To think this is a tiny bit odd

[Anaana1]

My brother in law and his girlfriend spend so much time with my PIL.

PIL are nice enough, but I just can't imagine wanting to spend every weekend with them. They are both early 70s and able bodied so no caring element.

Brother in law and gf are around 30. Both have loads of hobbies. Yet we hear most Friday nights they are round there having a takeaway. Then they are out at some social event with them most Saturdays and Sundays. Every single weekend.

Each to their own of course. But we get quite PA comments from them that we aren't doing the same.

Thoughts?

As you say, each to their own - but yes, it's a bit odd to socialise almost exclusively with your parents at the weekend. And they certainly shouldn't be making pass-agg remarks to you about having a less intense relationship with the PILs.

My DP often used to say that, if we weren't related to my parents and they were just our next-door neighbours, they'd be people we'd happily invite over for dinner now and again because we really enjoyed their company. But I still wouldn't have wanted to see my parents every single weekend or spend every Friday night with them having a takeaway. And I'm pretty sure my parents wouldn't have wanted that either! They've got their own friends and their own things to do too.

My SIL and her dh spend a LOT of time with my inlaws.

Like every other day their car is in their drive (they live opposite us) we get on well with ILs too, dh is their only son, but we speak when we see them out in the yard and I pop in now and then.

I think it's because SIL has no kids, FIL has her spoiled, she's 45 and can often be seen trying to sit on his knee, she calls him pet names.. my dd is in her 20s and she can't stand being there when SIL is there.

So yea, maybe it's not as odd as you think? My parents are split, no contact with DF and my mum has capacity anymore, so it's really only his parents we have to visit. (I do visit my mum, very regularly, a number of times a week, she just doesn't know me)

I wouldn't say odd, because that suggests there's something wrong with it and I can't see how that's the case if both couples appear perfectly happy with the arrangement, and the younger couple also have their own separate hobbies and friends so no suggestion they are too dependent/unable to form other connections.

Perhaps fairly unusual/out of the norm for your 'average' 30 year old couple, yes and completely normal for you and your DP to not want to do the same, but calling them odd seems a bit mean.

Some people spend all their free time with their extended families, some with their friends, some prioritise their romantic partners or own immediate family, some go out or stay in completely alone, we're all different!

Why is it odd that some people like to spend time with their families? I despair of this site sometimes. No wonder there's so much falling out between family members. You do what you want to and leave others to do what they want to. Maybe you could join them occasionally, and have a bigger family get together.

It's not odd but the PA comments aren't on

It's like this in my husbands family. My brother and sister in laws spend every weekend with them just sat round their house and every holiday is the same holiday just sat round another house that they've rented for the week.
If they're happy I see no harm but it is an issue between my husband and I because he doesn't understand why i don't want to do the same.
We visit them once a week and maybe spend an evening there once a month and that's enough for me.

It's not odd. There's nothing wrong or odd about wanting to spend lots of time with family, nor is it odd if you don't particularly want to, every family is different and every family member is also going to have different wants and needs when it comes to spending time together.

However, we see my in laws most weeks, both weekdays and weekends and occasionally go on days out/holidays with them too. They are a massive part of our lives and although they too are in their 70s and don't have any health concerns right now...they may well do in the coming years and we want to let them know that we are there for them, like they have been there for us. They have 2 other kids besides my DH and I have frequently made (direct, not passive) comments to them about how little they see them as I know it upsets my in laws that they don't see them anywhere near enough as they'd like. Perhaps this is the case here? Perhaps your in-laws have mentioned or insinuated that they are sad they don't get to see you more? Maybe they are spending extra time with them to over compensate for your lack of time?