… to ask you to help me properly focus / switch off?

[Switchingoff]

In a few weeks time I am going away on holiday alone and I would really love to use that time to learn to switch off properly in the hope that I can transfer some of that to my day-to-day life when I get home. I will just be going to a hotel mostly to lie by the pool and relax.

The problem: my head feels like a mess, and I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I really struggle in my day-to-day life to focus on one thing. This has definitely got worse recently - my memory is awful and my concentration is shot which is increasingly affecting my work. It is no doubt connected to the fact that in the last few years I’ve got worse and worse at disconnecting from my phone. It’s a real problem and I feel almost lost / anxious without it. I can’t even watch TV without fiddling on my phone at the same time. I’ve tried to put it away etc but I just end up going back to it as I have no self control / discipline in general. Whatever I feel like in that moment always wins even if I rationally know something is good for me / I will feel better for it. I know people who happily do digital detoxes but I can’t even imagine going a few hours without my phone.

I am diagnosed dyslexic but suspect that there is more – probably ADHD and what used to be known as Asperger’s. I also have a chronic health condition which affects my day-to-day life and some childhood trauma, and recently had to cut someone out of my life who I loved very much which I am struggling with too. So I guess there is an extent to which I also don’t really enjoy being alone with my thoughts and fiddling on my phone etc is a distraction

I don’t have many friends and generally find life quite difficult, but I know I don’t help myself either. I guess what I am asking is, how can I make some changes and use this holiday as a catalyst to do so? It needs to be baby steps and things that I can stick to, and hopefully immediately see the benefit of. I’ve tried things like meditation and just really struggle.

Please help! NC for this we have friends and family on here who don’t know some of the details about my life and could be outing.

…nobody? 😢

Can you set yourself a limit, no phone for 15 min , then 20 min . And the same for using it . Slowly increasing time without it and time using

You could try leaving your phone in your hotel room while you go down to the pool for a couple of hours. Take a book with you, treat yourself to a nice cold drink (doesn't have to be alcohol) make sure you have some nice toiletries. It doesn't have to be a massive overhaul just small changes.

Thanks. Those feel like big steps already but I’ll try! Any more suggestions welcome

I found that it’s not necessarily being addicted to my phone but actually the sensory stimulation that my phone provides! I watched a whole hour of a TV show without checking my phone by fiddling with sensory tools/toys. I have 2 keychains that have little pop its, clickers, soft toys etc and rotating between them was enough for me to keep my concentration. I also suspect neurodivergence in myself so just sharing in case this helps!

Thanks! That is helpful… in fact I did try one of those popit things in front of the telly but it wasn’t really enough plus it annoyed my housemate 🤣 tempted to try knitting or something but I think messing up would really annoy me and also (in general, not on this hol) have a dog who would prob try to steal it 🙄

I know you mentioned meditation, but have you tried yoga before? I find the shorter Youtube beginners videos by Yoga with Adrienne quite relaxing.

You could try keeping a brain dump journal: How To Manage Worries With A Brain Dump Journal (mindfulnessbox.com)

As someone who is a constant worrier and fidgeter, you have my sympathy, I often find myself wishing I had an off switch!

Thanks! Yeah, I started the 30 days with Adriene in Covid times but surprise surprise only got about half way through the series 🙄 I have no staying power! And I think it’s worse now. Maybe I literally need to start with a 5 min video and maybe not even do the whole thing