How clingy should a 2 year old be

[Hatestheheat82]

Youngest DC turned 2 in July. DH and I are currently arguing that he is too clingy (mainly with me but if I am not around to DH as well)

Some examples:
If we are out for a walk, has to hold one of our hands and will get really upset if we don't

At home DH has complained I pick him up too much so I started holding his hand. He now likes to hold his hand while we're kn the house as well

If we go somewhere new (for example today we were at a friend's for BBQ) he had to sit on my lap to eat lunch and wanted to sit with me in the garden to play

On the flip side, he goes to nursery 5 days a week and when I drop him off he will run off and into his room without even looking back sometimes. He will also go to sleep by himself, we read a story and say good night and he will take himself to sleep.

It's causing massive issues as DH thinks I need to stop holding his hand all the time and just let him be upset, but I've argued it helps him feel secure so I'm happy to go with it

For reference I still manage to get most of the housework and stuff done so it's not like I can't do anything

Your DH is wrong, he's 2. Hold his hand as much as he wants, he'll be shaking you off soon enough.

Sounds fairly normal. The only problem I guess is that it may be interfering with things around the house that you need to get done, but otherwise, crack on - it's nice and it won't last forever

As he can leave you happily when he needs to, and is in a good bedtime routine, I wouldn't worry too much. Maybe the fact that he does feel so nurtured at other times helps his overall sense of security.

It will change when he feels ready.

Oh he’s so tiny. You’re right, hold his hand. Not sure why it’s such a problem for your DH tbh.

Maybe your DH is jealous of the attention your 2yr is getting from you.

The wonderful thing about children is that giving them the love, contact, cuddles and handholding they ask for makes them MORE independent, not less.

Children are all different and need different levels of physical affection at different times. Yours is arising for more right now. If you give all of it, I guarantee it won't be like this at 15 years old. I will give you a million pounds if I'm wring.

Your DH is a dick. Your child is 2 and wants comfort. Give him it.

If my DH told me to stop holding our two year old’s hand I would tell him where to go.

But he wouldn’t- because he’s not an idiot.

Sounds completely normal! My 2 year old is so clingy - wants picking up all the time and will only sleep with me at night. I'm just enjoying it to be honest, she's my last baby and I know within a heartbeat she'll be starting school. Some kids just need a little more contact!

The wonderful thing about children is that giving them the love, contact, cuddles and handholding they ask for makes them MORE independent, not less.

Absolutely this.

Your husband is an idiot and he’s causing attachment issues if he’s asking you to withhold comfort in front of your son.

Your son sounds like a normal 2yo - a sweet and innocent child who needs love, reassurance and comfort.

Also, this. Cant imagine my DH ever telling me to stop holding her hand/picking her up 😥

Normal for a tiny child to want love and attention especially when he’s away from his parents 5 days a week.

To me this is on the clingy side, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a problem.
If my 2 year old is tired or feeling a bit rubbish they will want picked up but other than that they typically just want to run along beside us on their own and don’t want to hold hands or be picked up. I think it’s just personality.

I totally agree with this. I have 3 DC, the first two were fairly independent and non " clingy" but my 3rd is basically like a koala who is constantly attached to me and tbh I quite like it 🤣

Absolutely give him what he needs and asks for. My 2yr old DD also goes to nursery 4 days a week no problem but would probably be labelled as 'clingy' to me or DH when we're around people she doesn't know too well.

I bloody hate having to interact with people I don't know too well either...except I'm
an adult so I have the skills and maturity to get on with it but your toddler doesn't. If you're DH thinks this is wrong then you've got problems.

This makes me so sad 😢 dependence encourages independence. There’s no such thing as too clingy. Meet his needs he’s not going to want you to pick him up or even hold his hand when he’s 15!

Very normal for a 2 year old, and you are fostering strong attachment and independence by giving him what he needs. Your DH is 100% wrong about this one. 2 is a peak age for separation anxiety and the quickest way to get it to pass is to provide what is needed. My DD1 at this age woke up at stupid o'clock every morning and would not go back down - until I decided to put a mattress on the floor in her room and sleep there. I was very PG at the time and it didn't make any difference to my sleep. All I had to do was tell her it was OK and I was there, and she'd go straight back to sleep. In 6 weeks, she was sleeping through. It's all about confirming the security of their attachment to you.

What a very wise woman you are, MrsTerryPratchett, and I agree with you 100%.

Aww this is still a baby at 2, let them be 'clingy' they will find their own way before you know it

My 2 year old will not leave my side, totally normal I think!

Sounds absolutely totally normal to me! Two is so tiny. And they all have phases. My two year old DS has never been particularly clingy, but is having a stage at the moment where he doesn't like me leaving the room and always wants a cuddle. It's lovely, embrace it!