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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be offended that 2 out of 3 bil have declined to be ushers at my wedding?

41 replies

PanicPants · 27/02/2008 21:12

Well, unreasonable or not I am offended and hurt.

I guess that's familys for you [bitter emoticon]

Dp thinks that I should just let it go, which I will do of course, but I'm still a bit hurt.

Thought I'd come on here and have a moan because I have to act as if I understand perfectly in rl!

OP posts:

Chequers · 28/02/2008 09:51

Message withdrawn

Original poster

PanicPants · 02/03/2008 20:31

Ok, following on from 'our' usher problem, a quick question:

Can you have female ushers?

OP posts:

motherinferior · 02/03/2008 20:32

Usherettes?

Original poster

PanicPants · 02/03/2008 20:34

I'm loving usherette!!!

I'm thinking epilettes and fringes

OP posts:

theBOD · 03/03/2008 13:04

i think that's fair enough. you asked politely they refused politely.
they would have resented feeling put upon to do something they really didn't want to, and you would have ended up resenting them as after a while their lack of enthusiasm probably would have becme obvious and only caused further stress.
better they were honest from the start imo.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/03/2008 13:09

Of course you can have female ushers. SIL was an usher for us.

We didn't do 'sides' though, because DH's family is mahoosive and mine isn't, which could have looked bad for me .

madamez · 03/03/2008 13:12

You can have whatever you want in terms of male/female: it's your wedding. What you can;t have is the right to force compliance out of other people who don't want to play.

EffiePerine · 03/03/2008 13:14

Could you do a big sign instead? Bride's friends THIS way, Groom's friends THIS way, big arrow to hymnbooks in the middle

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 13:19

Can I just say that I am utterly sick of my dp being best man/ usher etc at people's weddings.......

for the simple reason that nowadays, tradition seems to have gone out of the window and we are always expected to foot the bill for the suit hire etc as well, which then means a new pair of shoes and you usually have to buy the shirt too. There were 4-5 weddings last year that dp had a 'part' in and each one added about £100-150 to the cost of going to the wedding... we really struggled to pay for it all to be honest.

PortAndLemon · 03/03/2008 13:20

We had a couple of female ushers, no problem (if you are having the kind of wedding where you have ushers in matching suits, we had the female ushers in plain black trouser suits and hired them waistcoats and cravats that matched what the men were wearing).

You didn't ask them because you desperately wanted them to be ushers, just because it seemed like the right thing to do, so I think you should be relieved rather than offended -- you've made your mother happy by asking them but now can have someone else you're closer too instead.

At least you don't have a brother who specifically asked you if he could be an usher and then backed out of even coming to your wedding a few weeks beforehand.

bitofadramaqueen · 03/03/2008 13:23

Of course you can have usherettes!

Your BIL's are maybe friends of my brother - he got a lengthy email outlining his usher duties and a 'walk-through' the day before. (In my defence, we were getting married abroad so he had to get people around a strange city and make sure everyone knew where they were going).

Dont stress about your ushers - just get some who will do what you need them to. I've been at a few weddings where the ushers were truly awful - no space kept at the front for the parents of the happy couple/bridesmaids, disappeared when elderly relatives needed someone to help them to their seats...

TheFallenMadonna · 03/03/2008 13:24

My SIL wore normal clothes.

And I do think that if you are asking people to dress up in specific outfits you should pay for them TBH.

GryffinGirl · 03/03/2008 13:30

oh I love a good wedding thread!

it is an honour to be asked to be an usher/bridesmaid, but frankly you have a far better time as a plain old guest

At least the OP asked her BILs to be ushers in good time. DH was asked by his brother three days before, which would have been fine if it had been standing at the door going "bride or groom?" and pointing left and right. But it involved moving massive flower arrangements from church to reception, going for dress suit fittings, paying for his own tail coat, collecting the cake the day before, driving the bridesmaids, organising photographer, picking up orders of service from the printers [insert massive list of chores which was emailed along with the request]etc. We lived 200 miles away and didn't own a car, so it was a teeeensy bit tricky!

Ineedacleaner · 03/03/2008 13:30

I hate planning weddings. DH (well dp really) and I are getting officially married this year we have used the same name for a while now, call each other DH/DW everyone looks at us as married we have just missed out on the party
I am not going to have ushers at all, I am not that bothered where anybody sits as long as they are all sat down before I get there(I will be sharp hate lateness lol)

Anf for those of you that like a good wedding bun fight have a scan at a wedding website (won't name it but you know the coloured paper shapes you chuck over the happy couple) there is, almost daily, a good fight or 2.

Original poster

PanicPants · 03/03/2008 19:51

Loving how much everyone loves these wedding threads, and how much trouble weddings cause generally.

Really wish we'd just got married abroad!

Anyway, chin up, onwards and upwards, [more gin and tonic all around] and female usherettes it is

OP posts:

LittleBella · 03/03/2008 20:13

pmsl of course you're being unreasonable, but you already know that, don't you?

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