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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed my brother brought his stepson to my mums birthday meal?

33 replies

moooglas · 09/08/2023 23:20

As title says.

Me and my brothers don't have the best relationship although I try and get along with them for my mum. Today was my mums birthday and I planned a meal out with her and both brothers, my youngest brother is in a relationship with a woman and she has a 5 year old DS. She's only been with my brother for 9 months but she's already Introduced him to my brother and my mum has also met him.

One brother couldn't come but my younger one said he could but he'd brought his girlfriend's son along. He said the child had been sick last night so he couldn't go to his activity and his mum had to work so he was looking after him. All throughout the meal the child kept getting up and was being a typical child at a restaurant. We then were going to go back to my mums but brother made a comment about them going back to his girlfriends as the child still had an upset stomach but says it isn't a bug.

AIBU in being annoyed?

OP posts:
Zhougzhoug · 09/08/2023 23:23

yes you are

bridgetreilly · 09/08/2023 23:25

YABU. But they should be teaching the child good table manners.

Menopausehaver · 09/08/2023 23:26

I’d be worried about catching a bug off the child. He should have been home, and you could have been given the chance to rearrange another date.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/08/2023 23:27

YANBU if the child is ill he shouldn't be dragging him out and potentially passing it on to others including your mother, what a lovely potential gift for her!

nocoolnamesleft · 09/08/2023 23:27

He shouldn't have brought a child with a likely tummy bug to a meal out. You may all have caught it.

cathcath2 · 09/08/2023 23:27

YANBU, but your thread title is misleading. I would say it is unreasonable to bring a sick child to a restaurant.

Busubaba · 09/08/2023 23:27

Brother wanted to see his mum but was taking care of his step son, so I understand why he brought him.

However, it's not on for the child to wander around and should be sat at the table for the meal so as not to disturb others.

Bandyarsia · 09/08/2023 23:27

Jesus you don’t bring a child out amongst other people with a tummy bug!

LucifersPain · 09/08/2023 23:28

You sound delightful… /s

HeddaGarbled · 09/08/2023 23:29

Presumably his options were to bring the child or not come at all. Which do you think your mum would have preferred?

Morechocmorechoc · 09/08/2023 23:30

When a child free meal is arranged and its your mum and her kids I wouldn't expect anyone else regardless of age. And that's before the illness issue. People on here are unreasonable they think that's OK. It's rude.

BrendaMcPherson · 09/08/2023 23:30

YANBU about him bringing the child to the meal. Even if the child had been fully fit he hadn't been invited. Who wants a random kids tagging along to an adults only meal?
YABU calling the child his stepson. He's not married to the child's mother.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/08/2023 23:30

Your brother is a selfish idiot. I hope neither you nor your mum get sick!

AuntMarch · 09/08/2023 23:31

HeddaGarbled · 09/08/2023 23:29

Presumably his options were to bring the child or not come at all. Which do you think your mum would have preferred?

If coming with DSC meant potentially spreading a bug, I'm sure she would have preferred he stayed home like any other responsible parent would.

MaggieFS · 09/08/2023 23:33

Well I don't think he should have brought a child with a bug out, but then you'd probably be complaining that the GF's son stopped you coming.

I think you need to move on.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/08/2023 23:36

Bringing his stepson in usual circumstances would be fine, I think. Say if he was unexpectedly looking after him for a different reason. Bringing a child with a stomach bug is not on. There’s a reason why they’re excluded from schools, clubs etc for 48 hours which is that they’re likely contagious. And parents always (well, some parents always) say “oh it’s not a bug”, when they couldn’t possibly know that.

JudgeRudy · 09/08/2023 23:44

moooglas · 09/08/2023 23:20

As title says.

Me and my brothers don't have the best relationship although I try and get along with them for my mum. Today was my mums birthday and I planned a meal out with her and both brothers, my youngest brother is in a relationship with a woman and she has a 5 year old DS. She's only been with my brother for 9 months but she's already Introduced him to my brother and my mum has also met him.

One brother couldn't come but my younger one said he could but he'd brought his girlfriend's son along. He said the child had been sick last night so he couldn't go to his activity and his mum had to work so he was looking after him. All throughout the meal the child kept getting up and was being a typical child at a restaurant. We then were going to go back to my mums but brother made a comment about them going back to his girlfriends as the child still had an upset stomach but says it isn't a bug.

AIBU in being annoyed?

There's a few things you mention and I'm unsure which one is annoying you.
If someone's sick you don't bring them to a meal. In fact don't take them anywhere unless it's for fresh air.
Was it supposed to be an adult only social? That would annoy me
Your brother left straight after the meal using SSs illness as a reason. That would annoy me.

Hour brother should not have bought his SS, sick or well unless he was invited. If the kids gf was working brother should have said sorry, I can't have him, I've made plans. In an emergency he should have just stayed away.

You've mentioned your brother's relationship and been a bit judgey. I sense that the kid was a step rather than bio son played a part in your annoyance.
Did your mum enjoy seeing everyone?That's the main thing.

Thatboymum · 09/08/2023 23:52

They’ve been together 9 months and the family’s met the child already … so what’s wrong with that ? Would you feel differently if the stepchild was biologically related to you would it be ok then

AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters · 10/08/2023 00:08

I understand why you are irritated. The focus of the meal shifted from your mum to a child who wasn’t well. It’s the last place a small child would want to be - ill or not. That is aside from the fact that the child should probably have been at home in bed.

Blossomtoes · 10/08/2023 00:11

What did your mum think?

HaIIie · 10/08/2023 00:48

Is your issue the sick bug or the child in general?

emz393 · 10/08/2023 00:58

Yanbu.

I think people commenting must often palm their sick kids off willingly to go be with their step families. I don't understand why anyone would think you're being unreasonable. You wanted a family meal with your mother, not a child you barely know who also happens to be sick.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 10/08/2023 01:34

YABU

BusyMum47 · 10/08/2023 07:16

Are you bothered that he brought a sick/possibly contagious child with him or the specific fact that it was his girlfriend's son & a 'family' lunch?

Marwoodsbigbreak · 10/08/2023 07:51

If the child had been well I would say YABU.

However, DB shouldn’t have brought a sick child out.

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