To want to move back?

[MiMouse]

A little background:

DH, DD and I moved to a small town nine months ago. It's a friendly town, some shops, good schools. Previously, we lived in the centre of a big city (not London, but almost equally expensive). We had a flat there in a nice area. Unfortunately, the flat was getting small, with DD growing up and us working from home more often, and we couldn't afford anything bigger anywhere near our old neighbourhood. So we bought a semi-detached house here, and have lived here ever since.

And I regret it.

Yes, we have more space, but it's just not what I thought it would be. We used to live at the corner of a lovely park, and because no one around there had a garden, I met lots of other parents there every day, and DD always had other kids to play with. Here the streets are empty. No traffic, but also no kids playing outside. As a result, we're actually spending less time outdoors than we used to (DD gets bored in the garden by herself). There are also far fewer activities around, and on rainy days it feels like there is nothing much to do. We used to just walk to a museum, or a cafe, or an indoor playground. Now everything is a bit of a drive. And people here are friendly, but not very outgoing. It's all families with two working parents around here. Nothing wrong with that, that's us too, but I miss the diversity and having people around who are up for randomly grabbing a coffee: the stay at home mums, the PhD students, the international community.

I feel I was talked into this by my parents and friends who are of the opinion that "kids deserve a garden" and "a small flat is not a family home". When I had doubts about leaving the city, they assured me I'd enjoy the space, that life would be so much easier with a garden, that everything would be better etc. Unfortunately I feel like I've been led by some middle class fantasy instead of going with my gut.

The move was really stressful, and we did a lot of the work ourselves, but lately I find myself looking at listings in our old neighbourhood and dreaming about moving back. I just don't dare to bring it up, because I was the one who wanted us to move in the first place (DH is the type who is basically happy anywhere). AIBU?

I made the same mistake, I miss my old city so much. We were always busy with friends, museum trips, events. I've moved to the suburbs of a small town and sometimes when I step outside with my small colourful child I feel like I'm living in a post apocalyptic distopian world where everything is silent and grey. I realise that sounds dramatic, it's just to express that what you feel about a place might be radically different to what other people feel about it.

In our case we've moved about 250 miles and we're over a year in, there is no realistic possibility of return. I have found that making friends and trying to integrate into the community so you care a bit about the little goingons has helped, if only a little..

YABU

Talk to your DH! Just tell him how you feel, including the feeling of pressure and shame and judgement, and that you feel foolish because the move was your idea. See where the conversation leads.

I’m going through the exact same thing right now. We just moved from a city, where we’d lived for 15 years, out to a Cotswolds village. We’ve been here a month and have both said we’re not sure at all this was the right move at all!

The garden thing… I mean… the weather has been shit, but even on good days, we’re finding having a garden weird! Sitting outside… for what? To stare at the fence? Currently we’re not sure what all the fuss is about. 😂

I’d move back to the city tomorrow if we can find a suitable place we can afford. We’re giving it a year then deciding.

Let us know how it goes OP?

I meant to say YANBU 😂