AIBU- inlaw problems

[Taylor75111]

Hi everyone.

I've never posted on here before and I need some advice.

I've recently had my second baby. My husband's mother is chronically unwell (not terminal) and lives on the otherside of the UK. My second baby is her first grandchild.
She, understandably, want regular visits from her grandchild. As she is unwell she cannot visit us very often but does come every few months or so. As I have another child, I cannot commit to regular visits there at weekends. 3 or 4 times a year at most. This will interfere with co-parenting arrangement and they wouldn't want to go anyway.

She is requesting my husband take my baby for monthly visits to her without me. I know why this is but I don't think this is fair on my baby, nor something I am happy with. The drive is long and he will be in the back on his own. I'm also not happy about my baby being on the otherside of the UK, without me, so regularly.

Am I being unreasonable?

Mean? A baby isn't something to be shared out between anyone who wants them!

Your MIL is being very unreasonable. This is not ‘her’ child. You say her illness, though chronic, is not terminal.

You currently visit 3-4 times per year and if I read correctly she reciprocates by visiting you sometimes too. I think you just need to point that out to her - if she can visit 4 times, and you do likewise, that averages about every 6 weeks. ( Which would have been more than enough time for me with my MIL)

What does your husband think?

I would want a 6 month old in a car for that long too regularly

I meant wouldn't!

Your dh obviously couldn't do this in one day so it's the whole weekend. It's not on to do that too often. Could ye go less but stay a bit longer so plan a long weekend. I hope your older child is very welcome there too. Driving 8 hours once a month is not on ..for baby, for dh or for the price of petrol etc. Do whatever suits you both.
I am a gm and l don't lay down rules when l must see my gc . I am happy to see her when it works for her family.

Why can't the baby's father take her to visit his mother? What am I missing?

I think that's way too much car travel for a young baby. Maybe MIL can come every second month by train or plane, or whatever is more comfortable for her. Maybe you can help with the cost. Based on my own experience though, if baby travels anything like mine at that age, DH would only want to do it the once.

Most of the information given by the OP, apparently.

So, your other child lives with you and does one night at their dad's e.g. Saturday night.

I don't know. I definitely wouldn't be keen on being away from my 6 month old Sat/Sun once a month, but if your other child could sometimes do Fri and Sat at their dad's and your MiL is really ill I'd make an effort to go.

@JennyForeigner "Most of the information given by the OP, apparently."

Nope. All I get is "I don't want to." Which is fine, of course. But not actually reasonable.