Because every other family member thinks I’m UR.
Both my cousin and I are single parents. She has 2 DC and I have 1.
She tried to prevent her Ex having contact, accused him of all sorts in court, all proven to be lies. CAO in place for them, shared residency, but as he lives an hour away from her, he has them every other weekend Friday after school until Sunday evening and 50% of the holidays running Friday to Friday.
He attends all parents evenings, all school shows and concerts, pays for them to each do an out of school activity on top of above CMS maintenance – the girl does dance and he pays for all the extras for that; costumes, leotards etc. He even buys my cousins ticket to the shows. He pays enough maintenance that she doesn’t have to work at all, she tells me this and just does a bit of hairdressing on the side about 4 times a year (she has 1 or 2 clients and isn’t taking on new ones she sees them maybe every 12-18 weeks each that’s it)
She does everything she can to stop him seeing them. Everythings a drama, they have a slight sniffle “oh Toms* to sick to go and Sophie won’t go without her brother so I’ll keep them with me this weekend” makes a big drama about them going, has a special tea on Thursday night before they go, cries with them, saying they don’t want to go counts down to when she sees them again etc. They’re 12 and 10 both have phones, they both ring her every night they’re away. She will also take photos off her Ex’s Social Media and claims “they’re not happy can you tell they’re unhappy, they didn’t want to go”. She literally does everything to ignore them, and claims her ex is this horrible man who never wanted DC (well even if that’s true he’s clearly stepped up now), also often claims their too young for 50/50 in the holidays.
She’s been known to try and invite herself on their holidays with their dad, and gets upset if the boy (12yo) decides to go to his dads early or stay an extra night in the holidays – claims the dad is poisoning the kids against her.
She’s also taken him back to court 4 times over the years wanting to reduce contact and each time the judge has stuck to whats planned.
Now I’m not saying it’s all fun and games while they’re away or that they don’t miss their mum – my own DD (aged 9) always pushes against going to her dads, and my Ex doesn’t even have half the amount of time with DD in our CAO – once a month for 2 nights that’s it. But I am jolly about it, yes I miss her when she’s away, but I know she’s safe, happy and will be having a whale of a time with her cousins and grandparents. She hates change over day but is fine once there and doesn’t want to come home again but I don’t think she’s being poisoned against me I just think she’s having fun and doesn’t want to leave.
I have spoken to these children a number of times and they love going to their dads, they don’t like change over day but once there and settled they’re happy. They have a step mum and a stepsister who they both like, the boy claims that the SM is a good cook and always makes the vegetables they’ll eat etc. They’ve been in this set up since they where 6 and 4 so it’s nothing new.
This came about because cousin posted on Facebook yet again on Thursday that her kids where clingy and crying about going to their dads and how they’re to young to go away for 2 weeks especially as dads taking them abroad. I commented that how is it any different to her taking them abroad for 2-3 weeks at a time away from their dad, does he not miss them and I’m sure they’ll be fine once there. I also said it’s part of not being with your childrens other parent, and while it’s sad to be separated neither parent owns the children and both have a right to regular contact.
I’m not being told by other family members it was uncalled for, the kids are clearly unhappy but won’t voice it and she’s trying to reduce contact via the courts again. Apparently I don’t understand as I don’t love my DD in the same way she loves her DC, and I wouldn’t be ok with this level of contact if I did – this is because I’d happily let DD go EOWend to her dads and for 1-2 weeks in the holidays but he doesn’t want more than he has – but apparently that means I don’t love my DD at all. I'd understand if I loved her and didn't want to be away from her at all.
For added context cousins Ex cheated on her which is again sad but she’s taking her hurt out on the DC, the dad isn’t with OW he’s with another woman who seems decent. The DC like going to their dads as I said and say they do see him without their SM or SS.
I stand by what I said, it’s cruel to keep trying to make out the kids are unhappy, they clearly aren’t. Like I said it’s natural to miss each other but being dramatic and crying over it does no-one any good.
AIBU?
*not real names