to want to live alone with just my dog?

[RedWineRedFace]

That, really. I’m only in my mid 20s, but I’ve given up on ever having friends or a boyfriend. I have severe self esteem issues, and major trust issues due to trauma. I’m overweight, with an unfortunate face and an even worse personality. I make dull look exciting.

I get anxious doing the bare minimum and overthink myself sick. Therapy has never worked, but antidepressants keep me stable enough to hold down a fairly well paying job. Other medical issues leave me too exhausted by the end of the working day to really do anything other than cook dinner.

I’m just so sick of trying and hoping that everything will look up for me, that I’ve started accepting that it likely won’t. All I do is work and spend time with my dog. I’m saving for a house as currently living from home, but being around people is exhausting.

My ideal life would include a husband and children, but unfortunately I don’t think it’s a possibility for me. I’m not very attractive, never been hit on or catcalled. Even as a teenager I was the one who always heard “so who is your friend?” instead of “who are you?”.

So my next best ideal is a small house and a quiet, peaceful life with my dog (and possibly another dog eventually).

Everyone I mention this too thinks it’s just the anxiety and depression talking, and while I totally agree, I just don’t think it’s ever going to change so why bother hoping? No hope = no disappointment right?

AIBU to think that for some people life is just to be lived alone?

That’s a lovely ambition to have and sounds like the opposite of depression talking if you have the motivation to achieve all of that.

You can’t predict the future in terms of relationships and children but you can build a stable home and career. You are very young so who knows what else may follow?

Best of luck.

I think in a way that's a healthy way to look at life. I'm mid 30s now, but I have lived on my own with my dogs since I moved out of my parents house (12 years-ish). I love having my own place and my dogs. I have had long term relationships in that time, but none that made me want to give up my home to move in with someone else.

I also struggle with anxiety and depression, and for me having my own safe place that is 100% mine is hugely important. My dogs get me out of the house every day and it's through them that I have made some excellent friends.

I am currently in a relationship (2.5 years). We have had an (unplanned) baby and still not living together. Likely we will move in together in the future, but not in any rush currently.

Focus on you and what will make you happy. The rest will follow.

Sounds perfect to me. Never let anyone tell you how to live your life.

Yes, I think I'm one of those people that is meant to be alone. I've actually dated a lot but have only connected with two people. Both who cheated and left me - The first time when I was in my 20s and the second in my early 40s. I just gave up after that. I'm not early 50s and I'm just waiting for my DD to be self sufficient and move out on her own. Then I will downsize and live with just my pups.

I don't think it was in the cards for me to have a big family and a husband or a high paying job, so I've given up hope and have decided to just live the rest of my life alone with my dogs.

I always think you should make your life a place that you want to be. Do everything you can to be contented with your lot. If that's a small house and dogs then go for it. And who knows what the future may hold? Your chosen life may very well end up appealing to a special someone out there. There's a saucer for every teacup,

I don’t think you need to make a decision on this or think too much about it one way or the other. Just keep moving towards getting your own place. If you meet someone, well, lives combine easily enough.

I’ve done both marriage and just living with partners, and living alone with dogs. There’s a LOT to be said for living alone with dogs OP.

I’ve had a great day (with dogs). And I’ll have a great one tomorrow. Turn this thought around, be excited about building a future for yourself, and make it happen. Good luck.

Have you considered you might be neurodivergent, OP?

If you wanted to live alone with your dog and this was a positive ambition because you can't stand living with other people, would much prefer to live on your own and really want a house with just you and your dog then I would say go for it.

It does sound a really lovely thing to aim for.

But there is so much in your post that suggests that it isn't really what you want; it's what you feel you should settle for.

You are incredibly negative about both your personality and your looks, and seem to think that nobody would ever be interested in you.

I'm sure that you have plenty of positive points too. There's no guarantee that you will meet the right person but many people think that it's too late, they are too old or ugly or boring etc etc only to find someone later in life who is just right for them.

Don't shut yourself off to the possibility of meeting the right person for you otherwise, they could cross your path and you won't even notice.

It’s crossed my mind. Runs in the family.
I have only ever been diagnosed with Anxiety (social and general), depression, OCD and PTSD.

Anyone who meets me thinks I’m just a ball of energy, always smiling and happy. I don’t struggle IN social situations, but I struggle to find them.

I'm in my mid twenties, a massive introvert and also have suffered many bouts of crippling anxiety and depression. I have found it really hard to keep friends, because I find most people want to hang out with the happy go lucky type. I have eventually found my people, it is a small circle but they are the same as me, and it helps me so much. I think the life you describe good job, living alone, having a dog is a charmed one! But it's not what you want, it is a compromise because you think you aren't good enough. That is bullocks. I don't believe you op, I don't believe that you are not attractive enough for romantic relationship. I promise you potential friends are out there. I think if you were happier in yourself the negative thoughts/self criticism would decrease, your outlook on life would shift, and more relationships and opportunities would naturally come your way. Try therapy again!! Owe it to yourself to try, and it could work with someone new. Also what do you think would give you a self of achievement and boost self esteem? Joining a group like a book club or start hobby? A life coach could help. If you think losing weight could help your mental health look into a weight loss group or personally trainer? I know you said you feel completely spent after work, maybe you could save time by batch cooking and freezing meals, and just try something new for couple hours a week

There’s a LOT to be said for living alone with dogs OP.

^This. I have lived alone with my dogs since DC left home several years ago. I like people (mostly) but enjoy/need time on my own and dogs are great companions. However, you say that your ideal is to have children and a family - I think you are too young to be giving up on your ideal. It may happen or it may not but you should keep an open mind about what your future might bring whilst being secure in the knowledge that living alone with a canine companion can be a complete and happy existence.

I don't think you're being unreasonable for thinking about the different outcomes of living your life, however you are still very young and I can tell you from being nearly three times your age that life invariably does change, whether you want it too or not, and you will meet others who you wouldn't dream of meeting or knowing now. I always had a boyfriend from being 14 and whilst it brought me periodic happiness, two marriages and a child, I was cheated on, verbally and emotionally abused and I now live alone with my two dogs and have never been happier. I will never share my home or life intimately again. Because you are young, you have options regarding children which my generation didn't have. You sound like you have the potential to earn good money, so you could look into adopting or having a child using donor sperm etc. You sound very caring and the world needs people like you. I think many of us are too quick to self criticise and think others look as if they are living the perfect life. They're so often not, they're trapped with husbands or partners who give they really don't like any more but can't afford to be free. Your generation have it especially hard because of the ideals of looks presented on social media. Look around and see how different to that most couples are who are - fat, thin. odd or quirky looking-love holds no bounds and there's someone for everyone , but you have to get out to find them as they aren't doing to come knocking on your door. Also, children often don't turn out how you imagined they would be - you may have nothing in common with them as adults and then they fly the nest, and don't keep in touch, etc.
A dog is always there for you! Good luck and be kinder to yourself!

It's a great ambition OP because the one thing I say to young women is strive for financial independence. Being comfortable in your own company means you won't make stupid relationship compromises.

I could have written your post (except I do have DC), but my lifetime goal is to live on a homestead in a very, very remote place with my dogs and other animals. I would love it if my DC lived close by (one will probably never leave home tbh, they're just as people phobic as I am) but I just don't do other people. I don't trust them and most of them aren't even very likable tbh (I'm sure that I'll get some backlash for that comment, but there, I've said it!).
I've always been the same, had one or two very close friends since childhood that I stuck with. One screwed me over, one died and I just can't find anyone else I feel comfortable enough with to be myself.
Like someone commented above, I may also be neurodivergent (or just the result of a shitty upbringing) and I do have anxiety and depression brought on by... People!
So all that to say, you don't need people around you to be happy. If living alone with dogs is your dream then you go for it! At least with dogs you know exactly where you stand.

Thanks everyone! I do know I’m in the midst of an anxiety flare up, but tbh, I feel like this even when I’m calm. There’s just too many variables, whereas I know with my dog, I get unlimited love, company and safety. My dog isn’t going to cheat on me, or grow up and hate me.

Last night I felt myself at the beginning of a panic attack. My dog was asleep, but woke up, and began licking my hand until I calmed down. The only other living creature who has ever rushed to help me like that was my childhood dog, who passed a few months ago.

I grew up witnessing very dysfunctional family (not mine, but relatives) and romantic relationships (cheating, verbal and emotional abuse, etc). I simply don’t trust people. I don’t even trust my self, or my own capabilities, etc. I know this isn’t going to change as I’ve been trying to “heal” for almost 15 years now, and nothing has worked, so I feel my only option is to carve out some sort of life that is safe.