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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why did I stay?

7 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 09/08/2023 13:15

Can't discuss this with anyone in real life . A friends son who I am very close to (unofficial God parent type thing) has just got engaged to his long term girlfriend. Gorgeous, happy news. They got engaged in Barcelona. All lovely. But my ltr broke up because he didn't want to marry me. He had gone back and for lying to me and promising. He had even told me that he was proposing in Barcelona and booked it, until a week before when he said he had changed his mind and wouldn't be. We didn't end up going to Barcelona as I was too upset but I limped on in that relationship for another 2 years!! After the gut punch of the reminder this morning, it's led me to think why on earth did I stay??? I used to read threads on here where people would say to other posters in a similar circumstance "just ask him" and I would think "no way I could do that, he would say no" and yet I still stayed ! I feel like banging my head on the table at my own lack of self esteem and that I didn't get out sooner.

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 09/08/2023 13:17

Sorry didn't mean for voting and ended that way too early. I guess my Aibu is anyone else had similar and what was I bloody thinking???

OP posts:
ToxicBiennial · 09/08/2023 13:20

I’m not sure I really understand your post! Are you basically venting your frustration at having stayed too long in a past relationship and querying why you didn’t have the self esteem to have left earlier?

crochetmonkey74 · 09/08/2023 13:23

ToxicBiennial · 09/08/2023 13:20

I’m not sure I really understand your post! Are you basically venting your frustration at having stayed too long in a past relationship and querying why you didn’t have the self esteem to have left earlier?

Yeah I guess it was a bit of a ramble!
Exactly what you've said . Probably chose the wrong board too. Should have been I'm relationships maybe

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FarmGirl78 · 09/08/2023 14:03

I'm assuming the relationship you were in was not actually with the friends son? It's not 100% clear....99% clear, but still thought I'd better check!!

Aprilx · 09/08/2023 14:05

I am not quite sure I understand how friends son fits in here either.

But to the rest, well why beat yourself up about it, you made the best decision you could at the time. Be kind to yourself.

Rumplestrumpet · 09/08/2023 14:09

Engagement of Friend's son is just a trigger - it reminded OP of her previous relationship that she stayed in for way too long despite him messing her around.

OP - don't give yourself a hard time, but do take some time to think this over, maybe read some self help books or have some therapy. You obviously had low confidence and out up with too much crap - you need to make sure you don't fall for that again - you deserve better.

crochetmonkey74 · 09/08/2023 14:13

Yeah I have somehow managed to make the world's most confusing post!

Basically, friends son got engaged in the place where I was meant to a few years ago. It led me to consider that previous relationship, how blinkered I was and how I stayed despite being yanked about with future faking and cowardly behaviour (from him)
I just wish I had been stronger then.

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