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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting my ex to move out

19 replies

username098765 · 06/08/2023 21:18

We broke up about 3/4 weeks ago and he is still living in my home. I have 3 dds from a previous relationship and the house is rented but in my name. I can't move out. He is saying he isn't leaving until he has a secure home to go to. He could easily stay with his Dad or brother but is refusing. It's making an awful atmosphere at home which isn't nice for anyone. He is either working or in the pub so comes in late but then is here in the mornings which is hard as I still love him very much and finding the break up hard. Seeing him is just too painful. AIBU expecting him to leave?

OP posts:
TunnocksOrDeath · 06/08/2023 22:00

I had an ex who was unemployed when we broke up, and couldn't afford his own place, but had family he could have stayed with. I was advised to get an occupation order, which worked for me, and got me my home back. Good luck with it all. Look after yourself.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 06/08/2023 22:03

Legally he has no right to be there. Ask the police to be there when he leaves. Tomorrow..

Hankunamatata · 06/08/2023 22:03

Ge in touch with LL and ask if you can change the locks

Chickychoccyegg · 06/08/2023 22:04

He has no right to be there, tell him firmly to get out

billyt · 07/08/2023 09:23

Hankunamatata · 06/08/2023 22:03

Ge in touch with LL and ask if you can change the locks

You can change the locks any time you like, just keep the old ones and re-instate when you move out.

Your ex has no right to still be there, get him out. Sponging bastard.

Original poster
username098765 · 07/08/2023 11:11

I locked him out the other night as I'd asked him to leave on several occasions and he kicked the door in. I can't afford to replace another door. I don't really want to get the police involved. It's so difficult. And to make matters even more complicated I work with his mum. Such a crappy situation to be in.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 07/08/2023 12:22

Why didn’t you call the police if he kicked in the door?! He cannot cause criminal damage to your home. Police, all the way. Pack up his shit and drop it round his dad’s. He has no legal right to be in your house.

fivelilducks · 07/08/2023 13:20

You really need to take control of this situation OP, for your childrens sake. Call the police about his previous damage, change the locks, and if he kicks the door down again call the police as he's doing it, he's an intruder in your house. It's no different than someone bashing your door down to burgle you fgs! Please keeP yourself and your children safe

VeridicalVagabond · 07/08/2023 13:24

You should have called the police when he kicked your door in FFS, you and your daughters have a right to feel safe in your home. You can't afford to be passive here!

As a pp said, report the previous damage to the police, change the locks, let your LL know, call the police on him if he tries to boot the door in again.

Shurleyknot · 07/08/2023 15:57

Get all his belongings and give them to his mother, change the locks and if he arrives at the door call the police. You cannot let him do this to you and it is not good for your kids to see this either.

ThreeLittleDots · 07/08/2023 16:10

Why are you putting the working relationship with his mother, above the physical and emotional safety and security of your children?

What do you think social services would do if they found out that you chose not to address this violence and abuse by rightfully going to the police?

You are not taking this anywhere seriously enough, whatsoever.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 07/08/2023 16:17

Stop being a sap! Get his stuff out. Get him out. Police if need be. His dm isn't an issue here at all.

tescocreditcard · 07/08/2023 16:20

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 07/08/2023 16:17

Stop being a sap! Get his stuff out. Get him out. Police if need be. His dm isn't an issue here at all.

yeah just call the police for goodness sake. No-one WANTS the police involved lol, it's of question of needs must.

FartSock5000 · 07/08/2023 16:27

If you want to be reasonable, you tell him he has 7 days notice to leave or you will have the Police remove him. He is not a co-tenant and has no tenancy rights.

Then, you have the locks changed at the end of those 7 days and if he tries to kick the door in you phone the police. The Police won't remove him really but they can intervene if he threatens in any way.

The council only charge you if you don't have an incident number. As long as you report and have one, they will repair any damage with no charge.

7 days is how long a lodger would have. You would be generous giving him that.

DO NOT keep covering for his choices. Kicking a door in was pathetic and an intimidation tactic. Think of your children and stand up for yourself!

Hankunamatata · 07/08/2023 16:39

He kicked the door in??? Why on earth didn't you at least call his parents if you don't want the police. Surely that scared the kids

Clymene · 07/08/2023 17:01

You have three daughters living in your home and he kicked the front door in?

Why the fuck are you letting this violent man anywhere near them?

SchoolQuestionnaire · 07/08/2023 17:14

You need to call the police. It’s not acceptable for him to break into your home which is what he did. If you don’t want to protect yourself please think of your dc. They shouldn’t have to deal with this.

Silvered · 07/08/2023 17:32

You tell him he needs to go tonight. And that if he refuses to leave, or gets violent, then you will call the police. He has no legal right to occupy your home.

BingoBastards · 07/08/2023 17:35

No if he's using violence have no hesitation about getting him to leave.

You can't put up with that.

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