I’ve been with my partner about 18 months. I knew he didn’t drive when we got together which I didn’t feel would be an issue (it is unfortunately) especially as he’s always said he will learn to drive and has wanted to just never got on with it. He already had a provisional licence. He passed his theory test a few months ago.
It started me going to him at his or meeting in town and he would get the train/bus. Then after a few months me picking him up to bring him to mine and he met my children. He eventually started staying overnight and I would pick him up then drop him home. I know I know I’ve made a rod for my own back.
I stopped picking him up as I was sick of carting my kids to his in rush hour and back when they should be having their tea so he started getting the bus to mine and I get him from the bus stop. I then take him home the next night or after a couple of nights depending on his work schedule.
I’ve increased my work hours and days and want to stop taking him home Sunday night as I always find it stressful when I need to be sorting the house, washing all done, checking kids have everything for school, sorting my stuff for work, shower etc and just relax! We need to have this conversation but I’m putting it off as I’m the worst if I feel it will be awkward or a confrontation due to past DV.
But should I be taking him home if he’s got the bus to mine? Is that more than fair?
For context I’m a single parent, kids don’t see their dad since he walked out! I’ve no support or help. One has complex SN & is disabled. I rely on my eldest DD being in to babysit so I can take him home. I’m very rural, no buses where I live so I would still have to take him to a bus stop but that’s only 10 mins away vs a 45 min drive just 1 way to his house. He comes to mine due to my kids so I don’t really go to his. He’s been saying for 18 months he’s going to drive and still isn’t! Annoys me he gets to go home and only has himself to sort and I’m losing 90 mins of my evening when I’ve got myself and 3 kids. Then I come back and I’m rushing to get everything sorted for the work/school week ahead.
He’s great mostly when here btw any odd jobs, cooking, helping with kids although he does sometimes need a push in this direction! He only comes every other week max due to him having his kids the other. I don’t often see his kids (something I would like to change but he has to be the one driving) as it has to be me going to them all the time and having a child with SN & disabilities who can’t do what they like to do, like play at the park, it’s not much fun! It makes it more work for me.
He’s never paid petrol or offered even if I have to fuel up on the way to his. Never contributes to any food etc while at mine. But he’s only here maybe 4 nights a month max. Sometimes maybe a day or two more if he has holidays or bank holiday and he’s not got his kids.