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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Argument with neighbour

25 replies

RealisticGuy · 09/08/2023 15:08

I live in a rural setting but share my laneway with a neighbour and our houses are within a close enough distance, my laneway runs along the side of their house. Both of our gardens share a hedge boundary.

Up to now I have gotten along very well with them, however a few weeks ago my neighbour approached me to complain about the noise of my cars.

My everyday car is an EV, so silent. However I have a sports car I will enjoy on nice days through summer and some classic cars I will use for the same purpose.

He complained that as I had returned home at 10am the noise of the car had woken their children and it had happened a few times now.

Now I should mention I try to be neighbourly and crawl down lane and pretty much 10mph to be courteous. He has suggested I don’t use these particular vehicles in the evening or mornings as a result.

I laughed as it seemed an utterly ridiculous statement. He got quite irate at it.

I then pointed out that his kids spend the entire summers in the garden, particularly his daughter making high pitched screaming almost constantly and that they terrorise my dog by poking through the hedge at her. They also would have regular parties (at least once a month) where they sit out back and play music and loud chatting with friends. So obviously they only have concern for noise with their children when it suits them.

My wife said I should have just taken the comment about the car and said very little but made no change to our behaviour as we are doing nothing wrong but me pointing out their annoyances as a neighbour has escalated the argument. They have been completely rude now since.

AIBU?

OP posts:

RatherBeRiding · 09/08/2023 15:11

I would probably have done the same! But he's obviously an entitled arse who can't see what he is doing wrong so probably wasted breath. Just carry on and ignore them.

Aintgotthatswing · 09/08/2023 15:15

Neighbour disputes are a highway to hell so if you can find a way to smooth things over I would try to do that if I wanted to stay living there.

HundredMilesAnHour · 09/08/2023 15:21

You woke the children at 10am??! Are they teenagers? 😂

44PumpLane · 09/08/2023 15:22

Your neighbour is annoyed you pointed out their double standard! Carry on with our life as you are, you don't need to be best mates with your neighbours.

RubiRage · 09/08/2023 15:31

I’d rev up on my way out & come speeding down the lane on the return journey, before finally screeching to a halt.

Hiddenvoice · 09/08/2023 15:35

10am wake up for children isn’t ridiculous.

I’d have been tempted to say things back to him about his noise but I’d have nodded and left it as it not aggravate the situation.

Continue to go out in your car, as long as you’re not making excessive noise past 11pm at night, they cannot complain.

My dh and I have particularly noisy cars and where we park backs on to my neighbours house. We have previously checked with the neighbours to make sure we’re not disrupting their children if we come back late.

Aintgotthatswing · 09/08/2023 15:47

😄Rubi.

WB205020 · 09/08/2023 15:55

I would want to avoid falling out with neighbours if at all possible so what I would do is give it a couple of days, post argument, then go and see them again. Explain the need to get along / be civil and try and work out a way forward.

Ultimately they are being unreasonable and yes a cheeky fu*ker and I would have done the same as you initially but once the dust has settled id want to try and avoid escalating things as you have to live next to each other and it could cause a whole load of problems if its not nipped in the bud.

Meeting · 09/08/2023 16:01

Oh yes so he's a noisy twat but wants silence from others. YANBU.

DinnaeFashYersel · 09/08/2023 16:03

Is 10am a typo?

longtompot · 09/08/2023 16:10

He should have our neighbour as his. He has a very noisy exhaust, by design not because he needs a new one, and at about 6.30am he starts it up to go to work. All ok if we are fast asleep but if it's in the lighter bit of the sleep cycle then we are woken up and then find it very hard to get back to sleep.

Yanbu and I would carry on as you are

Monster80 · 09/08/2023 16:13

Our neighbours get up at 5am every weekend to attend various regional sports competitions. At first we assumed they were on airport runs. Now we just use white noise in the bedrooms. Never said anything to them as I’m sure we too have many irritating habits…

Olika · 09/08/2023 16:15

10am? 🤦🏽‍♀️ enjoy your car!

Original poster

RealisticGuy · 09/08/2023 16:20

Sorry type 10pm. This was us returning home from dinner with friends so it’s a rare occasion. Not daily or even weekly, usually I only use the car 2-3 times a week in summer and usually never past 8pm.

Im going to try and de-escalate the situation for the long term good. We built this house so have zero intention of ever moving from it.

OP posts:

RB68 · 09/08/2023 16:43

Completely unreasonable, I think you are right to deescalate but yes they are totally unreasonable

Swansandcustard · 09/08/2023 16:50

‘Sorry the car woke your kids, we don’t often go out late but point taken’.

or you can just do tit for tat and have a horrible atmosphere.

topnoddy · 09/08/2023 18:03

I'd suggest back to him that i'll drive what I want when I want !

Stick a race exhaust on one of the cars as well

Saschka · 09/08/2023 18:25

Rev your engine down the laneway, then do a handbrake turn outside his house. That’ll teach him

We had a similar neighbour - loud parties in the back garden until 3am every weekend in summer. Shrieking, loud music, bad drunken ABBA singalongs, nudity, the lot.

DH and DS had some kids music on with the window open one afternoon when she is trying to WFH (NOT baby shark, that WBU), and she was straight round here banging on the door telling us she can’t concentrate with distractions.

FlamingYam · 09/08/2023 18:32

You were right to say what you said (assuming it was politely.) as they need to be aware that actually they are quite selfish and you have been accepting.

What you say about the kids behaviour kind of now lines up with the adults behaviour. They poke your dog through the fence and make loads of noise and now the dogs being a dick.

Did they build their house?

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/08/2023 18:34

He sounds like a complete bellend but I have learned to my bitter cost that neighbour disputes are up there with divorce on the stress stakes.

Living in a state of civil war with your closest neighbours will destroy you if you let it. If you can deescalate it (even though it’s clearly not your fault) I would move heaven and earth to do so.

Hivaluegirl · 09/08/2023 18:42

He's an idiot. People love to complain about noise whist ignoring their own.
Use your car at whatever time you want. Deliberately reeving the engine is anti social, driving your car isn't

Takeitonthechin · 09/08/2023 18:51

Could he have been in a bad mood that day do you think and he decided to take it out on you?
You're doing nothing wrong, it's probably just jealousy, due to having a choice of cars to drive. Maybe they're struggling in this economic climate and over on your side of the fence, the grass looks greener?!
I was the same with my old neighbour, she thought he was being clever by starting an argument, she didn't like it when I finished it! Never spoke to us again, was I bothered, No!

CleverLilViper · 09/08/2023 18:53

Maybe he should learn that tolerance is a two-way street. You've been accepting of his noise so he now has to accept some of your noise.

People who complain the most about noise are often the people that play oblivious to their own noise and disruption.

I think you were right to point out his hypocrisy. If he wants absolute silence, he should move far away from other people, also, he and his kids should practice a bit more of what they preach, then. I never really understand people who expect others to curtail their noise (within reason) whilst being as noisy as they want to be themselves.

I'd be having a go about the kids poking at your dog, too. No way would I be allowing that to stand with my dogs. I'd be out there so fast, and make sure they never came near my dogs again.

I wouldn't rev the car or do anything deliberately to escalate the situation further. I'd simply continue to drive the car as normal and forget about him. You've now made him aware that he and his family make plenty of noise and you've tolerated it. It's his turn to do the same.

Choupette7 · 09/08/2023 19:23

RubiRage · 09/08/2023 15:31

I’d rev up on my way out & come speeding down the lane on the return journey, before finally screeching to a halt.

Plus a handbrake turn for good measure 😁

Original poster

RealisticGuy · 09/08/2023 20:51

thanks for the responses, some gave me a good chuckle. Perhaps he was having an off day as he is usually very friendly. We have attended a few of their parties in the past too.

Im not actually bothered about the things they do (with the exception of the dog as if she bit one of their kids it would ultimately be our problem) I just wanted to get the point across that you have to just tolerate certain things.

They also built their house so can’t see them going anywhere either long term. I’ll see if I can have a polite word over the coming days to put it behind us.

OP posts:

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