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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Concert Tickets for daughters friends

65 replies

Swiftie1989 · 07/08/2023 16:17

Am I being unreasonable? In the bundle to purchase tickets for a certain American Female Country/Pop star for her UK tour next year I was able to obtain two tickets but had the option to purchase four. Later my daughter told me her friend had screwed up their presale code and failed to get their two tickets. There were tears to say the least.

I was able to use my last two options and was able to get them two tickets but no money has changed hands. I have just told them we have bought extra tickets that they can have them at cost price. These tickets were £75 each and on the last closing night of the tour (which turns out to be "the night" to go). At the moment it isn't possible to hand the tickets over as the app has locked out the friends and family transfer option until the week of the concert to stamp out ticket touts. In addition to that this is already a sell out tour with resale tickets going for hundreds of £££s.

Since then the "leader" of my daughters friendship group has cut off my daughter and this has stopped the other friend we secured tickets for from communicating with my daughter. They are still talking but only if my daughter initiates the conversation and this is now very rare. We also can see from socials that the group have been going out over the holiday and leaving daughter out of it. From what I can see it all stems from my daughter sitting with the wrong person at a screening at the cinema (which has left me puzzled and feeling the whole thing is daft).

I know the friend who wanted the tickets was in tears when they failed to get their own, but I am so furious about the situation. I am thinking we should just use the extra tickets we bought for ourselves as each night of the tour is a unique experience and our tickets are in June so light nights and the others are in August so darker nights. The dark night shows will have a more spectacular light show and fireworks. Also our tickets were expensive and seated near the front and the second set were cheaper and high up in the stadium, so the different views will also be a different experience.

I think I know the best policy is to just sit on them and see what the situation is next year but I am interested to see what other people think.

Should I take the moral high ground and hand the tickets over once the app allows and once they paid for them as agreed or say no way, you broke my daughter heart by ignoring her over the holiday period so if they want tickets they can go and buy them from a ticket tout for 5 times the face value.

I would never dream of selling them to anyone else as we are massive fans so two trips to the same gig would be massive for us - a real once in lifetime experience. We also had our tickets for a Hyde Park gig cancelled because of Covid in 2020 so this trip is massive for us as long time fans and we are so happy to have tickets for even one show.

Obviously if this all blows over the situation changes so I am only looking at this from the perspective that their friendship is really at an end.

OP posts:

Unicorn2022 · 07/08/2023 17:29

I'm taking my DD in June and August - June standing tickets and August seated. No way would I hand over those tickets to anyone else.

SpottyWindow · 07/08/2023 17:34

Of course the ‘friends’ don’t get the tickets any more. I would have zero guilt in reneging on the offer.

WellDuh · 07/08/2023 17:34

Meeting · 07/08/2023 16:41

Tell them you've changed your mind and no longer have spare tickets. Sounds like you want to go twice anyway.

☝🏻 I'd do exactly this! Keep the tickets, go twice!

jeaux90 · 07/08/2023 17:37

I wish I'd bought more Harry styles tickets, we did the last night at Wembley which is phenomenal but I wish I'd gone twice with DD and done standing too.

I'd keep them, intend to use yourselves and of anything changes in the friendship group then fine.

Honestly though I think it's good to set an example to your DD, not to give them the tickets.

Charlize43 · 07/08/2023 17:41

You could tell your daughter's friends that you've had an offer of £300 per ticket on viagogo but could let them have them for £150 each.

This could be a wonderful opportunity to teach your daughter about mark-up and profit margins and about inflated value. Imply that the performer is your once removed cousin and that you are looking forward to catching up. Try saying it with an American accent.

Bandyarsia · 07/08/2023 17:42

Nope, not a hope I would be giving them the tickets, sure they are not even paid for. Go twice OP.

Floppyelf · 07/08/2023 17:45

Who cares about the moral high ground. It doesn’t exist. they have treated your daughter appalingly. Let them learn. Make sure you document you and your daughter enjoying the tickets on the night!!! I would! If they send any malicious messages. Report them to the police for malicious communications

Original poster

Swiftie1989 · 07/08/2023 17:53

takealettermsjones · 07/08/2023 16:38

If you don't need to decide now, then I'd wait and then let your daughter decide. (How old is she?)

Thank you all for your replies.

Sorry to add context my daughter is 16 (17 in September) and her friends are all older and between 17 and 18. The reason they know each other is simply because my daughter left mainstream school because of heath problems and sat/studied her exams at college in smaller classes. But that's a whole other story. And just to also confirm, this group has been really close for the past year so this is all a shock to us (and a little bit frustrating given some of the group are 18 years old)

I think its lucky the ticket agent has disabled the friend and family transfer for now. I actually can't do anything and this gives me time to watch how the situation unfolds.

But then I am too soft and would never want to pull tickets out from underneath someone weeks before the gig no matter who they are. But then again they have been going out to events this summer without my daughter. They should have gone to a event for the weekend just past but she was left at home and we had to deal with the tears.

But then again by summer 2024 she might have new friends and might want to go with them. Blimey she might also be in a relationship with someone and might want to take them. Oh my gosh, so many different things could happen and so many variations spinning around my head.😵

I wonder if there is a TayTay song about this....

OP posts:

Littlebluebird123 · 07/08/2023 17:54

Having been through a very similar situation recently with my DD. I discussed with her. Ultimately I said I'd let her lead the direction after I laid out the options. She wanted to still go with her friends as she said the fallout would be worse. For me, that's really hard as I want her to take a stand but we all have to face these things at some point. She knew she'd have one actual friend there so not a disaster if they continue to ignore her.

Thankfully I hadn't paid for the tickets, I merely agreed to drive. I bought tickets for DD and her friend who paid me,( tickets have to be bought in pairs. )The one who chose to ignore her was left to buy her own ticket with the 'friend' who was enabling the ignoring. IE, if the rude one decides to mess things up it's only her and the enabler she's actually screwing over! Left my daughter in the position of being the one who has done nothing wrong as the offer to go is still there. I'm just not going out of my way to support them.

Anyway, my point being that as they are ignoring her, it's their own fault if they don't get the tickets. I'd lay it all out for DD so she knows why you're taking this position or you risk her feeling like you've ruined the friendship.

I'd wager that if she doesn't continue to make contact or offer the tickets that they are likely to come back crawling to get the tickets and ditch her. If she is happy to be used like that then I guess that's her decision. However, I would be pointing out that she gets to go twice and they've lost out by choosing a nasty person and they're likely to do that again. This probably isn't a friendship worthy of saving.

Pirsty · 07/08/2023 18:09

I thought you were going to say the kids are 11 or 12! What immature behaviour for 18! Unless they have made up by next year with a solid friendship (not just being nice to get the tickets) the friend wouldn’t be getting the tickets I’d bought. I can imagine that the ringleader friend might feel like they’d got one over on your dd if the group’s behaviour was rewarded and that makes me feel awful for her

Livelovebehappy · 07/08/2023 18:09

Teen friendships amongst girls are brutal. These girls will absolutely be aware that they need to keep your daughter sweet to get access to these tickets. Be prepared for their awful behaviour to continue for a bit longer, with the bullies then making up with your dd well before next year’s tour. It will then be someone else’s turn in the group to be ostracised. That’s how these friendship groups roll unfortunately. I was so glad when my daughter was out of high school.

Emmacb82 · 07/08/2023 18:16

I honestly don’t think you should wait for a year and then decide. I think you should just be upfront now and say the tickets are unfortunately not for sale any longer. Gives them many more options instead of being let down at the last minute. You’ve said yourself that you would love to go twice so why not keep the tickets and treat your dd rather than wait and see if they are friends again next year? For all you know they will end up either pressurising your dd or faking a friendship to get the tickets. You can avoid a lot of hurt on all sides if you just keep them.

Firawla · 07/08/2023 18:19

If they are no longer friends I wouldn’t give them the tickets. Just sit on them and make a decision near the time but the idea of going yourselves twice seems great to me. £75 is such a good price too!!!

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/08/2023 18:21

I don't know why your daughter hasn't stood up to this or why they aren't all over her given she's their gateway to tickets. She should say something

midnightrecovery · 07/08/2023 18:22

No way in hell would I give them the tickets. Even if they do become friends again. Don’t be a doormat. Go twice.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/08/2023 18:23

18?!!

midnightrecovery · 07/08/2023 18:23

Your daughter can ’blame’ you if she needs to. They are your tickets and you decide.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/08/2023 18:24

Good grief, I remember a similar argument a few years ago with tickets for my sister. Someone messed up so I sorted it and got tickets for everyone, they just had to pay for them. They started treating my sister like crap. You better believe I sold those tickets on. They were told the morning of the sold out gig.

To this day, I can't believe that A. How they treated someone who helped them and B. That I'd still let them have the tickets.

dahliadazed · 07/08/2023 18:24

Will they be in college together by the time the concerts are?
Given the way they have treated your DD I would go twice but I do think it will be easier to do if DD won’t have to return to college with them in September 2024.

CornishGem1975 · 07/08/2023 18:30

Nope, not a chance.

Acheyknees · 07/08/2023 18:31

Surely you don't need to do anything? I would not say a word to them and let them approach you/DD?
If they do ask you or DD, I'd enjoy making them uncomfortable.
If they don't ask, use the tickets yourself.

IhearyouClemFandango · 07/08/2023 18:50

I would leave it a month or two then decide. See how the land lies. Still gives them time to try to track down others

Shurleyknot · 07/08/2023 19:01

You paid for the tickets, they are yours to do what you want with and I would not give them little wagons the satisfaction.

HauntedPencil · 07/08/2023 19:03

I wouldn't feel obliged to give them either - if they haven't paid yet.

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 07/08/2023 19:06

booktokbear · 07/08/2023 16:48

Go and enjoy two shows with your DD op.

Bullies need to learn that actions have consequences.

This with bells on.

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