My husband and I have been discussing whether another child is right for us recently.
We share one child together and he has one other child with his ex.
I am leaning towards wanting another and I think he is leaning towards not. That's okay, that's not the issue. There have been no fiery arguments or anything, just a couple of discussions weighing up whether it's right for us. Ultimately if it isn't right for him I will accept that.
However, one thing that's really been bugging me when we talk is that he always insists that being a stepmum to his child is 'basically like having two anyway' and I don't know whether it's irrational or not but it really gets my back up. I've tried to explain to him that no it isn't, remotely. But he doesn't seem to understand and things I'm just being cruel or rejecting his child.
For context, my stepchild has a very involved mother, and my husband and their mum share 50 50 custody of her. She's a lovely girl but I do not feel like a parent to her, I don't feel love like a parent (in fact admittedly I don't feel love at all really although I do like her a lot) and I feel like it's absolutely nothing like being her parent. I am rarely needed in that way, which is fine - she has a mum who is not me of course but it bugs me that my husband uses this during these discussions as something I should be grateful for and a reason why I shouldn't feel a need or desire to have another child of my own.
Am I just being terribly unfeeling or am I right that step parenting (certain circumstances aside) is not like having another child of your own and ask him to stop saying it!
I fully appreciate that in terms of finances, housing etc.. it is in the sense that its another child of the family, but emotionally, I feel like it's nothing at all like having a child of your own and wish he'd just respect that, not that he needs to agree to another child because of it but stop referring to his daughter as 'like having a second child' for me.