To consider SEN/ND

[constantlyconcerned]

I have a 7 year old DD. She is very bright, creative, kind and caring. Full of energy and very chatty. Increasingly, I’m concerned that there’s traits of ASD/ADHD. Her teacher does not think there are signs, but has described her as very emotional. Emotions/outbursts can be both at home and school. We have had two instances of being very upset in school in the last 7 months. We took her to the GP and after spending time with her, they did not think a referral to explore ND was necessary. I’m not looking to try to give her a label but have been concerned enough to go to GP.

I just can’t shake the concern I have and ultimately I just want to ensure my child is supported.

Concerns:
-very chatty, often doesn’t let others get a word in but does pause if we tell her to. She can have a back and forth conversation
-fidgets a lot at home, rolls around on sofa etc, stands up etc
-very enthusiastic and excitable
-very emotional, can cry easily. Eg if a friend doesn’t want to play the same game or if people tell her she’s wrong
-likes rules, doesn’t like when people break them but is starting to be more flexible with this
-very clever, knows a lot of her timestables, self taught. Has a good vocabulary, reading is good but less enthusiastic about that, spelling isn’t the best.
-she has friends but I feel like she is overwhelming to them, she can be full on.
-worries a lot and doubts herself, can be harsh on herself

On the other hand, she doesn’t show a great deal of repetitive or sensory based behaviours- tries new foods happily, noise/textures etc don’t bother her. She has interests and although is enthusiastic, she’s not obsessed and will happily come away from them. She is very confident and talks to children her age happily, can be shy around older children. Attends clubs happily. Entertains herself at home and a lot of the time is a calm and happy child. Changes to routine etc don’t phase her or last minute plans. She follows instructions well.

I suppose my AIBU is, should I still be considering this or should I wait to see if she grows out of it? She’s looking forward to returning to school in September. I don’t know if my own anxiety is causing me to look for things that may not necessarily be there.

The things you’ve described sound like a normal child, and her teachers and the doctor aren’t concerned so they’re likely right. Why are you concerned? The emotional side can just be normal development/hormonal changes. There’s nothing that sounds particularly worrying?

I have two DC with ASD and I’m not seeing signs of that in your DD tbh.
You need to keep in mind that young children have trouble processing and regulating emotions as part of simply being young. They will be drama llamas until around age 9/10 and then you get a bit of relief before the teenage hormones make them emotional wrecks again.

I think textures and sensory are usually very big things.

My Dd was diagnosed at 16. When she was 7 she was irritable, was terrified of dress up days, wouldn’t wear certain clothing, was so scared of doing anything wrong. She was very attached to Jellycats because of the textures.

She also had friends and was friendly and chatty

She also had a meltdown after school every day.

I have suffered with health related anxiety in the past and although I’ve generally been fine for a good number of years, I don’t know if I’m currently going through an anxious period and looking for things with my daughter.
She is a great child, people often tell us that but a lot of people also comment on how energetic/enthusiastic she is.

We don’t get meltdowns after school - it doesn’t appear as if she’s masking then letting it out afterwards. Emotions can appear anywhere. If she’s tired/hungry she can be a bit grumpy but generally fine after eating.

Being energetic, enthusiastic, chatty…. These are not bad things or signs of anything other than being alive really OP. Based on what you’ve said, what professionals have said about your DD, and your ‘concerns’ I think think it’s your anxiety rather than something going on with your DD.

She is a great child, people often tell us that but a lot of people also comment on how energetic/enthusiastic she is.
Some of that may be unconscious sexism in thinking that girls are quiet, calm, and play sedately compared to the rough and tumble, high energy of boys. Kids allowed to be kids will be energetic and enthusiastic.

Everyone can get grumpy if tired or hungry, it’s normal.

She sounds fine to me.

I'm no expert but she sounds like a typical 7 yo

She sounds nothing like my 7 year old who is awaiting assessment for autism/adhd and has issues that impact daily life far beyond the normal things that you are describing.

Nobody can diagnose nor rule out stuff here but from what your wrote, she sounds 'normal' for loss of a better word (I have 2 DDs who are ND).

School and GP are not concerned either. I really wouldn't worry for now. Sometimes, things become obvious later on but nothing in your post jumps out as unusual for that age.

At the moment it doesn’t read like ASD to me, but it does present differently in girls and one of the key things as they grow is usually anxiety. But obviously anxiety can happen regardless, especially if hormones start coming into play. There may be enough to consider ADHD - again that can easily be missed in girls due to misogyny. Easily upset and excessively chatty could be signs but there’s really not much to go off from your op. Without any delays or learning issues, unfortunately these things only tend to become clearer as they get older.

Emotional regulation can be difficult for children who are ND. But in order to get a diagnosis, she would need to be presenting with a significant number of traits for ADHD (so emotional dysregulation, energetic, challenges concentrating in school plus more..) or ASC (there does seem to be a lack of sensory overwhelm in addition 5o her emotional outbursts which may suggest she is not on the spectrum).

I think out of the two she sounds more like a candidate for ADHD but perhaps not showing enough traits.

Don't just leave it there though. Speak to the SENCo at school because she obviously has some needs that need to be met within school. See what they suggest about meeting those needs (e.g. sessions with the ELSA at school/quiet place for when she gets overwhelmed) and see how these small supports make an impact on her for the next term or so...then check in with school again to find out what they are seeing.

she sounds 'normal' for loss of a better word

’Typical’ is the better word, or neurotypical.

’Typical’ is the better word, or neurotypical.

Thank you. That was the one I was looking for but it somehow didn't come out! With 2 kids on the spectrum, I actually know. It's been a long day...

Thank you for the responses and advice.

Not lecturing! Sorry may have come over a bit preachy there, it has been a bloody long day.