Page 2 | Can you live a full life without romantic love?

ForestGoblin · 2023-08-06T23:28:16+00:00

I'm not sure I could and it scares me because most of us will end up without it eventually, one way or another. Tell me tales of your fulfilment through other more sensible things.

aperolspriitz · 07/08/2023 07:25

I do agree that yes, of course, you can live a fulfilling life without romantic love and many, many people do.

But I also totally understand you OP.

If you are in a fulfilling relationship/ marriage, then it can be very difficult and even scary to imagine what life might be like without that comfort.

My tip would be try not to worry too much about it because if/ when that time does come, you will surprise yourself with how you adapt.

Live your fullest life and also surround yourself with friends and other types of companionship so that you always have a good support network outside of your romantic relationships.

YewandOak · 07/08/2023 07:39

Of course you can. I've been single for 10 years now. I'm happier and have a better and more fulfilled life than when I was married. No having to consider the other person or have to be around for them.

I can be as busy or as lazy as I like.I can (and have) redecorated the whole house to MY liking,bought the bed aand bedding I wanted,eat what and when I like.

I have love from my family,affection/love from my friends so I'm not ''missing out''

megacat · 07/08/2023 07:49

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/08/2023 06:25

God yes. In fact I think romantic love holds us back from achieving our full potential in so many ways. You spend so much time running around worrying about someone else's "needs" and trying to please them you don't think at all about your own fufilment.

When I look back at my own "romantic" life I realise most of it was a hormonal mess: me convincing myself I needed some undeserving no mark to satisfy my "romantic" needs just because I wanted to have sex with them.

One of the good things about the menopause (and by God there's not many) is you suddenly wake up and realise what an utter waste of time it is running around trying to make men happy. I want to spend however many years I have left thinking about myself and my child and not being derailed by men.

@Thepeopleversuswork I resonate with this so much. I cringe looking back at the idiots I wasted time trying to please. Now I'm menopausal and couldn't give a toss about men!

UglyNameChange · 07/08/2023 07:57

Is it easier to say if you have a partner/choices and options /had had love and relationship at some point?

I’m absolutely not doubting everyone so confidently saying you can.
It’s just that I’ve read every book, find other things to do and still after decades, still feels like something great is missing.
Like whatever I do, it doesn’t really get easier.
I mean vast majority of people want, are or trying (again!) to get into a relationship.
So it has to be big, right?

Sorry op, didn’t mean to steal your thread.

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/08/2023 07:59

@megacat

I cringe looking back at the idiots I wasted time trying to please.

It's amazing isn't it? The anguish, the energy, the self-denial and self-modification etc that goes into basically trying to make yourself into the object of someone's sexual affection. I literally have wasted decades of my life pursuing sex "romantic love" with nothing to show for it other than damaged self-esteem and less money than I would have had if I'd just ploughed my own furrow.

I would honestly have been far better off having indiscriminate sex for pleasure and in order to get pregnant and raising my children with no interference and not worrying at all about "romance" or "compatibility" or any of this guff. And if I didn't think it was so socially unacceptable that's what I'd be urging my daughter to do when she's old enough. I just hope she turns out to be a lesbian. I think now a lot of the prejudice is in retreat they have far better outcomes.

When you realise how badly women are brainwashed its deeply shocking.

funinthesun19 · 07/08/2023 08:02

I’ve been single for almost 4 years now, and I really can’t be arsed with being in a relationship, even if it is a lovely romantic one.

At the end of the day it’s still effort I’d need to make a person I’d have to keep happy. At this moment in time the thought of romance just feels very meh. That might change in time, but right now I’m just enjoying being on my own.

And if I never find anyone, there will still be lots of things in life to find happiness in. I’m quite happy to do life on my own.

Lampan · 07/08/2023 08:09

Of course you can. Finding peace and happiness with yourself and friends and family is one of the best things you (anybody) can do for yourself.
Don’t be dependent on someone else for your happiness.
I know it’s not really your point, but do you think everyone in a relationship has romantic love? Or even love at all in some cases?

Marwoodsbigbreak · 07/08/2023 08:15

I have been single for ten years and they’re probably the happiest of my life (aside from the baby years)

Romantic love is just hormones rushing through your body. I also look back and absolutely cringe at my behaviour in romantic relationships. And the pain!!!

It honestly is such a relief not to bother and just focus on myself and my adult DC.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 07/08/2023 08:23

I love DH.

But I would argue strenuously that a life with just romance and no independence is worse than the converse. I have bungee jumped, played games on a beach at midnight on Zanzibar, facilitated a group of indigenous people in the Americas, saved lives, all while DH either wasn't in my life or was elsewhere.

We've been sold a lie, that the pinnacle of female existence is passively being loved. Cobblers to that.

Amen. Also... I'm not a romantic person (neither is dh) and I think that a lot of what is said about, or done in the name of or in the pursuit of romantic love is bullshit or actually harmful. Although I love dh, most of what drove me to seek out a partner was the desire for companionship and the drive to have children, not a desire for romance or even sex particularly!

Alialio · 07/08/2023 08:31

I'm so sorry to read your comment. This sounds like a super-harsh way to feel in life. X for my tuppence you absolutely CAN lead a fulfilled, happy life as a single person, but that must be easier a few relationships down the line. My ex/daughters dad leaving a year ago was his choice, not mine, but a year on I'm loving single life, I go to bed with a deep feeling of gratitude that I'm not being harassed into sex I have no interest in, that I run my life, my home, and my body and time are mine to do what I will with. I have meaningful loving friendships that collectively give me waaaay more than any partner ever did, and ask way less in return. Also i get to be a mama and experience all that deep love. If noone ever fancies me again and I never have another partner that seems like somewhere between neutral and positive. I can see/ hear how single friends that haven't had long relationships are feeling "what's wrong with me" or that they are missing important life experiences, though and I see that that's hard. But also we can't all have all the life experiences. I fucked my career many times over to prioritise romantic love and later.babymaking, and I feel less-than around more driven career folk and financially successful friends... I think life takes up in one direction and we always wonder about the others. I think a good relationship is a wonderfully fulfilling thing, but as far as I can see, most aren't, really, and most "good" relationships have a shelf life too, imo.

Jobsharenightmare · 07/08/2023 08:31

I believe you can, but my happiest and most fulfilled years were when my lovely husband was in my life.

readbooksdrinktea · 07/08/2023 08:37

Ragwort · 07/08/2023 05:14

Of course you can, and what exactly do you mean by a 'full' life? The happiest, most content people I know are single by choice.

Absolutely! Life is so much easier, I find, without compromising on your time and what you do with it.

RantyAnty · 07/08/2023 08:41

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/08/2023 06:25

God yes. In fact I think romantic love holds us back from achieving our full potential in so many ways. You spend so much time running around worrying about someone else's "needs" and trying to please them you don't think at all about your own fufilment.

When I look back at my own "romantic" life I realise most of it was a hormonal mess: me convincing myself I needed some undeserving no mark to satisfy my "romantic" needs just because I wanted to have sex with them.

One of the good things about the menopause (and by God there's not many) is you suddenly wake up and realise what an utter waste of time it is running around trying to make men happy. I want to spend however many years I have left thinking about myself and my child and not being derailed by men.

This is a 5 star comment.

All the time and money wasted on stupid shit men. Even the so called decent ones expect your life to revolve around them.

Bargoed · 07/08/2023 08:58

Vibrator and good wine

UglyNameChange · 07/08/2023 14:29

Romantic love is just hormones rushing through your body

I have always wondered what people meant when they said ’love’…

KimberleyClark · 07/08/2023 14:31

Yes of course you can. Just as you can without children.

Startagain4 · 08/08/2023 06:42

I'm late 40s and although, I've had 2 relationships, I've been single for longer, and love it! I've come to realise relationships aren't for everyone, especially me. Although I'd obviously good times with both partners, my best and happiest times have been when I'm single, and after the heartbreak of my last relationship ending, I am back in that happy place again. I invest my time with family, friends and my hobbies.