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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my dad and DH are taking the piss?

24 replies

TryAgainAnotherDay · 10/08/2023 18:26

Had to move back in with dad temporarily. Very grateful he has offered us a roof over out head.

Having to do a long commute to work ATM picking DD almost 4 up from nursery on way back from work.

I'm leaving the house at 6, getting home for half 6, DH is off work

When I get back, I'm having to tidy up after DH and dad, make tea for me and DD and then make DD lunch box for next day and getting DD settled to bed.

Yesterday got home, house a mess and DH and dad where watching football

AIBU thinking they are taking the piss or should I be grateful dad's offered us a home and be more understanding DH is really out of his comfort zone and doesn't want to go cooking and cleaning in a house he is a guest in??

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 10/08/2023 18:27

DH is really out of his comfort zone and doesn't want to go cooking and cleaning in a house he is a guest in

Sorry, but that is absolute bollocks. They are really taking the piss. Is there anywhere else you and your DC can go to once you've got home from work?

Marwoodsbigbreak · 10/08/2023 18:29

Why is DH off work? Do you mean he’s taking holiday? Why can’t he collect DD from nursery?

Original poster
TryAgainAnotherDay · 10/08/2023 18:32

Yes he is taking holiday

OP posts:
category12 · 10/08/2023 18:32

DH is taking the piss.

He's not "a guest" - your family unit is living with your father.

He should at bare minimum be looking after your dd to let you have a break when you get home.

Original poster
TryAgainAnotherDay · 10/08/2023 18:33

DD's childcare is near my work which was near my old home.

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 10/08/2023 18:33

Sorry you are a guest as well, and obvs expected to do the work. You need a quiet word with DH. He needs to step up

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/08/2023 18:34

Your DH is the one taking the absolute piss the most. Your Dad couldn’t really be expected to be the one to cook for your Dd and put her to bed except as a kindness to you and DH, but your DH is being an absolute CF.

Pallisers · 10/08/2023 18:37

I'm having to tidy up after DH and dad, make tea for me and DD and then make DD lunch box for next day and getting DD settled to bed.

There is no reason your dh can't do all - or at least some - of this. He could have tea ready for you, tidy up after himself and your dad, and make the lunchbox - how long would that take him away from the football? An hour? Meanwhile you have a 12 hour day out of the office and are left doing it.

Your dad isn't part of this but your dh is definitely taking the piss. Tell him what you expect him to do. Being a guest has nothing to do with making tea for his wife and child and putting his child to bed or even cleaning up after himself.

cheddercherry · 10/08/2023 18:41

Yeah is agree with the above your dad not so much, it’s his house if he wants to live in his mess that’s his prerogative.

Your DH doesn’t have a leg to stand on, he should at the bare minimum be doing your daughters lunch box etc and prepping dinner for when you guys get in? Surely that makes it easier for everyone. Did he do any of the bedtime routine before you moved in?

Original poster
TryAgainAnotherDay · 10/08/2023 18:47

cheddercherry · 10/08/2023 18:41

Yeah is agree with the above your dad not so much, it’s his house if he wants to live in his mess that’s his prerogative.

Your DH doesn’t have a leg to stand on, he should at the bare minimum be doing your daughters lunch box etc and prepping dinner for when you guys get in? Surely that makes it easier for everyone. Did he do any of the bedtime routine before you moved in?

Not sure much bed time, I've always done that, but we used to take it in turns to cook, and do the lunchbox. Where we where living he was home by 3 and I was home by 5 so just took turns with everything.

OP posts:
thaegumathteth · 10/08/2023 18:49

Obviously your dh is being unreasonable. As are you by putting up with it

SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2023 18:59

TryAgainAnotherDay · 10/08/2023 18:32

Yes he is taking holiday

Why is your kid in nursery??

JudgeRudy · 10/08/2023 19:31

There's a few unknowns here. For instance, let's say your dad is living an old style single mans life...so a few dirty cups on the side, frying pan on the hob ready for next time etc. You might view it as having to tidy up after him, he might feel it's fine, just leave it. If you want the home to a higher standard than his, that's on you. He's having his life disrupted and he's really doing you a favour!
Unsure about the rest. If your OH has taken a days AL specifically to spend time with your dad watching the football I wouldn't necessarily expect him to jump up to make dinner or put daughter to bed in the middle of a game. I would however expect him to make his own lunch...always!
Once he's back at work I'd expect you to divide the labour pretty much as you would before ideally 50/50. If he's uncomfortable say going round with the hoover he can do dinner and wash up. I think your dad should get a dinner out of this arrangement. I don't think you should be questioning your dad's 'cleaning/tidying routine'. I do think you and your OH should be sharing better but if this is just today I'd not get too worked up.

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2023 19:34

What’s the mess? Did DH help make it? If so he can offer to clear up.

Pinkdelight3 · 10/08/2023 20:17

DH is taking the piss, your dad is not. DH is not a 'guest' - he's not there to be hosted and served. Your dad is doing you both a favour so it's not for your DH to do nothing. He should be helping with the cooking, cleaning, childcare etc. and if you let him off without making him muck in, that's your own look-out. Your dad on the other hand is in his own house and can have it as messy as he chooses. If you and DH want it to your own standards, you have to sort that.

fullbloom87 · 10/08/2023 20:18

What useless pathetic waste of space your 'husband' is.

Clymene · 10/08/2023 20:19

Ah I see you have the magic cooking and cleaning vagina.

I'd just totally ignore them. Look after your daughter (and why is she in nursery when he's sitting in his arse?) and make dinner for yourself.

Original poster
TryAgainAnotherDay · 10/08/2023 20:21

It was my choice to keep her in nursery. With the move wanted to keep some stability for her.

OP posts:
Wakeywake · 10/08/2023 20:23

It's your dad's house, if he wants to live in a pigsty, that's his right. Your DH has no excuse.

Olika · 10/08/2023 20:51

Have a chat with your DH. He is taking the piss.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/08/2023 20:59

Your DH is the problem, have a word with him.

caringcarer · 10/08/2023 21:04

Your Dad isn't but your DH is definitely lazy and expects you to do the bloody lot. You are all guests in your Dad's home. Give him a kick up the bum.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 10/08/2023 21:23

Your dad isn’t taking the piss, your DH absolutely is.

He should be the one cooking and cleaning if he’s off work.

I can’t believe you’re doing a full days work and then coming home to tidy when he’s been doing nothing all day!

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 16/08/2023 23:59

I’ve said YABU - for even considering their laziness and lack of consideration acceptable.

YANBU for thinking they are taking the piss though

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