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moondust11 · 2023-08-10T20:12:52+00:00

Found out my Bf of 1 year was masturbating on a free sex cam app. I am heartbroken and have ended things but I still love him 😭 Is there anyway back once the trust is gone? We was split for a week and he does this during the split then when we got back together it wasn't mentioned we've been no contact today and I'm missing him so much. I have my self respect but how do I move on from this which ever way it goes. 😭

Dolores87 · 10/08/2023 21:23

Did he do this when you were split up or when you were together? Your post reads like you were split up when he did it. Tbh if he only did this when you were split up I am confused about what the problem is. If he did it while you were together and thats cheating to you then tbh just cut him off. Time will heal things as cliche as that is and as painful as it is now.

Original poster

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 21:24

We was split but only for a few days week at most he said he felt lonely so done this .. then we got back together and I found screenshots of when he was talking to these women on his iPad 🤢

OP posts:

Dolores87 · 10/08/2023 21:29

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 21:24

We was split but only for a few days week at most he said he felt lonely so done this .. then we got back together and I found screenshots of when he was talking to these women on his iPad 🤢

To be completely honest with you, as long as he only did this when you were split up and has not done it at any other time and he understands this is a boundary and cheating if you were together and therefore wouldn't do it if you were together, I don't think he has done anything wrong. You were not together.

I mean i understand being upset. I would be upset just out of insecurity i think but I am not sure I understand breaking up with someone because they had a sexual encounter with someone else when you were not together.

Original poster

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 21:34

I think I am more upset because I was heartbroken during our week split and he was w*nking on cam with randoms in America 🤦🏻‍♀️

Then still had the screenshots when we had gotten back together, it's only my 2nd serious relationship and I never know if I am over reacting?

OP posts:

Original poster

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 21:42

Anyone else?

OP posts:

Dolores87 · 10/08/2023 21:43

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 21:34

I think I am more upset because I was heartbroken during our week split and he was w*nking on cam with randoms in America 🤦🏻‍♀️

Then still had the screenshots when we had gotten back together, it's only my 2nd serious relationship and I never know if I am over reacting?

I understand why you are upset. I would be upset by that too. It would play on my mind alot and make me feel sad and insecure.

I think what i mean is, is that if this is the only thing he has done wrong, I dont think this would be a deal breaker, as he hasn't broken your trust because you were separated at the time. He may too have been very upset by your split and dealt with that with sex and other people.

What was his reasons for having the images still?

I guess what I am saying is is if you want to be with him and this is the only thing hes done wrong maybe you dont need to call it a day as hes not really dont anything wrong. Unless there are other reasons and this is a nail in the coffin in which case i promise that given time itll hurt less.

What were the reasons you broke up for that week?

Original poster

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 21:49

He said he thought he had deleted them 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't know if I believe him but that's what he's sticking with.
We split over a silly argument and both said things we shouldn't of I really love him an am trying to rationalise in my head but my close friends are saying no he's cheated but has he if we was not together and that he will do it again if we try again my heads a mess 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ x

OP posts:

Dolores87 · 10/08/2023 22:19

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 21:49

He said he thought he had deleted them 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't know if I believe him but that's what he's sticking with.
We split over a silly argument and both said things we shouldn't of I really love him an am trying to rationalise in my head but my close friends are saying no he's cheated but has he if we was not together and that he will do it again if we try again my heads a mess 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ x

He hasn't cheated no. You were not together. I think his reasons for having the photos are plausible. Personally i think if you love him, and this is honestly all he's done wrong and your break up before was about something silly, i wouldn't break up about this, although i would tell him that it had hurt me as i think your hurt is valid.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 10/08/2023 22:33

Grow up.

Move on.

Original poster

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 22:43

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 10/08/2023 22:33

Grow up.

Move on.

If only it was as simple as that!

OP posts:

Hawkins009 · 10/08/2023 22:44

I can understand your perspectives op, only you know what you want truly, all the best and positivity.

10HailMarys · 10/08/2023 23:03

OP, you’ve only been together a year and you’ve already split up once over “a silly argument” and now you’ve found out he wanks over sex workers. This is not a healthy or mature relationship in any way, and you are also mad to believe he wasn’t also using cam girls during your relationship. Don’t be such a mug.

i don’t know how old you both are but you sound like a pair of kids.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/08/2023 23:15

This sounds a bit like the 'we were on a break' in friends. I shared my view on something similar on a thread called 'he's robbed me of a third child' which you might find relevant but most posters there got very livid with me!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/08/2023 23:16

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 10/08/2023 22:33

Grow up.

Move on.

This is really unkind way to speak to someone who is heartbroken and asking for support

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/08/2023 23:19

moondust11 · 10/08/2023 21:49

He said he thought he had deleted them 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't know if I believe him but that's what he's sticking with.
We split over a silly argument and both said things we shouldn't of I really love him an am trying to rationalise in my head but my close friends are saying no he's cheated but has he if we was not together and that he will do it again if we try again my heads a mess 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ x

You need to set extremely clear boundaries if you are getting back together. Ask that anything sexual that either of you have on your phones from past or this break is deleted.

Don't think 'if he really loved me he would be so sad he wouldn't look at other when when we were broken up' men can often be much weaker and seek sexual distraction from their feelings as rebounds, without any emotion,

crazeekat · 11/08/2023 10:48

hun move on, keep away from him. he did this cos he was lonely? after a week max?
nonsense.
have more respect for yourself. you will meet a much nicer guy who doesn't feel the need to send vids to strangers when he is 'on a break'. he is a creep. do better.