started laughing. Sadly that's just typical of "customer service" these days.

So, no, regardless of cost, we do as much as we can ourselves so we're not waiting in for people who only turn up when they feel like it!

To me, time is more valuable and if there is a problem that can be solved by throwing money at it (within reason), then yes, that's what I'll do.

Small DIY jobs, like touching up paintwork or putting a new washer on a tap? No problem. Larger, more complex jobs that would be done better and in a shorter space of time by an expert? Also a no-brainer.

I wouldn't get a pilot to fit a bathroom and I wouldn't ask a plumber to fly a plane. I, being neither a pilot or a plumber, would do neither.

DH and I have this kind of dynamic a bit. I'm a 'let's chuck some money at it' kind of person and he's a 'I'm going to try do it myself first' kind of person. I've come to realise he actually gets a kind of pleasure or satisfaction out of doing it, though. If it's something new to him, he likes acquiring a new skill. He does know his limits - he won't do anything electrical bar changing plugs - but he does generally like to do most stuff himself v paying for it.

When it's something I know that'll be annoying and involve me in some way (like wrestling a washing machine into a car) then I just order whatever it is and add the price of collection/disposal on and just tell him it's being collected without going into detail and he won't question it. But if I asked him outright 'Should we pay X to get it removed' he'd probably want to try to do it himself!

Tricky one, this. I think I'd have to say that neither of you are really BU as it really comes down to personal preference and what each person feels their time is worth or what is a good use of £30.

I think perhaps your DH is happy to spend £30 on fun things because they are just that - fun. In his head, £30 spent on getting a sofa taken away is £30 less to spend on something enjoyable, so if he can do it himself, he will.

Whereas your DH would rather save his money, you would rather save your time - so for you, two hours spent dismantling a sofa are two hours less that you could spend doing something you like, so you're happy to spend £30 to get that time back.

Neither of you is right or wrong, you just have different perspectives.

DP and I regularly have a similar disagreement re. taxis. He would rather pay £4 to get two buses on a boiling hot day with heavy bags and a 20 minute walk at the end than pay £30 for a taxi, whereas I think the time and discomfort saved would make a taxi well worth paying for. And yet he will happily pay £30 for a single course in a restaurant.

I have to tactfully tell my (non resident) partner that I'd rather pay a professional. He's pretty handy and can do the usual sort of putting up shelves etc very well but he thinks he can do anything and in his own house is happy with a slightly haphazard finish on tiling for instance which I'm just not. I want it done really well and I'd sooner pay.

I'm def in the camp of getting someone else to do it but to be fair we do waste money fairly often so I'm probably not the best person to ask. I'd rather have my time to do other things.

It is exactly the same at our house. My husband resents paying for anything he could do himself, even it would save us hours of our time/effort. And we can afford it so it's not a budget thing.

Last time we got a new fridge freezer he didn't agree with paying the money to get the old one taken away or for the delivery people to switch the door to open the other side. We are both awful at DIY (lack of talent/patience 😂) and it took him three hours to switch the door. Complete with a lot of swearing. And then we had to take the old one to the tip. I've told him that next time we're paying someone to do it and I don't care what he says.

He is the same about getting taxis anywhere but getting better with that one.

@RoyKentsTieDyeTop

Biggest issue will be when he takes the sofa to the 'recycling' centre and they refused it.

Ours says the furniture should kept whole due to potential issues with POPs.

I'd check your local website before he has a wasted journey.

Oh god. Oh no. I would cry.

I get making things yourself, my dad was proud of all the bookshelves he made in the house when I was young.

I don't get something like disposal, unless you want to deny the local authority every penny you can.

Have you stolen my DH because mine is the same.

The one thing he is not allowed to do at all is anything on in the roof.

We have on occasion broken down a sofa or bed and taken it to the recycling centre. 1. Because we pay for the recycling centre through our prop tax so we are going to use it.

1. We have been stung a couple of times by collection companies who have taken our money and then fly tipped the items . So would rather save the money and go to the tip.

We do most, but will pay someone to do something if needed.

There is way more to DIY than just saving money. So much more that I don't think someone who is not into it can really understand. Technology is so much a part our lives now that we can just get someone else to do our "work" for us at the push of a button. Many of us have jobs that require us to be specialist at "such and such skill set." I doubt that anybody out there questions why anybody would want to cook their own meals. It's not to only to save money, it's because there are things we want to accomplish for ourselves. There is only one way to learn how to some things and that by rolling up your sleabes and getting your hands dirty. This is how men get in touch with the part we love men for The Masculine. If you don't get it maybe you never will. We don't ask anyone to get it, just except it.

They are married, it’s THEIR £30

Not sure where you're located as you say prop tax. But in the UK, you may 'pay' for the recycling centre but their rules on what they'll accept.

it's not like I've made it up about Persistent Organic Pollutants New rules came in January 2023.

Property tax I am in UK in my area we call it Prop tax. We always check with our recycling centre what we can take when we book our slot never been a problem and ours has a re-use shop .

That's why I suggested OP checks before her OH sets off.

Ours also ha s an area where ere-useable items can be bought.

But the POPs issue is a Council directive.

Bad enough they charge for soil, rubble etc. Just encourages fly-tipping.

We check what we can take but most of the time I try to find homes for stuff around our area for anyone in need. I really don't have the time to be worrying about council directives .

My motto is I like to spend money but I hate to waste money . I have been called stingy and a spendthrift by the exact same people. I would rather spend £2 on getting the bus home than £12 on a taxi, but I will then spend that saved £10 on something that brings me a bit of joy .
I would be the same if I was wealthy - it's my mindset.

My hubby does alot of DIY. One sofa he stripped down had really decent wood in the frame so he made a large wooden planter for my vegetable garden . It's beautiful and would have been quite expensive to buy . So I'm pleased he didn't pay to get rid of it 🙂.