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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hate my area - should I move house?

48 replies

juneq · 09/08/2023 23:08

I bought a home 7 years ago in what is commonly (and correctly, lol) regarded as a rough area. I chose it as it was the only place locally that I could afford. It’s not a pleasant area - lots of litter everywhere, traffic and fumes, drug dealers, beggars, junkies and dodgy people hanging about - but the house itself and the street is nice and I have nice, very quiet immediate neighbours, so I was prepared to tolerate the bad bits.

However, in the last year or two things have been getting more intolerable. There seem to be more properties getting bought up, ripped out and turned into student flats or HMO’s with noisy and sometimes downright dodgy people moving in - whilst with my kids I’ve witnessed two drug deals recently on my road in broad daylight, someone trying to take drugs in my front garden (also in broad daylight and in front of my kids) and more music and partying late at night. I’ve not had any of these problems before, which suggests to me things are going downhill.

A number of local businesses have closed down recently too and the local high street feels really desolate - there are no shops worth visiting anymore and it seems to be increasingly populated by street drinkers and beggars, who hassle passers-by for money. Coming home at night on my own it’s quite intimidating. A local coffee shop I used to visit a lot has gone because they say the rents are too high, the area is dodgy and there’s not enough custom.

One reason I want to stay where I am is that it’s convenient for work and near a big city which I like to visit. If I were to move it would have to be somewhere far away as I can’t afford to upgrade in the current region that I live in. As I say, I also like the property itself and I have nice immediate neighbours. I also have several friends and relatives close by. However, the area seems like it’s very much on a downward spiral and I find it an ordeal and exhausting to navigate at times. I’m wondering how much more I can take and it’s starting to get me down. I work remotely so that’s not an issue.

I have two kids (twins) due to start primary school next year so that could be a factor in when to move, if I do.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
juneq · 09/08/2023 23:14

It’s a shame as if the area was like it was when I moved in (not great but just about okay) then I’d probably stay on, but the fact it has got noticeably worse is what worries me.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 09/08/2023 23:16

I'd move. I'd rather have a bad house in a good area than a good house in a bad area.

SkipHopJumpSplatWallop · 09/08/2023 23:19

I would move.
When areas take a down turn they usually keep going. You don’t want to wait until your nice next door neighbours move out and you are left living next to the types that worry you. I would worry with my DC growing up somewhere where they are seeing that.

Original poster
juneq · 09/08/2023 23:25

I feel like I’m holding on due to fond memories of our home, the kids growing up here and nice neighbours, but equally I’m worried that things will continue to slide. It’s hard to know if things will carry on getting worse but it does seem to be on a downward spiral. This last year it has been particularly noticeable.

The other thing holding me back is that I could end up moving somewhere else and having awful immediate neighbours. It’s such a lottery.

OP posts:
Original poster
juneq · 09/08/2023 23:28

Also, if you witness drug deals is it worth reporting? I didn’t as the ones I saw they both clearly saw me looking and I didn’t want any repercussions. But could I ring the police with number plates for example? Or are they just not interested on what they would probably regard as low level crime? As I said I have two young kids so I don’t want any hassle or trouble. I would probably be too scared of it coming back on me.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 09/08/2023 23:30

juneq · 09/08/2023 23:25

I feel like I’m holding on due to fond memories of our home, the kids growing up here and nice neighbours, but equally I’m worried that things will continue to slide. It’s hard to know if things will carry on getting worse but it does seem to be on a downward spiral. This last year it has been particularly noticeable.

The other thing holding me back is that I could end up moving somewhere else and having awful immediate neighbours. It’s such a lottery.

You can't stay somewhere because of memories.

Your children are watching people deal drugs outside your house and you have the option to take them out of that.

I think you need to give your head a shake.

WhereshallIwander · 09/08/2023 23:31

Sounds like the place I've just sold OP.

Just be aware of the kind of friends your dc will be making as well at school.
I actually worked in the local school and the language and behaviour was awful. Some schools in deprived areas do very well and have good behaviour policies which are followed but you can't change the fact that often these poor kids come from homes where drugs, neglect and alcohol abuse is the norm.
I've had to be very careful about who comes to our house and where my own kids are going.

I am not saying that you only find this behaviour in deprived schools - far from it. Many parents really are amazing considering their circumstances but it will be more prevalent due to unemployment and poverty.

Anyway, I completed last week and am moving 40 mins away with a new job to start next month.

Original poster
juneq · 09/08/2023 23:32

calmcoco · 09/08/2023 23:30

You can't stay somewhere because of memories.

Your children are watching people deal drugs outside your house and you have the option to take them out of that.

I think you need to give your head a shake.

Show quote history

The drug dealing in my immediate area has only been very recent, but I’m worried it’s the start of things to come. It wasn’t an issue when we moved in.

OP posts:
WhereshallIwander · 09/08/2023 23:34

juneq · 09/08/2023 23:28

Also, if you witness drug deals is it worth reporting? I didn’t as the ones I saw they both clearly saw me looking and I didn’t want any repercussions. But could I ring the police with number plates for example? Or are they just not interested on what they would probably regard as low level crime? As I said I have two young kids so I don’t want any hassle or trouble. I would probably be too scared of it coming back on me.

I would have if it was outside the school where I worked or if kids were involved.
If not, I doubt the police will do much and you risk the consequences.

Original poster
juneq · 09/08/2023 23:36

WhereshallIwander · 09/08/2023 23:34

I would have if it was outside the school where I worked or if kids were involved.
If not, I doubt the police will do much and you risk the consequences.

Show quote history

Thanks. It wasn’t outside a school and no kids involved (apart from my own kids being in the vicinity, but thankfully they are far too young to know what was going on). It’s a shame that reporting these things is unlikely to get you anywhere - makes you feel a bit powerless really.

OP posts:
WhereshallIwander · 09/08/2023 23:38

juneq · 09/08/2023 23:36

Thanks. It wasn’t outside a school and no kids involved (apart from my own kids being in the vicinity, but thankfully they are far too young to know what was going on). It’s a shame that reporting these things is unlikely to get you anywhere - makes you feel a bit powerless really.

Show quote history

I know. I'm just very careful as I'm on my own with 3 dc and didn't have particularly nice neighbours either so I would feel worried about retaliation.
The police are probably aware of who they are anyway.

PriamFarrl · 09/08/2023 23:39

I would move. It’s not going to get better. In fairness I think every high street is suffering much the same fate, but residential areas seem to still be ok.

Original poster
juneq · 09/08/2023 23:44

I feel like I have permanent low level anxiety just wondering what’ll be next around here at the moment, so that’s probably my answer right there.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 09/08/2023 23:46

juneq · 09/08/2023 23:44

I feel like I have permanent low level anxiety just wondering what’ll be next around here at the moment, so that’s probably my answer right there.

Flowers

It's sad when things change in that way.

But it does sound like you can find somewhere better.

TeaMistress · 09/08/2023 23:48

It sounds like an area which you don't want your children growing up in. Drug and crime ridden and you feel unsafe? Get the house on the market and start looking for a new home before the deterioration of the area makes the property hard to sell.

Original poster
juneq · 09/08/2023 23:50

It’s hard to accept when you’ve tried to make an area your home I guess. But it’s reached that point where the bad has started to outweigh the good and I can’t see any reason for that trend to reverse.

OP posts:
GameOverBoys · 09/08/2023 23:52

It sounds like you want to move. I would be most worried about what school your kids will end up at than anything else. Do you know anything about the local primary?

WhereshallIwander · 09/08/2023 23:55

I hope you make the right decision. Moving is full of unknowns.

BTW, I bought (like you) in a cheap area but a nice, big house.
My mortgage was getting expensive with the rises and I didn't want to get another mortgage just to buy in a not so nice area.
So, I looked at all my options and I am buying a house in a nice area with Heylo.
You can choose your house and put in an offer like you would under normal circumstances and you buy the share you can afford whilst paying rent on the bit you don't own. You can staircase up to 100% any time which gives you the freehold.

It's like shared ownership but doesn't restrict you to newbuilds and service charges etc although they do have a scheme for newbuilds as well.
It was the only way I could get my kids into a good area with decent schools.

Magneta · 10/08/2023 00:01

Personally, moving from a town I didn't love to one I was happier with gave me a massive shift in quality of life. We moved to a cheaper area so got more house for the same money, but it was the town itself too.

I think it depends how remote your work is really. If it truly can be done from anywhere then the world's your oyster. But if there's a chance you could be called back into an office then be careful. Belt and braces, maybe look for an area that has lots of employment opportunities IRL so you (and your children when they're bigger) have options for work without having to relocate or be limited to WFH roles in future.

Original poster
juneq · 10/08/2023 00:02

The local school has got a good reputation locally, so that’s actually the least of my worries!

Are there any areas you can live where there isn’t some sort of aggro, worry about something or other locally or dodgy behaviour? I think I’ve just become accustomed to it, lol.

OP posts:
Ketzele · 10/08/2023 00:16

Think ahead to when your children are teenagers, as mine are. I live in a ridiculously crappy little house in a really nice area, with one of the lowest crime rates in London. I still worry when they're coming home late, but I would be going out of my mind if we were in the area I grew up in.

Slouching · 10/08/2023 00:25

I think you've become so accustomed to it you can't see how abnormal it is.

Get your DC out of there. If you can't walk around without fear/seeing the dregs of society on every corner, then it's no place to bring up a child. I grew up on a tough council estate and am forever grateful my mum got us the hell out as soon as she could. I saw things children really shouldn't be exposed to, of course we thought it was somewhat "normal" back then but it really, really wasn't.

Sad to leave somewhere you wanted to make your home but I bet you'll get over it very quickly when you get out of that environment and see how awful it really was.

Good luck!

Hivaluegirl · 10/08/2023 02:24

If you live near most cities you will find the same problems even in Chelsea London when I lived there my friend was attacked by a local drug user/homeless woman for no reason and there was regular noise.

If you move more out it is nicer, quieter. I have I barely hear police sirens but it takes me over a hour to drive to central London for instance which is where I like to go on weekends

Hivaluegirl · 10/08/2023 02:25

As soon as they turn teens I would move out not now.

WhereshallIwander · 10/08/2023 09:15

Hivaluegirl · 10/08/2023 02:25

As soon as they turn teens I would move out not now.

I disagree, we have children 6/7 plus who talk about drugs, violence and sex on a regular basis. It shows what kind of homes they live in.
By year 4/ 5 you wouldn't believe what we see and hear.
I think some people are naive about primary aged kids nowadays.

Secondary is too late.