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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it rude

13 replies

taratatata · 07/08/2023 09:22

To not RSVP to a wedding invite on time, so one of the couple sends a polite but short message to say ‘hello, hope you’re well - just checking you got the invite through the post?’
And they respond yes, we did, but we can’t make it? Why would you not just text to decline?

OP posts:

Fairyliz · 07/08/2023 09:25

Yes very rude. If they couldn’t make it they should have sent a sorry we can’t attend message.
Unfortunately manners seem to have gone out of the window.

Original poster

taratatata · 07/08/2023 09:29

Fairyliz · 07/08/2023 09:25

Yes very rude. If they couldn’t make it they should have sent a sorry we can’t attend message.
Unfortunately manners seem to have gone out of the window.

I thought this, why wait to be prompted?

OP posts:

HaIIie · 07/08/2023 09:31

Yes its rude but sadly so many people are like this! It's just part of the planning unfortunately.

DaisyAndDonaldDuck · 07/08/2023 09:32

It could be that you sent the wedding invitation so far in advance that they put it to one side and forgot about it. Easily done 🤷‍♀️

MoonLion · 07/08/2023 09:33

It's a bit rude, but not nearly as bad as someone who accepts and then doesn't turn up on the day and doesn't give a good (or any) reason - we had one of those!

BitOutOfPractice · 07/08/2023 09:34

Yes it’s rude. Probably not intentional. But that doesn’t make it not rude.

JenniferBarkley · 07/08/2023 09:37

It's a bit rude, but understandable - people are busy, and a wedding they can't actually attend will quickly fall out of their heads. The sort of job that I either do immediately or constantly forget about for months.

Not worth agonising over, they can't make it, others can, get on with life.

tescocreditcard · 07/08/2023 09:37

Yes it's rude.

In my experience whether or not people are rude depends on how they are raised. Some people are dragged up and don't know any better.

Are rude people the sort you want at your wedding anyway?

ManateeFair · 07/08/2023 10:48

It's rude (at least careless) not to RSVP to a wedding invitation, whether you can attend or not. Did they apologise for not getting back to you?

I forgot to reply to my niece's wedding invitation (a careless mistake on my part and totally my fault; we'd discussed her wedding when we got the save-the-date thing and I forgot I hadn't actually confirmed with her that we were coming, my bad) and I apologised profusely for forgetting. I'd have apologised even more profusely if I had not only forgotten but also couldn't come!

BitOutOfPractice · 07/08/2023 10:52

Just because it’s easy to forget, and understandable, doesn’t mean it’s not rude. Or only a “bit rude” though. It’s really rude.

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 07/08/2023 10:54

Yeah that's really fucking rude.

Worse than that, we had someone rock up to the wedding but ditch the breakfast.

so there were two empty seats that we had paid for and could have filled very easily with friends were unable to invite because there were such limited spaces.

in still annoyed about that nearly 10 years on

floribunda18 · 07/08/2023 10:55

Yes, they should have responded, but people don't always take note of the reply by date, particularly if they aren't going to go at all.

You've done the right thing to prompt a reply, now move on.

Dixiechickonhols · 07/08/2023 10:57

It’s rude. But people have busy lives and stuff gets overlooked. The weddings is most important thing to marrying couple but number 30 on to do list got invited people.
They perhaps intended to phone or see in person to decline rather than text and forgot.

Flip