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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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6 replies

dooberydah · 09/08/2023 06:27

Lovely DH has a career which involves a very varied shift pattern, all long 10 hour days/nights.

To better his chances of promotion he is also volunteering locally, tenuously related to his role, on his days off just to build experience. Usually he gives them one or two days a week but he can choose the times pretty much between 7am and 11pm.

I am really pleased for him that he is so enthusiastic about helping and dedicated to progress. Selfishly thought it’s beginning to impact on me, for no other reason than he wakes usually around 4am to go and makes lots of noise getting ready. This is sometimes the time he wakes up for work (or earlier) and I’d say maybe 7 or 8 out of 10 times I do manage to get back to sleep without issue. Today is not one of those days: I’m now tired and I’ve got work, and I couldn’t sleep until very late last night like after 11pm because I was finishing off some prep for work. Didn’t disturb him when I came to bed though!

I have empathy for it when he’s going to work as that is literally his job, but WIBU to ask him to volunteer a bit later? I’m not sure why it takes two or three hours to get ready - he likes a leisurely start but it’s beginning to impact on my energy levels for my actual job. I don’t think there are any days of the week, maybe one, where I am not disturbed by him getting up or coming to bed.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 09/08/2023 06:32

He needs to sleep separately on those days, and make minimal noise. His volunteering shouldn’t negatively impact you.

dooberydah · 09/08/2023 06:33

DustyLee123 · 09/08/2023 06:32

He needs to sleep separately on those days, and make minimal noise. His volunteering shouldn’t negatively impact you.

We’ve not got the house space annoyingly unless he slept on the sofa

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 09/08/2023 06:35

Sofa it is then. My DH used to get up at silly o’clock to go to car boots at the weekend, he would wake the kids, so then we were all up too. So I made him sleep on the sofa.

dooberydah · 09/08/2023 06:48

DustyLee123 · 09/08/2023 06:35

Sofa it is then. My DH used to get up at silly o’clock to go to car boots at the weekend, he would wake the kids, so then we were all up too. So I made him sleep on the sofa.

Thank you! I just don’t feel as focused and balanced if I’ve not had chance to rest before work

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 09/08/2023 06:49

How long is the volunteering going to go on for ?

Lurkingandlearning · 09/08/2023 08:51

Can’t he get everything he needs for the morning out of your bedroom the night before then quietly leave the bedroom in the morning and get ready elsewhere?

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