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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else fail to understand people sometimes?

11 replies

Baconsandwich33 · 09/08/2023 22:26

I do agency work, I'd been going to a place for a few weeks and a lady there seemed quite nice, smiling and she was helpful. She could be a bit stern at times but not towards me. Didn't really get to know her but never had any issue with her.
I went back there the other day for the first time in 8 months. I saw that it was sort of a forced, unenthusiastic smile from her, and then when I left the room I actually heard her say to her colleague 'Why is she here?"
The colleague is always nice to me and explained to this lady why I was there. I peeked round the corner and the woman looked really peed off.
I was baffled really, I can't think of anything I'd done last time to offend her, and surely nothing that she'd still be thinking of 8 months later! I was shocked in the change in demeanour tbh. I can't think of any reason why.
Totally separate issue, I'm trying to make new friends. Tried meetup groups and online, found a lady who lives in the local area. Great, she seemed keen to meet up for a walk. I suggested a date and time as she told me she was very flexible, then suddenly she's not sure she can make it as she's not feeling well the day before. Hmm, maybe I'm just cynical but I've seen this a few times. If she is genuinely ill I apologise but I am slightly skeptical. I wonder if it's more not wanting to meet for whatever reason. I mean onto the next one if not. She seemed very keen then suddenly not. Also taking a very long time to reply.
So sometimes I just struggle to get people!

OP posts:
Baconsandwich33 · 09/08/2023 22:27

It wasn't like a 'Oh that's funny I didn't expect X to be here today."
It was a very stern 'Why is SHE here"

OP posts:
Curseofthenation · 09/08/2023 22:34

I would personal make it into a fun game with your colleague as your workplace is temporary. I would be as peppy and friendly with the grumpy woman as I could and make a real effort to remember details about her life as conversation starters. Kill her with kindness 😆.

As for the potential new friend, I'd try not to fixate on why she cancelled. She could have got some bad news or may be having a difficult time in one way or another. I'm sure you'll make some friends soon.

Curseofthenation · 09/08/2023 22:34

*personally

Feelinglow27 · 09/08/2023 22:35

Yeah I don't get people either

WomanFromTheNorth · 09/08/2023 22:39

I think the case of the second lady could be down to anxiety. She probably wants to go but gets more anxious nearer the time. The first woman just sounds like a miserable cow. Don't waste any more headspace on her. Some people aren't very nice, it's depressing sometimes.

loseridiot · 09/08/2023 22:52

It is a shame then people wonder why others don't engage with them.

Ponoka7 · 09/08/2023 22:53

Are you paid more than her because you are on agency?

Olika · 09/08/2023 23:27

Next time you see the woman at work, say: here I am again.

Baconsandwich33 · 10/08/2023 06:08

Contrary to popular belief I do not earn more than her for being agency staff, except for when it's a last minute shift they are really struggling to cover. (But they also get enhanced pay in such a situation)
Yeah, maybe it's anxiety, or maybe just flakiness, who knows! I just have to keep trying I guess. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
jabberwokky · 10/08/2023 06:13

Your second person - the potential friend - could be anxiety or anything else that has come up for her. You don't know her. I think you should be more forgiving when random people you meet online decide not to meet you at the last minute - they don't owe you anything and a lot of people get nervous about doing things like that.

If you make a friend through meeting online then great, but if you don't, don't be annoyed.

Baconsandwich33 · 10/08/2023 06:28

Yes, absolutely, and if she is genuinely unwell I do apologise. It's just that I've had it happen around 5 or 6 times and I think I'm losing patience.

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