Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think H is trying to belittle me on holiday

43 replies

sadinthesun · 10/08/2023 12:31

AIBU to be upset with this the next day, although it is setting a bit of an atmosphere.

Or should I have just got over it?

Last night our teen son was being moody and a boy quiet. He has split up with his girlfriend and is obviously a bit moody at times. Then my h decided to be moody too.

When my son went back to the room, my h decided to call him a "moody prick" to me and I said do not call out son names like that. He told me to @fuck off back to the room, if I didn't like it."

I think he was also mad because my son said "what is wrong with you, why do you keep trying to portray my mum as an alcoholic to the bar owner." My son saying this is what I think led to him being called a name.

Let me preface this by saying I do not drink much at all. But I am quite a fast drinker. All holiday, he been making comments to the bar owner and indeed his wife about my drinking. Yesterday he told them how I asked him for a sip of his as (I don't drink some nights or at all during the day); so I asked for a sip of his and he told them I had gulped it. Tbh I think the bar owner is feeling for me as he just says she is thirsty!

Today I decided to stay in the room because I was upset, but the cleaners came and I went to sit with my DS and H.

My DH told son that I was annoyed because he called him a moody prick last night. I said yes and I don't like being told to fuck off etc either. He said sorry and put out his hand but I am too upset to just take this constant disrespect.

Tears started falling and I started think about all the issues I had at home with work etc.
He went off to phone somebody, I guess to say portray me as the villain who's ruining his holiday.

AIBU to not just suck it up and paint a smile back on my face? I feel for my teen DS?

OP posts:
cheddercherry · 10/08/2023 13:37

Oh and for what it’s worth, I’ve never encountered a husband/ father who has called their son a prick and told their wife to fuck off. It’s not the norm, most guys aren’t arseholes. Yes, you can absolutely find better.

Original poster
sadinthesun · 10/08/2023 13:41

cheddercherry · 10/08/2023 13:37

Oh and for what it’s worth, I’ve never encountered a husband/ father who has called their son a prick and told their wife to fuck off. It’s not the norm, most guys aren’t arseholes. Yes, you can absolutely find better.

Thank you for confirming this. I was so upset that he has started to call my son names. Once he did it to his face. This time he didn't but it still really upset me.

OP posts:
Netrinuel · 10/08/2023 13:45

I think when your own child starts pointing out the nasty behaviour of his Dad it is time to really look at that relationship. It doesn't sound great and you deserve to have someone who appreciates you and loves you. It doesn't sound like you have either. Try to enjoy the rest of the holiday, see if you can do something fun with your Ds. Then when you are home, work out what you want going forward.

When our teens are a bit down we try to jolly them out of it rather than name calling, get them to see the funny side of anything if there is one. It is hard work though Grin

Original poster
sadinthesun · 10/08/2023 13:45

@itsgettingweird Yes it is so odd isn't it. What does he get out of it. I think his mum and sister are like this and he grew up with it. They are vile about people and I refuse to have anything to do with them. The comments they make about others are awful. They feel superior to everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
sadinthesun · 10/08/2023 13:56

Exactly @Netrinuel you support them, you don't join in the moodiness like a 5 year old. He will now complain that he has worked so hard for this holiday (ignores my contribution to it of course), and how ungrateful we are etc. He is a workaholic too through choice and because of "how many hours he works" he believes it gives him the right to be the king of the castle.

Come to think of it he makes belittling comments about me to everyone really. I thought for a long time that it was how he communicates, as he does it with others too.

OP posts:
Netrinuel · 10/08/2023 14:01

@sadinthesun well turn yourself into happy in the sun. Make a determined effort to know that this will hopefully be your last holiday with him. There is something deeply unattractive about a man who slags off his wife. When anyone does that in my presence I shut it down immediately because it is just plain rude.

Have a brilliant rest of the holiday, rise above him and his behaviour, have fun with your Ds and get your ducks in a row when you are home. In fact surely that puts a nice smile on your face right now.

Original poster
sadinthesun · 10/08/2023 14:13

Yes, I'm just going to fake it for the sake of DS. Then I'll try and get myself a life when I get home.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 10/08/2023 14:20

Taking your DS out to do things without his arsehole of a dad for the rest of the holiday would do you both the world of good.

Bonbon21 · 10/08/2023 14:36

Just think how great it is that he is a workaholic.... all that money will boost your settlement when you divorce this particular 'prick'!
Hang in there for your boy... and start making freedom plans for yourself when you get home.
You son will not be sorry to lose this bully from his life and will be proud his Mum was strong enough to sort her life out.

itsgettingweird · 10/08/2023 15:05

sadinthesun · 10/08/2023 13:45

@itsgettingweird Yes it is so odd isn't it. What does he get out of it. I think his mum and sister are like this and he grew up with it. They are vile about people and I refuse to have anything to do with them. The comments they make about others are awful. They feel superior to everyone.

Yes superiority could be a reason for this behaviour.

But I hate when to raise yourself up you have to put others down.

Says more about them than you.

Just think how free your and your son will feel when this ain't your everyday life Flowers

Notamum12345577 · 10/08/2023 15:09

cheddercherry · 10/08/2023 13:37

Oh and for what it’s worth, I’ve never encountered a husband/ father who has called their son a prick and told their wife to fuck off. It’s not the norm, most guys aren’t arseholes. Yes, you can absolutely find better.

According to MM most are!

TregunaMekoides · 10/08/2023 15:11

Crikey I'm not surprised your son is moody. Poor kid. He is probably sick of hearing his dad behave like that to you.
Your husband sounds horrible. In my near 20 years of marriage I have never had an exchange like the one you describe.

Original poster
sadinthesun · 10/08/2023 15:41

I like hearing people say they have never had an exchange like this with their husbands. It gives me hope.

OP posts:
herewegoroundthebastardbush · 10/08/2023 15:48

You both need to stop putting your teenager in the middle of your horrible relationship, that's thing one. After that, divorce. He's horrible to you.

Cherrysoup · 10/08/2023 15:57

This is not a loving relationship. You, however, have not upset your ds, that’s down to your DH’s actions. He sounds fucking horrible.

Original poster
sadinthesun · 10/08/2023 16:47

@herewegoroundthebastardbush You are right, the only thing is my son insists we all go on holiday together. So I feel I have to go.

@Cherrysoup I have been loving towards him on the holiday, it doesn't stop him from his contempt. I'm not sure what I ever did to him tbh. I read the Lundy Bancroft book and it seems this is just what these types are like.

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 11/08/2023 10:39

i guess deep down he doesnt like himself much.

HairyKitty · 11/08/2023 16:01

@sadinthesun I hood it isn’t giving you hood that he will change though?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page