To ask questions about inheritance you want to leave

[D20]

What do you want to leave and have you told the beneficiaries? This comes from an aged aunt passing away and not specifying what she wanted to happen with a box of jewellery. I think it would mean more if the recipient also knew a bit about the history/significance of the jewellery to her and why she wanted to pass it on or if it was just to be sold for scrap and paid for a slap up meal in their honour.

If you haven’t is it because you think at some point between now and death you will have told them? Do you think it’ll cause a ruckus so want to avoid that? Scared of changing/making a will because that’ll make you think about death? It’s like talking about money and it just shouldn’t be done?

I think people just don't like thinking about death or think they will have time to let people know, and also there's this belief that wanting to know anything about inheritance is 'grabby' so people never ask their loved ones either.

My mum died just over a month ago and among the comprehensive instructions she left behind was a typed a4 sheet front and back with all her notable belongings, their background, and whether they are valuable in terms of money or just sentimental value. I'm an only child so everything will be mine, but if I hadn't been or she had wanted to leave specific things to someone else she would have written it there. It's been very helpful and interesting to learn the history behind some of the stuff we had in our house when I was growing up but never really thought about.

She never shied away from explaining what would happen when she died, what investments etc she had, what financial measures she had put in place for my two DC, and while sometimes I would say to her 'Mum, I don't care about money, I care about you' or whatever, it was very important to her and now she's gone I'm glad we had those discussions because I know exactly what her wishes were and I don't have to do any guessing.

I have had to think about it and talk about it a fair bit recently because I got married but have DC from a previous marriage and DH has no children. I want my DC to inherit my half of the house and all my jewelry and books so I am getting a will written to state that and we are tenants in common - DH has a lifetime interest in our house though. So he can stay until: he dies or goes into residential care or starts a new relationship. If any of the above happens it forces the sale of the house and my DC get my half of the property and my life insurance payout. DH gets my pension, our joint savings, he would also get my death in service if I die before I retire (NHS worker).

I just didn't want to leave any doubt or leave my DC's inheritance vulnerable to a complete stranger. All the DC know what's in place not sure how much DD has taken in (she's 12) but DS1 and 2 are clear on it.

Sorry for your loss @Clefable I think what your mum did was very organised and I bet she was the kind of person that would have enjoyed doing that for you too.

@Weddingpuzzle dealing with it all now means no one is going to be surprised or upset and understand your reasonings.

@Weddingpuzzle Very sensible. This is what my mum did. She remarried but her and my stepdad's wills both reflect that their half of everything should go to their own DC. Each was entitled to a life rent in the house when the other dies, so they could remain living there until they die or downsize, at which point half of the house money goes to the deceased's child(ren).

It's never too early to get this stuff sorted, because putting it off or not getting round to it could end up depriving children of money and possessions their parent wanted them to have. If you do this kind of thing when you have the time and energy to do so, then you don't have to worry about it if you're in a situation where it might end up being needed.

@D20 Thank you, she was incredibly organised. We joked that she arranged her own funeral and all we had to do was turn up! She left absolutely everything in a folder, all her wishes, financial information, who needed to be told, login information for all her accounts and websites. It was her parting gift to me and my stepdad and we will be forever grateful.

My mum did the same as @Clefable 's. I have breast cancer and, while I hope that all will be well after treatment, one of the first things I did was to go through my jewellery and personal belongings and write a list of what I wanted done with everything. (I already have a Will). I expect to revise it a few times but, if I don't have the time or energy to do that I am pretty happy with the way it is now. People do the most stupid things when emotions are running high... There was the most enormous fuss when my late ex-FIL died as to what he wanted done with his car, and it ended up with half the family not speaking to the other half. Much better to let your wishes be known.

Honestly, it's just someone else's problem. The dead don't care. Isn't it possible that someone who failed to specify what they wanted done with their jewellery just wasn't that bothered, and was happy to leave it to be the living's problem? Apart from anything else, in most cases, you don't get to ensure your wishes are carried out -- you can't prevent a legatee from selling the ancestral tat after your death?

Absolutely. It has actually been good to have it managed by a legal professional whilst I am still alive because it has been complex (Declaration of Trusts etc are quite complicated when you have different beneficiaries) and I am glad my DC are spared from navigating it.

If I died tomorrow and hadn't put this in place, DH could have inherited it all as my spouse. If he then remarried then died by the end of this year (unlikely I know but life eh?) his new wife would inherit his estate and my DC would have nothing. That seemed bonkers to me so I thought it best to work it out now.

Did she have her own DC?

My will currently basically says that DH inherits it all. Beyond that, I’m not especially fussed what happens to my stuff after I’m dead. I’m childfree so don’t have that level of emotional tie; if I die relatively young then it’s up to DH and my closest friends to decide what happens with it all; if I die old then I aim to have used up most of my house equity, spent my way through my savings, and what remains that some distant nieces or nephews or their children want to squabble over is up to them. I’m not invested in their squabbles.

@DilemmaDelilah fingers crossed for your treatment. I think health scares and major events can prompt some of us into action and make it an insurmountable task for others.

@ComtesseDeSpair yes but men so they passed the problem onto a very sentimental female relative to deal with. It’s highly likely, as other posters have alluded, that she didn’t much care what happened to the jewellery but it would have been much easier to know in advance and save sentimental relative the job. Sentimental relative will keep it safe and it’ll then become someone else’s problem down the line! Hopefully not mine 😬