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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why some people do this?

28 replies

Bluey124 · 09/08/2023 22:22

Was sitting down at work and another colleague (female) came in and walked towards me. She was looking for something but stood behind me and put both her hands on my shoulders for a while as she looked.
Aibu to have felt irritated? What's with all the unnecessary touching? I have had someone do this before at another workplace and stop and play with my hair. I wouldn't even think to do that to any of my colleagues...

OP posts:
irrationalsense · 10/08/2023 09:19

I said I was tactile. I didn't say I touch anyone at work. Or a serial groper. I just don't mind being touched if the touchers intentions are clear and well meaning. And I understand Touching is a very triggering thing and no one has right to touch, yet it happens. Rather than try to change the world, can't we find constructive ways to respond?

I was trying to get inside touching woman's mind and see if there was a way to understand why she did it, that wasn't creepy or threatening. Is there a balanced view here? Or shall we all just go and find that woman and dog pile?

OP shouldn't have to ask people in advance not to touch her. But the horse had bolted, at the point of being touched why not say I don't like that. Is it really better to simmer internally and carry that unpleasant moment with you afterwards? I'm sure all of us have far more important things to invest our mental energy on.

None of us can manage away all these kinds of things ahead and prevent them happening. This forum isn't going to re-educate the entire populous and prevent it. And are you actually supporting OP if she just comes out the other side even more wound up and unsettled?

OP, hope you're ok. If you keep getting touched at work please do address it with people so that they learn and stop. Or you could go to HR and talk to someone about how to prevent this in future.

Righty o, must dash, I'm off to run around touching people. (That is a joke please don't stone me to death, I'm only 41 and mother to children who need me, just give me at least 10 more years to get them off to uni etc)

SamW98 · 10/08/2023 09:29

Rubiconmango · 10/08/2023 05:44

Lmao in such a woke world, how did he think that would be OK? Gosh some people are incredibly self centred and imposing, it baffles me.

This was about 10 years ago so not sure he’d get away with it in the same way now.

He was late 40’s at time and used to come up behind women at their desks and start massaging their shoulders.
He was so indignant when a younger woman (early 20’s) spoke to her manager about it making her feel uncomfortable that he refused to speak to her. He really thought she was being a troublemaker ffs

irrationalsense · 10/08/2023 11:36

And I was thinking about this. I am a very literal person. You said AIBU to wonder why ppl do this?

I went into answering "why ppl do this?" Cus not everyone is out to assault you. There are kindly unthinking ppl who screw up.

However if question is AIBU? Then answer is no you are not. I wouldn't like that whither

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